UPJOKE
amourbelovedlovelessdoteamatoryloveraffectionaffectionatelovesickadoreamativedarlinginfatuationdeareros

I Love You Jokes

I said “I love you” to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

Edit: rip my inbox!

Edit 2: so many awards but no gold? I dare you to gild me. Go ahead, make my day!

Edit 3: Guys I was being sarcastic and referencing the movie Sudden Impact (cries in being old). Whoever gilded me just wasted their coins but still, thanks...

I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied.

What, no nickname for me? She asked.

Sometimes I swear she’s going deaf.

Sitting beside my girlfriend I said, "I love you."

She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I said, "It's me talking to the beer."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was very disappointed when I told her that I got "I love you" tattooed on my penis.

She just shook her head and said, "There you go again, always trying to put words in my mouth."

What is the worst response to "I love you"?

"I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"

Dear son; Your mom and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time. Dad

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

\----------------------------------------

Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai...

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, “I love you.”

The husband says, “Is that you or the wine talking?”



The wife replies, “It’s me, talking to the wine.”

"I love you," I said. "Do you love me too?"

"Yes," my wife replied. "On a scale of 1-10 that sounds about right."

in mexico, we don't say "I love you"

cause we dont speak english.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets "I love you" tattooed on his penis.

He goes home and tears his pants off, eager to show his girlfriend.
She looks at him and shakes her head saying "there you go again trying to put words in my mouth".

He: "I took a day off on Feb 14th". She: "Oh ! That's so sweet darling, I love you".

He: "Do you think you can help me sell 2.000 flowers in one day ?"

I Love You..

HUSBAND: I LOVE YOU..
WIFE : I Love You Too, Infact
Love You So Much I Will Fight
The Whole World For You..
HUSBAND : But You Fight With
Me The Most
WIFE : Because You Are The
World To Me..

I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, "I love you more than anything on earth!"

She said, "I bet that's the beer talking, isn't it?"

I said, "No, it's me talking to the beer!"

I told my wife, "I love you. I wish you were happy all the time." To which she responded, "I wish you didn't make me mad all the time."

"That sounds like what I said, but more complicated..."

Spouse #1: "I love you."

Spouse #1: "I love you."

Spouse #2: "Is that you or the wine talking?"

Spouse #1: "It's me. Talking to the wine."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I love you!

Porn Director: CUT CUT CUT!

I told my girl I love you.

She said I love U2. That was kind of depressing. She's talking about music at this vulnerable moment. So I broke up with her.

I am so single. I went to Grand Canyon, alone. I yelled “I love you” just to hear it said back to me.

My echo replied. “I just want to be friends”

I was about to make love to my to my girlfriend for the first time. I stopped and said "wait, you should know I have herpes". She said "I don't care, I love you so much it's worth the risk". I replied:

I love you too. But please don't make a rash decision.

I love you.

"I love you, Mom."

"What?"

"I love you, Mom."

"I heard you the first time, I just wanted to hear it again."

I love you

Like a friend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People always say, "I love you to the moon and back."

That's not really that far. The moon is only 238,900 miles away.
Uranus, on the other hand, is 1.7 billion miles away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself
a complete makeover, She told him,
"I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen television. She said,"I bought th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Words Better than I Love You?.

How about Anal?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love you all as sapiens.

No homo.

Apart from "I love you", "I miss you", "You complete me" and "Can't live without you"?

What other jokes do you know?

"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."

"That's so sweet."

"Not particularly. It was a cloudy day."

If I bring you breakfast in bed it means that I love you.

Just say thanks and stop asking me so many obnoxious questions like "Who am I?", "What do I want?", "How did I get into your house?" or whatever...

Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..

It was just the boos talking

I thought I would say ‘I love you!’ to my problems

Maybe they would run away too

Why does Bono always say ‘I love you’ first?

