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Jeffrey Epstein Jokes

When Jeffrey Epstein was in prison, other inmates asked him what he was in for...

"nothing much, just a minor problem"

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Brigham Young

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates was invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

After arrival Bill Gates was shown to a room with a rather young looking masseuse. The girl instructed Bill Gates to disrobe for a massage and one thing lead to another and they ended up having sex. Afterwards the masseuse said “I always wondered why you called your company Microsoft but now I know”

Why didn't Jeffrey Epstein high five the prison officer?

He tends to leave people hanging.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

True love is finishing each other’s sentences

Ghislaine Maxwell must’ve really loved Jeffrey Epstein

If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning

Imagine how surprised he must have been.

Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar....

Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeffrey Epstein may be going to Hell...

But he still got his 72 virgins.

Remembering the life of Jeffrey Epstein...

He touched so many. He will surely be missed.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

Why did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself?

Because he had low self Epstein.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the psychotherapist ask his suicidal patient to change his name to „Jeffrey Epstein“?

To make sure he doesn‘t kill himself.

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell after his death and met the devil who told him what his punishment is going to be.

"You see these people lined up with boxing gloves? You will be made to spread your legs so that they can hit you below the belt. I am surprised many have volunteered. You must have ...

Why is Jeffrey Epstein bad at races?

He always comes in a little behind

Jeffrey Epstein plays mmo for...

Sui side quests.

Why would Jeffrey Epstein make a bad musician?

Because he would spend all day fingering A Minor

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

But I dont want to commit suicide

If you are surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide

Imagine how surprised he must have been

How did CNN react to Jeffrey Epstein's death?

Fake noose!

Jeffrey Epstein dies and goes to Hell.

Satan sees him at the gates.

Satan yells "Hey Jeff, how's it hanging?"

Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

Say what you will about Jeffrey Epstein,

he always drove slower than the speed limit around schools.

I heard that Jeffrey Epstein never wanted to be rich and famous.

All he ever wanted was to settle down and have kids.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas ornaments?

The ornaments can be rehung again next year.

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

"The encryption codes are hidden behind the Dali painting in the guest bathroom. Hey, I told you what you wan...."

What was Jeffrey Epstein humming before dying?

"All the right moves", One Republic

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and a Whiskey Connoisseur?

Only one thinks it gets better with age.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know Jeffrey Epstein converted to Islam?

He was promised 72 virgins in the afterlife and he just couldn’t wait.

I must say I'm shocked by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide.

How did he get the noose around his chin?

What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein love Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven?

...Cause it's in A minor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm surprised Jeffrey Epstein's victims weren't more suspicious of his co-conspirator.

I mean, if someone told me I had to go to Jizz Lane to get $200, I'd be a little more reluctant.

BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire

Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.

Why does Jeffrey Epstein only date 23 year olds

Because there's 20 of them.

Alan Dershowitz has defended O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, and Donald Trump

The stabber, the nabber, and the grabber

One of the last things Jeffrey Epstein said to the guards was - "high five!"

But they just left him hanging

I’m gonna dress up as Jeffrey Epstein for Halloween and crash some parties

I just really don’t wanna hang by myself

Honestly, I found what happened to Jeffrey Epstein really sad...

So many powerful friends that could have helped and, instead, they all let him hang out to die.

What is your most inappropriate, sickest comment on Jeffrey Epstein?

*He died just the way he liked his girls, gagging.*

What do you call reports that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t actually hang himself but instead was murdered?

Fake noose.

Attorney General Barr released a summary of Jeffrey Epstein's autopsy findings...

They found no evidence of contusion.

How do you get Jeffrey Epstein to install a light bulb?

Tell him it's 12yo and he will screw it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So apparently Jeffrey Epstein owns a couple of the Virgin Islands...

Guess we’ll just have to call them the Islands from now on.

I've decided to become a professional Jeffrey Epstein impersonator, don't try to talk me out of it!

I know it is career suicide.

What does Jeffrey Epstein and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both make the kids go “oh no”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

I met Jeffrey Epstein once. It was only a brief interaction, but I can recall that I offered him some cheddar cheese and he didn't like it.

I think it was too mature for him.

Bill Cosby walks out of prison...

..and gets on a bus, and rides it to a long rock wall. Next to a big oak, he finds a letter.

He follows it to Mexico, where he finds Jeffrey Epstein working on his boat.

Hillary Clinton is giving a lesson about the world at a gifted-student primary school in New York

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? Second -...

Rich people use their money and infleunce to avoid standing trials about their crimes

Jeffrey Epstein learnt this the hard way

Name 3 things that don't hang themselves

Pictures, Drywall and Jeffrey Epstein

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

What’s the difference between chillin and hangin

They didn’t find Jeffrey Epstein chillin in his cell

My friend asked me how much money it'd take to sleep with the person I hate the most

I had to remind them that Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

I got invited to a bad taste halloween party. I was going to go as a suicide victim.

But decided to go as Jeffrey Epstein instead.

Billionaires and Christians have a lot in common.

For instance, just like Jesus, Jeffrey Epstein died for their sins.

You've heard of Elf on a Shelf, but have you heard...

Jeffrey Epstein definitely didn't kill himself.

Sometimes 'leaving a loose thread hanging' has the opposite meaning...

...just ask Jeffrey Epstein.

What's the worst thing about twenty eight year olds?

They all have to share a room at Jeffrey Epstein's apartment

Trump's 4th of July 'Salute to America' has bankrupted Washington D.C's Emergency Planning and Security Fund, which is used to provide police and security support at Presidential events.

This throws uncertainty on whether or not the President will be able to hold the annual Turkey Pardoning Ceremony this November, which is expected to feature a Presidential Pardon for Trump's close personal friend Jeffrey Epstein.

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