"You,re the first defensive player ever to win the Heisman trophy, and no one can take that away from you."
"....Unless, of course, you kill your wife and a waiter"
If you see your joke, by all means comment, but don't repeat it, find another -he has thousands and thousands - I ...
Two Gals were sitting at the corner talking ...
One saw her boyfriend coming up the street with a bunch of flowers. "Oh great" she said. " Now I'll have to lay on my back with my legs spread all weekend." Her friend replied "Why ? Don't you have a vase ?"
The week of Christmas is always a hectic one at the North Pole. This one from long ago was especially so.
The elves had learned a new word “Unionize” and kept making threats.
Blitzen was colicky, Dasher had the worst case of gas he’d experienced in years and Vixen was pregnant; again!<...
For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke? -The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke? -Bubbles was the woman next door.
Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold
Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...
My family is always irritated by my bad memory. "Where's the keys?" I forgot it. To all guys and gals who have a similar condition and know what I'm feeling right now, I present this joke that makes irritation fade away and smiles appear...
I forgot it.
2 Big Old Gals Were Sitting In A Bar
A man heard them talking and noticed a foreign accent. He asked "are you ladies from Ireland?"
"WALES!!" they both replied
"Oh I'm so sorry!.... Are you two Whales from Ireland???"
Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of water?
2 gals 1 cup
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
(NSFW) Kevin had a 16 inch Dick.
Is dick was so big, he couldn't get any gals.
He went to a doctor, who was looking at the miracle unbelievably.
Doctor: "I..I.." the doctor stuttered, " Medical science cannot cure this."
"But..." the doctor says, "there is a wizard in the deep Lock Nock Lake. Go to him and he'l...
Two golfers were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man sai...
Guy goes into a bar trying to pick a woman...
He moves from table to table chatting up the ladies, but nobody is interested.
Then at the back of the room, he sees a dude sitting there with girls all around him, laughing, and hugging him, hanging on his every word, giggling at his every joke.
Later he sees that guy in the bathroo...
How do you make a perfect cakeday joke?
You dont. You just beg for Karma.
(Happy 5 years guys and gals)
A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.
Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says “excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England”. One of the women replies “ No idiot. Wales!!!!”
The Foreigner is taken aback. “ I’m sorry, let me start over” he says. “ Excuse me. Do you two whales ha...
The Bar with the Golden Toilet
A guy is recounting his previous night's drunken adventure to his buddy.
"I'm telling ya man. This is the best bar in the whole city. Every Friday night they have all you can drink specials for $2. And the best part... a sorority house is right next door and the place is just filled with youn...
So I found out this week that my mom has Leukemia, and is going into the hospital either today or pretty soon there after to start chemo and then hopefully get a bone marrow transplant. I've decided to send her a video of me telling a joke a day to help keep her spirits up, but I know my library of...
What is your favorite one to two line joke?
Keep em coming boys and gals. This is making my 15 car ride way better!
Dear John Revenge (Sorry if repost)
Again, sorry if this is a re post but I love it!
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" Letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must ad...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A Man Goes to Hell...(NSFW)
A man goes to Hell, and is given a choice of which room he wants to spend eternity in. The demon leading him shows the man the first room. Inside are a bunch of people waist deep in shit.
"Nope, not this one" He says.
The demon takes him to the next room. In here everyone is neck deep...