UPJOKE
belongbetoilseemlysuitablemisfittantrumdovetailaptappropriatecalisthenicsaerobicsworkoutbejogbreathlessness

Be Fit Jokes

My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week.

We buried him with a heavy heart.

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident....

The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him...

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.

A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks...

The new suit

A man went to a tailor's shop to be fitted for a suit and a pair of shoes. The old tailor took all of the measurements and said to return in a week.

The man returned in a week and put on his new suit and new shoes.

As he stood in front of the mirror he complained that the left sleeve ...

General approaches the Bugler

The General went to the company Bugler.

I understand that you're something of a composer. One of my senior officers has been run over by a tank, and I'd like you to write a funeral dirge for him.

No sweat.

What key will you compose it in?

It would be fitting to use A flat...

The army had to fire three of their generals..

They decided that a monetary compensation would be fitting, so they lined the three generals up and said:

"You will be paid a thousand dollars for each centimeter of distance you create from one body part to another"

The first general stretched his arms as far from each other as he pos...

What profession?

The father of a bright young son went to a wise friend for advice as to what profession the youth should be fitted for. The sage was brusque.

"Let the boy choose for himself," he said.

"But," protested the father, "he's too young."

"Well," responded the wise man, "put him in a ...

A guy walks into a tailor shop.

He tells the tailor he needs to be fitted for a tux. The tailor starts to measure him, and the guy asks "What are you doing?" The tailor says "I'm measuring you to get the right fit." The guy exclaims "I'll do that part myself." So the tailor says "Fine, suit yourself."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy needs to get some plumbing work done

He searches for plumbers, finds the team that seems to be fit for the job and calls them. Two men arrive at his house and take a good look around. Finally one of them says: "Okay, we got it, come back in 3 days, we should be done".
3 days later the guy comes back and sees that they seem to have...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] A man was arrested for hunting without a license...

The judge said, "I see this is your third offense. You never learn. I'm going to give you a punishment you'll remember. I hereby sentence you to wear a deer costume and wait on all fours for a hunter to come by. You'll have a ball gag in your mouth, so you'll understand how the deer feel, as you won...

A guy sees another guy on the other side of the road and runs towards him

"John! John I havent seen you in so long, how have you been?"

"Um, hello, I'm fine thanks but who are you?" the man answered

"Well its me, Frank, don't you remember? We were in high school together!"

"Maybe, are you sure?"

"Yes, you've changed so much! You used to be fit!...

So Tech Source got robbed........

Some people say it was a setup

I suppose it would be fitting

He's kind of obsessed with setups

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.