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Eons Jokes

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An American and a Russian die and go to Hell... (Long)

They are met at the gates by Satan, who offers them a choice: They can either go to American Hell or Russian Hell.

Both new arrivals are curious as to what the difference is, so Satan explains that in American Hell you are free to do whatever you want; you'll find that we have all the finest...

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God's Vacation

God decides he'd like to take a vacation. So he goes to St. Peter at the pearly gates and asks,

"Pete, I need a vacation, being God is fucking stressful. Where should I go?"

St. Peter says, "well Pluto has good skiing."

God shakes his head fervently and replies, "no way, I brok...

An engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter greets him. "Come in, come in." says Peter, "We can always use another engineer." But the engineer is not so sure he wants to go to Heaven. He is a builder and a doer and is afraid he will be bored. So he asks if he can have a look at ...

Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

It took a pig eons to become one.

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Death is inevitable

The Pacific and Atlantic Oceans start a conversation.

Atlantic: What's up Pacific?

Pacific: I'm not doing too well.

Atlantic: What's the problem.

Pacific: What's the problem? Well I'll tell you what the problem is. Everything is more complicated than you think. You only s...

Bill Clinton finds a lantern washed up on the beach...

One day Bill Clinton was walking along the beach and found a magic lamp that had washed up, partially buried in the sand. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “One wish.” Bill thought for a minute and said, “I want to be the guy who brings peace in the Middle East.” The...

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God and Satan were talking together one day...

One day, eons and eons ago, in a rare moment of free time for them both, God and Satan were talking together. The discussion turned to how difficult it was to communicate back and forth between heaven and hell.

Eventually, they decided that a bridge would be built between the two kingdoms. ...

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My girlfriend said it is okay to have a small penis

To roam the path is to become one with it.
We exist as superpositions of possibilities. We heal, we believe, we are reborn.
It can be difficult to know where to begin.

Visitor, look within and recreate yourself. How should you navigate this interstellar dreamscape? The dreamscape is cal...

Three men had just died...

...and went to Hell. Lucifer happily gives them a tour before stopping beside a row of three doors. At the first door, the Devil bade the first person to enter, whilst asking, "If you had one wish for anything in the world, what would it be?" The first man immediately blurted, "I want an endless sup...

A man was offroading in the desert.

He was driving over the dunes and past the shrubs and bushes that dotted the landscape, when a sandstorm started blowing over. He figured he'd be fine, but the sand made his engine lock up.

After it had passed, he went out in search for help. The storm disoriented him and blew away his car tr...

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