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Growing Old Jokes

What's the first way to know when you're growing old?

It's your birthday and the only ones who wish you happy birthday are your doctors.

(Not so much a joke. It's my birthday and guess who wished me happy birthday so far.)

Growing old

First you forget names;
Then you forget faces;
Then you forget to zip up your fly;
And then you forget to unzip your fly.

Three elderly women were discussing the problems of growing old.

One said: "Sometimes I find myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise and I can't remember if I'm putting it away or making a sandwich."
Another said: "And I can trip on the stairs and not remember if I was walking up or down."
"Oh well I don't have those sort of problems, t...

Pigs

(Kinda sad, really dark.)

Grandma pig is growing old. She doesn’t want to worry her grandchildren, so she makes something up for the parents.

The kids watch as Grandma is taken away.

“Where is grandma going?” asks a pig.

“Grandma is sick. They’re gonna help her. You won’t...

Robin Hood's Successor

It had been many years since Robin Hood began his quest of "stealing from the rich and giving to the poor". By now he was growing old and tired, and wanted to find someone who could carry on his legacy and lead a new band of Merry Men.

He searched through many villages for someone he could de...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth goes to the pediatrist.

The pediatrist asks him what the problem is. The moth sighs and says, “Well...it’s my job. I’ve been at the mill for nigh on two decades and I have begun to feel like I’m just plugging along waiting for the end. I’m still working toward something, but I thought by the time I got to be this age I’d h...

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