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Meditating Jokes

What do you call a meditating wolf?

Aware wolf.

How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar?

Total internal reflection.

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Two Buddhist monks were meditating.

One of them said. 'Something happened today I could not get it out of my head.'

'What is bothering you?' Asked the other monk.

'I went shopping earlier this morning, and the cashier asked me what the hell I bought that for, it pisses me off.' Reply the first monk.

'What did you ...

A man hiking in the Himalayas comes across a sadhu meditating. He says the sadhu, "there is a blizzard coming aren't you going to go back to town?" The sadhu responds

Nah I'ma stay

What does an electrician say while meditating?

Ohm... Ohm...

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Translated this joke from my native language...

A guy say (Billy) who had very small penis, came to know about a guy. who knew a word, which upon saying penis grows by some inches.



Billy went there, that guy sat on a hill, and to climb that hill, there was a rope. So Billy started climbing that hill, upon climbing, the man asked B...

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A man had a [Long] penis

He had a 25 inch long package.

It created difficulties in his life as it was not easy to move around with it and women were afraid of him too.

One day he was wondering to himself how he could change his penis and his life into a normal one while walking down a road, there, he came ac...

What does the Freudian monk chant while meditating?

MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!





(Sorry if repost, I just thought of this, but I can't be the first)

What sound does a blonde white girl make while meditating?

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?"

I'm going to start meditating.

Beats sitting around and doing nothing all the time.

After visiting the US, a Tibetan monk made the mistake of meditating on his flight home.

He transcended to another plane and ended up in Albuquerque.

What did the cop say to the man who was meditating and saying "ohmmmmmmmmmmm"?

Stop Resisting!

Meditation

[A bit dry : p]

One day, as he did everyday an old yogi was meditating in a cave.

A hungry traveller passing by noticed him in the cave sitting by a fire.

The traveler hoping for a bite to eat shouts into the echoing cave "Hello there!!"

The yogi being very disciplined, k...

Why are monks always meditating and relaxed and full of profound thoughts and ideas?

Because they're single.

Why did Waldo grow a manbun, a beard and start meditating three times a day?

Waldo found himself

Watched a movie where a kid is alone in his house and starts meditating...

It's called "Om Alone"

The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?" A goat shouted, "The big bad wolf is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing?" questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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Namaste

So my wife recently took up Yoga. I came home one evening to find her on her mat doing ~~Shavanna~~ ~~Shashimi~~ ~~Shavashashanana~~ the pose where you lie on your back with your eyes closed meditating or more likely snoring gently. I pulled down my shorts, knelt over her head and rested my testicle...

Monks Birthday

So today is a monks Birthday so all the monks come around and say hey let us take you out for a night and we’ll go hang out, you’re always here meditating. The monk says nah-ima-stay.

A man with no arms walks into a church

“I’d like to apply to toll the bell, every hour on the hour” he tells the priest. The priest wonders how this would be possible with no arms so he decides to humor the man. Since it’s close to 3pm, they make their way up to the bell tower. At 2:54 the man sits cross legged and begins meditating. At ...

A prince visited a famous Yogi

When the Prince walked up to the Yogi, He was meditating in a handstand pose. The prince felt that it was extremely rude that the man would not stand up and great him properly.

The prince said, “Sir, stand up greet me properly!”



“Namaste upside down” said the Yogi

Two monks werewere discussing humility.

"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.

The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."

At that moment a j...

My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...

"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."

"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."

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There once was a supercilious king who liked hunting.

To show off his abilities, He went in a jungle to kill a lion with only one bullet in his revolver. He waited in bush for lion to come. After a few hours, a lion showed up. He aimed at lion and fired his only bullet. He missed and lion ran away. He became upset and screamed, "HOLY SHIT, I F\*\*KING ...

Santa Claus had started feeling like he was losing some of his mojo at one point...

... so in recent years, he had taken to periodically stopping during his annual Christmas Eve present run to take in words of wisdom from spiritual leaders from various backgrounds all over the world, hoping that someone could re-ignite that spark for him that made Christmas special.

Eventual...

One guy goes to India and visits a monastery

He saw some old monks meditating around the garden but was perplexed not to see any young monks around. "Is Buddhism dying?", he thought. Right after that, he sees a young monk entering a building with some bags of flour and sugar and decides to follow him.

What he found was stunning. On one...

Best things to say if you're caught sleeping on your desk...

“They told me at the blood bank this
might happen.”


“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as
described in that time management course you sent me.”


“Whew! Guess I left the top off
the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”


“I wasn’t sleepin...

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A man gets sick of it all and joins a monastery

He travels to Nepal, hikes high into the mountains and finds a monastery. The head monk informs him that they would accept him if he dresses the part, does his work, and learns the ways of peace and meditation. The man agrees. The head monk tells him, "one last thing, you must take a vow of silen...

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Hans has a small Dick

(Long)

Hans lived in a small town and has a small dick. Everyone knew about it, the girls snickered behind his back, the guys used to tease him endlessly. He tried all the remedies to make his dick big and failed.

Dejected, he visited his local night club one day and saw his friend Pet...

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An old joke popular with engineers and other neckbeards

A man dies and surprise! he finds himself in the sky and surrounded by clouds and in front of an old man who asks, ”Heaven or Hell?”

Guy goes, "what kind of question is that?" and the old man sighs and goes, “oh another one. Well allow me to show you and then you can make your decision ...

A Buddhist monk, a priest, and a rabbi go to the barber for a haircut...

The priest goes in for a haircut first. When he was paying at the counter, the barber tells him that he is a man of god, so he doesn't have to pay. The priest thanks him, and the next morning the barber finds 10 gold coins on his counter.
The next day, the Buddhist monk goes in for a haircut. Whe...

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There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.

He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrin...

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A man suffered from a chronic hellish headache

He went to see a doctor who, after the usual exams, said:

- My friend, I have good and bad news. The good thing is that I can cure you of this headache forever. The bad news is that to do that I'll have to castrate you! Your testicles are pressing on your spine, and that pressure causes a he...

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The 25-Inch Dick

Once, there was a man who had a 25 inch dick which was obviously very troublesome for him, he consulted doctors and tried home remedies but had no effect. His mother, who was very religious told him to meet a saint. Reluctantly, he agreed. This was a special saint, who lived in the deep woods of Ind...

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