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Hookers Jokes

I've heard that hookers don't fart.

They do little prosti-toots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

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A young lady becomes a hooker, and after her first night on the streets, the other hookers are asking her how it went...

"Well, the first guy I met was really hot! A marine with all kinds of muscles!"

"Ooh! Nice!" another girl says. "How'd it go?"

"Well I told him it was $50 for a fuck. He said he didn't have that much. So I told him it's $25 for a blowjob. He didn't have that much either. So I said it's...

There is a street corner where hookers wait around to be picked up

On a light post nearby a parrot is hanging around. As he watches he says, “Same old hookers, same old clients”

This is bad for business so one of the hookers get mad at the parrot and throws a rock at him. He falls down onto the ground. The next morning a nun is walking and sees the parrot. ...

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not three because my basement is still dark.

My city's hookers are putting on a charity event to support local animal shelters.

They're calling it pound-for-pound!

Why do hookers like Christmas morning?

Because that's when Santa finally comes.

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3 hookers are at a bar

They are each taking shots until one talks about how she can take the biggest cock. She says "I can by far take the largest cock, I can fit a whole remote in my vag"

The second hooker says "Thats nothing I can fit a whole wine bottle in my vag and not even feel it"

The third hooker si...

A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly die in a fire and end up before God...

"You are all going to hell!" he announces. "As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Ea...

Why do hookers make great dentists?

They’re pros at drilling, filling and billing.

I heard hookers are now offering the "Romney" for $1,000.

It includes every position.

Whats the one thing thats good for a comedian’s business but bad for a hookers?

The clap

Blind hookers

You gotta hand it to em

What are Christian hookers good at?

Missionary work.

What's a hookers spirit animal?

Crabs

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Two hookers are standing on a corner,

Hooker#1: “You ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

Hooker#2: “No but I’ve been swung around by the tits!”

Hookers were prepared for the pandemic

because they’ve always offered curbside pickup.

Why didn't Gandalf bring hookers to Bilbo's birthday party?

Because he is not a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Something ain't right with society when schoolgirls are dressing like hookers....

.....and hookers are dressing like schoolgirls !!

What’s something both hookers and Santa can say during the holidays?

It’s my busy season.

Hookers on Naval Subs

Substitutes.

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Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."

The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, no. I just burped.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "My wife...

3 hookers are chatting in a bar

The first says "I've worked it so much I can fit a squash up there." The second says "that's nothing, I can stick a melon up mine." The third just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

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Jews and hookers

Q: Why do Jewish guys watch porno movies backwards?

A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back

What do hookers and criminals have in common

They’ve both been in hand cuffs

A guy picks up a hooker

She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300.00. as long as you can say it in three words.”

The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300.00 on the table and says slowly.

“Paint…my….house.”

What does a golf course have in common with half a dozen hookers?

18 holes.

Have you heard the one about blind hookers?

You've really got to hand it to them.

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Three hookers were sitting at a bar.

The first one said: "I can get three fingers up my fanny." And proceedes to demonstrate this to the other two. The second one laughed and said " That's nothing. I can get a whole fist up mine." And she duly obliged to show the other two.

The third one slid down the barstool.

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What can't you hide in a basement full of dead hookers?

My erection

What do you call a hooker who teaches other hookers?

A prostitutor.

There's a pilot for a new reality show based on hookers in a brothel.

It's call "Deadliest Snatch".

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A couple of hookers are standing on a corner as a police car slowly drives by

One turns to the other and asks:
"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The other replies:
"No, but I've been swung around by my tits."

Why won't a pimp let his hookers use gas station bathrooms?

Because of the "no merchandise beyond this point" sign.

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