If Only Jokes - 13 Hilarious If Only Jokes

We wouldn't have to ban plastic straws if only...

... those turtles would lay off the coke!

If only Steve Irwin wore sunglasses

They might have protected him from harmful rays

If only there was an easier way

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.

When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how
are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"

Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, a...

If only the first rule of Vegan club

Was not to talk about Vegan club

If only more game companies acted like blizzard.

I could probably kick my gaming addiction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If only my daughter could see this

I wouldn’t have to pay for her fucking eye surgery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Only men would listen

A man and woman are driving on the same road. They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, “PIG!” The man yells out the window, “BITCH!”

The man rounds the next curve.

Crashes into a HUGE PIG in the middle of the road, and dies.

Thought for The Day: If on...

If only mosquito nets were handed out in Africa.

Each year we could save millions of mosquitoes dying needlessly of AIDS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If only all antivaxxers would step on a rusty nail.

That would force them to shut their fucking mouths.

Proud of actually making my own joke for once (even if only makes me and my husband laugh...)

What's the difference between Prince Harry and Scotland?

Prince Harry was given permission to leave the UK ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard...

That bronze medal would be mine.

Me: "If only the man upstairs could have blessed you with brains as well as beauty."

Wife: "Why the hell is there a man upstairs?"

I just found out one of my friends is addicted to hard drugs. It’s really affecting me because I had no idea. If only I’d know

... He could have been buying them from me this whole time.

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