Johnsons Jokes - 12 Hilarious Johnsons Jokes

[NSFW] What would you call Dwayne Johnsons boyfriend?

Rock bottom.

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?

They all have phones!

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter...

Dear Ma & Pa,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6 am. But...

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, along with Mrs. Johnson's mother, go camping.

One morning when the Johnsons wake up, they notice that Mrs. Johnson's mother isn't in the tent. The look around the campsite, but she isn't there.

The Johnsons look all around the campground for hours, and around noon, find her face-to-face with an 800-pound grizzly bear!

"Quick! Do s...

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.

A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."

Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool bo...

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Bob and Steve bought a struggling sex toy store.

Bob and Steve bought a struggling sex toy store and worked in it daily, alternating lunchtimes so they could cover all hours. One day, Steve returned from his lunch to an excited Bob.

"Steve, we made a $300 sale, but there's good and bad news!", Bob said upon his return.

"Okay Bob, giv...

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A therapy support group session.

A psychiatrist was conducting a therapy support group session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he stated.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.

"He turned to the second mother and s...

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Mr. & Mrs. Johnson live on a farm by themselves. One day, an Alien spaceship lands in front of their house.

As the Johnsons go to investigate, the ship’s doors open and two aliens that look similar to humans walk out. Speaking perfect English, the aliens make a proposition to the Johnsons to trade partners for the night to understand human sexual behavior. The Johnsons, curious of what the experience woul...

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An orange Johnson

So a guy goes to the doctor because his penis is bright orange.

The doctor examines him and says, "I've never seen anything like this before. Are you under a lot of stress at work?"

The guy says, "No."

The doctor says, "If you don't mind my asking, what do you do for a living?"<...

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Statue in the bedroom.

A lady is in the bedroom having sex with her lover when the husband pulls up to the driveway.

"Quick she says, rub this oil around your body and I'll cover you with baby powder and stand in the corner pretending you are a statue".

The husband comes upstairs and sees the statue and asks...

The Teachers New Name

Ms.Johnson has been teaching high school for years. She always showed up early and always left late. Before the start of the next semester, all the new students in Ms.Johnsons class found out that she will now be known as Ms.Simmons.

On the first day of class all the students started to congr...

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