What does Claude leave when he has no Monet to pay for his coffee?

A bad impression.

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

An art thief once stole some very expensive paintings from the Louvre in Paris. He took two Van Goghs, a couple Monets, a DeGas, and some other paintings.

Everything went perfectly, except he was captured sitting in his van with the paintings only 2 blocks from the museum, his van had run out of fuel!

When asked by the police how he could plan such a successful robbery and then be foiled by such a simple error, he replied...

"I had no ...

[LONG] Three Robbers Are Making a Getaway.

Having escaped the museum with a Van Gogh, a Monet, and a Picasso, they toss them into their rucksack and get out of there. As they begin driving off, the police arrive on the scene and pursue them for 12 miles. Their car runs out of fuel and they break down behind a barn. Grabbing the paintings, th...

Why did the art critics hate Monet so much?

Because he loved having spontaneous impressions.

In a previous life I was a psychoanalyst that turned to prostitution to pay for a rare piece of art.

Don't judge me.

I was Jung and I needed the Monet.

What do you call a long, curved potato with a monetized video channel?

A professional U-tuber.

Did you hear about the attempted art robbery at the Tate?!

They ran out of fuel halfway through their getaway, and were found two streets away. When they were interrogated, they said:"We didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh"

It’s hard for artists to live off their craft

Sooner or later they all run out of Monet.

The thief pulled out his gun, pointed it at the art gallery manager and said

"This is a robbery, give me all your monet!"

The Art Thief

The Art Theif

A French man goes into the Louvre’s parking with his van. He gets out and goes inside. He sneaks pass guards, gets through barbed wire, avoids lasers and in front of him there is the Mona Lisa. He takes it and manages to get back to his van. When he goes into his van and leaves ...

An art thief broke into the Louvre.

Through careful studying of the building plans and months of meticulous planning, he was able to evade all the security and stole several priceless paintings.

He then loaded the paintings into his van parked nearby. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the alarm go off in the building.
...

What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?

I did it for the Monet

When I get rich I’ll start to collect French impressionist art.

I’ll put my Monet where my mouth is.

The art of joke writing

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime...

You know what, as a Jew, I'm getting really tired of these Jewish jokes.

We need to stop giving them away for free and figure out a way to monetize them.

Art Thief

A mastermind thief infiltrates The Louvre and steals several paintings. He loads them all into his van and drives off. A few blocks away, his van breaks down. When the police arrive on the scene, one of the officers asks the mastermind how something like this could happen if he was so smart. The mas...

A burglar walks into an art show.

He says, "Give me all your Monet."

Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum.

One said to the other, "Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."

An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....

A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a frog

One evening a man was taking a walk and was passing by a pet store. The pet store owner was stand in front holding a large frog.
As the man was passing, "Hey Mr. You want to buy this frog?" "No. I don't want to buy that frog"
Store owner says " This frog will give you the best blow job you ev...

Two criminals are trying to get away from an art museum in their getaway van after stealing pieces from 3 artists.

One gets in and turns the key. The van won't start.
The other one turns and asks, "Why aren't we moving?"
"I have no Monet to buy the Gascan to make the Van Gogh."

The definition of Baroque:

A time when there is no Monet.

Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was absolutely fuming when I walked out of the art store earlier

Bitch didn't have my Monet

A man spent millions on an impressionist painting then ate it...

He put his Monet where his mouth is.

Art thief at the Louvre

An art thief pulls off an impossible heist at the Louvre. He manages to steal a Monet, a Degas, and a Van Gogh. He makes it past security and out of the museum. However, he then cannot get his van to start. The police find him and arrest him. They ask him how he was able to pull of the crime but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2000 Indian Rupees

It is the month of November a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. De-monetization of 500 and 1000 Rupee notes has been announced and no one has cash.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a ...

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