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Labrador Retriever Jokes

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. I mean you haven't done a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Talking Dog Act

The sign says “World Famous Talking Dog Act”, and the people gather around, interested, but skeptical.
The man brings out his dog, a yellow Labrador Retriever, and starts the show.
“Heya, Skippy, these people want to hear you talk, tell them how you flight into the airport was yesterday.”
“...

This lady had a sick duck she took in to the vet.

This lady had a sick duck she took in to the vet to have it checked out. The vet looked at the duck and said, " Lady, your duck is dead."

"Oh no, this cannot be. Please isn't there something you can do. My duck cannot be dead," said the lady.

So the vet brought in a Labrador Retrieve...

A guy walks into the vet`s office with a hamster.

He lays the hamster on the table and the doctor says, "I`m sorry, sir, but your hamster is dead."

"I want a second opinion!" the man demands.
So the doctor brings in a cat. The cat walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. "Well the cat says your hamster is dead," says the ...

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of ...

What do you call a smart blonde?

A Labrador retriever

Stay Stay!!!!!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backw...

A woman goes into vet because of her bird

A woman goes into vet because of her bird, after about an hour the doctor comes out and the conversation begins.

Doctor: “I’m sorry but your bird is dead”

Owner: “Is there anything you can do?”

Doctor: “Well we can try but I cannot promise anything.”

The doctor brings in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Purina Diet

A friend of mine has a big Labrador Retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Walmart for him, a woman behind me in the checkout line asked if it was for a dog. (duh)
On impulse, I told her no. I explained that I was starting the Purina diet again, although I probably shouldn't be...

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clear...

Boudreaux's dead duck

Boudreaux rushed into Doc Robicheaux’s office carrying a duck. He gently placed the duck on the exam table, it lay there limp and not moving.
“Doc, you gotta help my duck”, Boudreaux said.
Doc Robicheaux looked at the duck and shook his head. “Boudreaux, your duck is dead”, he said.
“Doc, y...

A woman takes her duck to the vet.

A woman takes her pet duck to the vet, he's really limp and not active and she's extremely worried. She put the duck on the exam table and tells the vet, "there is something terribly wrong with my beloved duck! he won't move and has been limp for quit some time!"

The vet looks at the duck, pi...

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