Mr Grasshopper and Mr Centipede had plans to go jogging today. Centipede knocks on Grasshoppers door and nobody answers.

After a coupled failed attempts Grasshopper this time knocked while yelling “Mr Centipede! You home? Hello?” Still nobody answers.

Grasshopper then starts ringing the doorbell yelling even louder in a loud voice “ You said 10am now where are you!!??”

Mr Centipede comes to the door a...

Journal: As of February 5th, 2020...

... It’s been 2173 days since I’ve been with a girl... I had to go jogging in flip-flops yesterday to at least remind myself of the sound…

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3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

They're discussing what they are bringing with them to prison. The first guy says "well, I bought a deck of cards. I figure I can play solitaire when I'm bored, I can gamble to make money in there, and l...

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I'm about 80% Deaf

\(This was written with a delivery in mind. Line breaks are very brief pauses. Also yes, I'm really 80% Deaf\)

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When you're 80% Deaf, you ...

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THE CLINTONS AND THE $50 HOOKER

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees him and calls out, “Fifty dollars!”
He's tempted, but the price is a little high so he calls back, “Five!”
She's disgusted and turns away while Bill continues his...

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