Vincent Van Gogh and Evander Holyfield walk into a bar...

... and find it very difficult to have a conversation.

What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?

Van Stay

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

An art thief once stole some very expensive paintings from the Louvre in Paris. He took two Van Goghs, a couple Monets, a DeGas, and some other paintings.

Everything went perfectly, except he was captured sitting in his van with the paintings only 2 blocks from the museum, his van had run out of fuel!

When asked by the police how he could plan such a successful robbery and then be foiled by such a simple error, he replied...

"I had no ...

You wanna hear a Van Gogh joke? Alright...

Ear goes.

[LONG] Three Robbers Are Making a Getaway.

Having escaped the museum with a Van Gogh, a Monet, and a Picasso, they toss them into their rucksack and get out of there. As they begin driving off, the police arrive on the scene and pursue them for 12 miles. Their car runs out of fuel and they break down behind a barn. Grabbing the paintings, th...

How can you can you spot a fake Van Gogh painting?

On the back, it'll be labeled "Ear-Regular."

Van Gogh actually planned to mutilate himself a second time.

Because he heard left ear is the best medicine.

Van Gogh Family

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:

* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his ma...

A Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen this weekend from a Dutch Museum.

Now it's Vincent Van Gone.

What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh??

You gonna eat that?

What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving?

Van Gogh!

Saw Van Gogh in a Pub.

I said can I buy you a beer?

He replied no I got one Ear mate.

Why did Van Gogh divorce his wife?

Earreconcilable differences

Van Gogh started painting at 27, but had to give it up 10 years later...

...apparently his glasses kept falling off.


(OC: Jimmy Carr)

My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will. When I took them to be valued I was told they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius

Sadly, they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

Van Gogh wasn’t known as a modest man

Or did the compliments just go in one ear.......

Van Gogh is walking down the street.

A homeless man walks up to him and says,” Do you have a euro to spare ? Please I could really use it.”Van Gogh looks through his pocket and says,” I got one right ‘ere.”

Van Gogh hands a wrapped up box to his girlfriend.

"Vincent, please tell me this isn't another ear."

"What?"

An art thief broke into the Louvre.

Through careful studying of the building plans and months of meticulous planning, he was able to evade all the security and stole several priceless paintings.

He then loaded the paintings into his van parked nearby. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the alarm go off in the building.
...

When Van Gogh and Rembrandt go to lunch, who pays?

They go Dutch

Everyone said to Vincent Van Gogh " You can't be a great painter, you've only got one ear" And you know what he said? "

“You’ll have to speak up, I’ve only got one ear”

What was Van Gogh's least favourite vegetable? An ear of cauliflower.

Sorry it was an arty joke.

A man is having issues getting his van to start

So he googles mechanics in his area.

He stumbles upon this one called Vincent's Van Repair.

"Hmm, I've never heard of this one but they do on the spot repairs so it's probably my best bet"

He calls them the next morning and the mechanic comes to his house around 11am.

He ...

What did people say in January, to celebrate Van Gogh's new prosthetic?

Happy New Ear!

Vincent Van Gogh is having a pint…

His mate Gauguin walks in to the bar and says,
“ Hi Vinny, fancy a beer?”
Vincent says,
“ No thanks , I’ve got one ‘ere…”.

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

What do you get when you cross Van Gogh with George Thorogood?

One bourbon
One scotch
And one ear

Did you hear about the attempted art robbery at the Tate?!

They ran out of fuel halfway through their getaway, and were found two streets away. When they were interrogated, they said:"We didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh"

One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away

He's a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other. Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them. After pondering the matter, he takes them to an appraiser. Not too long later t...

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?

Wipe away those ears.

Van Gogh was never good at following directions.

Everything that he was told simply went in one ear and out the- oh wait a minute...

What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh?

Lend me your ears

The Art Thief

The Art Theif

A French man goes into the Louvre’s parking with his van. He gets out and goes inside. He sneaks pass guards, gets through barbed wire, avoids lasers and in front of him there is the Mona Lisa. He takes it and manages to get back to his van. When he goes into his van and leaves ...

What’s the difference between losing a van and losing a painting?

You’ll either be asking “Where’d the van go?” or “Where’d the Van Gogh go?”

The art of joke writing

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime...

Art Thief

A mastermind thief infiltrates The Louvre and steals several paintings. He loads them all into his van and drives off. A few blocks away, his van breaks down. When the police arrive on the scene, one of the officers asks the mastermind how something like this could happen if he was so smart. The mas...

Why did the mover have Starry Night painted on his vehicle?

He wanted everyone to look at his Van Gogh.

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..


-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

What did the art thief's say when they jumped in the getaway vehicle after a heist?

Van Gogh

Did you know I store paintings under the hood?

It makes my Van Gogh

An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so?

Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime.

Who was the most popular vampiric artist?

Vincent Fang Gogh!

An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....

A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum.

One said to the other, "Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."

Two criminals are trying to get away from an art museum in their getaway van after stealing pieces from 3 artists.

One gets in and turns the key. The van won't start.
The other one turns and asks, "Why aren't we moving?"
"I have no Monet to buy the Gascan to make the Van Gogh."

Art thief at the Louvre

An art thief pulls off an impossible heist at the Louvre. He manages to steal a Monet, a Degas, and a Van Gogh. He makes it past security and out of the museum. However, he then cannot get his van to start. The police find him and arrest him. They ask him how he was able to pull of the crime but...

What happens when you put too many paintings in your car?

You can't make your van gogh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, this guy starts a new job

and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary."

The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.

The boss says, "It's only fair to tell ...

Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license?

He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.

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