Because it’s the only time he gets to hear someone say: I love U2

There are a million ways to say i love you

but there is only one way to say wrong hole

I said "I love you" to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

Me: I love you, but I am NOT interested in your marital problems.

Him: But you're my wife!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)

I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.


EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)

Me: I love you 3000

Andre 3000: AlrightAlrightAlrightAlrightAlrightAlrightAlrightAlright!

A woman was sipping a glass of wine while relaxing with her husband... "I love you so much, she said, I don't know how I could live without you:

Her husband asked, "is that you or the wine talking"?
She replied "it's me, talking to the wine"

I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you.

Well not a grizzly bear because
they have claws, and not a panda bear
because they know Kung Fu... But a
care bear, I'd definitely fight a care
bear for you.

The three hardest things to say to somebody are: "I love you", "I'm sorry", and...

Worcestershire.

I love you, too

because I love you less than three <3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man takes "I love you" -tattoo on his dick and shows it to her girlfriend...

...girlfriend is staring at the tattoo, shaking her head in disappointment and says: "You're trying to put words in my mouth again?"

My parents always said “I can’t tell you how much I love you.”

I understood why, it would probably be too harsh for me to hear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it befo...

Walking hand in hand, a daughter looks up at her father and asks, "Daddy, what did YOU want to name me?"

"Zelda honey," he responded, "I wanted to name you Zelda. But on the night you were born, mommy said there was no way I was naming you Zelda. You see honey, mommy went through a lot that night, and I was in no position to win naming rights."

"But why Zelda?" she asked.

"Bec...

My father's last words to me were, "I love you, son".

Then he threw me out of the house.

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

On their wedding night, a die-hard golfer makes a confession to his new bride.

"Dearest, I love you more than I can say." He paused. "But I also love golf. And I want you to know that every possible weekend, every vacation, every dollar of disposable income, I will spend on golf, golf memberships, golf vacations, golf clubs.

I know you knew some of this, but I wanted to...

When she texts "I Love You"...

but Auto-correct changes it to "who is this"

I love you just the way you are, I passionately sang to my ex-grilfriend

Then I lay the flowers on her grave.

”I love you unconditionally*.” -God

*Terms and conditions apply.
See Bible for more details.

[OC] My friend recently taught his dog how to say "I love you"

I'm still trying to teach my dad.

'I Love You' is a mathematical function

'I Love You' is a mathematical function where,

'I Love' - is constant and ;
'You' - is a variable..

Hilarious reply to hilarious 'I love you' proposal

It was just a casual talk with one of my best friends,when I told her
"*I'm a negative person will you be my modulus function*"(read it somwhere)

And her reply was
"*I'm a square root so cant take any negatives otherwise this whole thing will become complex*"

I got mathametic-zon...

A wife finds her husband sipping some rum on the patio, he says, "I love you so much, I have no idea what I would do without you". The wife asks, "Is that you talking, or the rum?"

He replied, "That's me, talking to the rum."

If I had a penny for every time I heard "I love you" today...

It might make me reconsider taking my wife out for dinner.

I went to the top of the mountain and screamed "I Love you"

Echo: "I have a boyfriend"

My mom: You know, I love you very much. I'll fight with anyone who messes with you.

Me: You must have a lot of internal conflict

Sister: *gasp*

Mom: ....

Note: mom teased teased us a lot when we were kids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To my girlfriend, I love you so much I'd die for you if necessary, I'd walk across a desert for you,

I'd stick my dick in a cactus for you, I'd have sex with a disease filled hooker for you and in fact I did so I hope you appreciate it.

My girlfriend thinks that I don't say "I love you" enough.

She's clearly never heard me eating a pizza.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

A Father Notices His Son's Bedroom Is Spotless, Then Finds An Envelope

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the...

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

A wife sent a romantic text to her husband one day. It read, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, sent me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer.

I said "looking for cheap flights."

She got very exited and said "I love you," then got on her knees and

gave me the best blow job I've ever had.

Which surprised me as she's never been interested in darts before.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.