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Lumberjacks Jokes

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A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

What is a lumberjacks' favorite drink?

Lager.

Two lumberjacks are having a conversation.

One of them says "You know, I can cut wood just by looking at it!"

The other replies "That's not possible! I don't believe you!"

The first says "I know, that it's hard to believe, but I'm telling you! I saw it with my two eyes!"

Where were all the lumberjacks taking the train to?

Deforestation

Wrote my second joke ever, would like some feedback

Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says "stay back or we'll kill you with our axes!" The bear responds, "woah! I'm a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you've all been working so hard and are probably h...

How do lumberjacks know how many trees they have cut down?

They keep a log!

I started brewing beer specifically for certain professions. The first two batches were brewed for lumberjacks and bellhops.

A lager and a porter.

Did you hear about that dating app for Lumberjacks?

Timber!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Finnish salesman comes to Russia to sell chainsaws to local lumberjacks.

“With this saw a good lumberjack can cut down 40 trees an hour and not even get tired” says the salesman.

The lumberjacks, thinking that sounds pretty good, place an order for 50 chainsaws.

At first they are delighted but then the miracle wears off as they notice the Finnish salesman...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 lumberjacks

2 foreigners want to immigrate to Canada. They go to the immigration office. First guy goes in and the immigration officer asks “alright you want to come into Canada, what do you do for work?”

The foreigner says “oh I a pilot, I a pilot “
Immigration officer goes “alright a pilot sounds g...

Why are lumberjacks always men?

Because they're fellers.

They should make a breakfast cereal exclusively for lumberjacks

They can call it morning wood

There are 2 lumberjacks.

One hits the tree with an axe, and the other uses a saw to finish the job.

The one with the axe took down a tree by himself and said, "Could you see yourself cutting down a tree like that?"

The other man said, "No, I saw."

An Irish lumberjack goes shopping

He goes up to the clerk of the lumberjack store and asks for a saw. The clerk goes to the back of the store and returns with a large chainsaw. After payment is resolved, the clerk claims that the chainsaw will cut down over 20 trees everyday. The clerk and lumberjack share a laugh, and the lumberjac...

Why don’t lumberjacks work naked?

They might cut the wrong wood

A man applies for a job as a lumberjack

Well sir, do you have any lumber jacking experience?

Yes. I was part of an elite team of lumberjacks who worked on the largest lumberjacking project ever for nearly 3 years.

Oh. You don't say? Where exactly was it you worked?

The Sahara Forest in Africa, Sir.

The Sahara ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

Why are lumberjacks such great singers?

Their voice has an incredible timber.

What’s a lumberjacks favourite meal?

Plaid Thai

A short and skinny guy, Dave, enters the lumberjacks' office

He says he wants a job. A giant man stands up, laughs, and tells him to be in the woods at 5 a.m. 4.55 am, Dave is there. The giant tells him everybody has to clear 5 acres of trees until the end of the shift. The shift ends, Dave cuts 5.2 acres. The giant, obviously impressed, asks him where he lea...

There was a great TV show about lumberjacks.

But it got axed.

Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing?

Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.

How do lumberjacks talk?

With a thick axe-cent.

Lumberjack

A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.
The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to s...

My friend's and I have made an allegiance to become lumberjacks during times of military conflict.

It's called the War Saw Pact

What do Chinese lumberjacks do?

Chopsticks

So two lumberjacks were felling trees....

So two lumberjacks were felling trees when the axe slipped and cut off a guys hand. His buddy grabbed the hand, put it in a ziplock bag and rushed to the hospital. The next day, his buddy is back at work, hand reattached. The wonders of modern medicine!

But luck wasn't in his favor, the ex...

Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games?

Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out.

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

Mr. Johnson wanted to get rid of a redwood tree in his backyard, so he put an ad in the paper asking for a lumberjack to get rid of the tree. Many lumberjacks tried to cut down the tree, but they all failed.

One day, a very skinny man with a plastic spoon knocked on Mr. Johnson's door. "I would like to try to cut down your tree," he said.

"With just that plastic spoon?" gasped Mr. Johnson.

"Yes," said the skinny man. The two of them went to the backyard, and the skinny man tapped the redwo...

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