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Dev Jokes

I recently rejected a junior software dev job at IKEA.

I kinda know java, kotlin and some php but unfortunately Assembly was required.

One for the software devs

There are two eternal problems in traditional software engineering:

1. Garbage collection
2. Naming things
3. Off-by-one errors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gamer walks into a bar...

...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.

While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...

A Game Dev wakes up, brushes their teeth, gets dressed, grabs their keys and walks out of the door

Map Failed to Load

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

Why did the DevOps engineer lose his job and his girlfriend?

Because he couldn't commit

Here's some Lame Game Dev Humour:

So, I used to work at a studio - doesn't really matter where - and there was this one guy who'd always be around. Just around. I didn't want to seem impolite so I never asked what he did. I kept my head down and did my thing, you know. I mostly forgot about him, except for when I'd be working late a...

What is a videogame people have been waiting forever and devs never seem to release the sequel?

Formula 1

How many Devs does it take to change a light bulb?

Well none, it's a hardware issue.

Dev was a coder and wanted to marry a girl but his parents opposed

DEVELOPED

A Microsoft Dev walks into a room....

Bethesda is working on Skyrim remastered 4k edition for the new xbox.

Microsoft Dev "Woah that screenshot looks cool"

Bethesda Worker: "That's not a screenshot, it's...it's the game"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot found themselves standing before the Gates of Heaven.

fuck u/spez -- mass edited with redact.dev

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

Programmers make bad dating partners

A JavaScript developer will make empty promises and not call you back.

A Java developer will act classy but he’ll treat you as an object.

And a Python developer will take up all the space and everything will move too slow anyway.

Two developers are working on a simulation when it suddenly goes haywire before returning to normal

Dev 1: Did you see that? I think the simulation just broke for a second.

Dev 2: I think it's more accurate to say it glitched.

Dev 1: Dude, I'm not about to argue over sim antics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the clitoris and a can of Bud Light?

zeps/u kcuf -- mass edited with redact.dev

On the train to a computer convention

Three developers from Red Hat and three from Microsoft use the train to get to a convention. The three devs from MS buy a ticket each, the three devs from RH buy only a single ticket together. The devs from MS sit down in the same cabin to see how they get thrown out.

As the conductor comes,...

What does the software developer say when he gives someone an STD?

Uh-oh, I deployed a bug.

How many Google engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The custom devs will eventually take care of it!

To not go off on a tangent

license hunt reminiscent head teeny encouraging versed pathetic label north -- mass edited with redact.dev

Why are Indians the best programmers?

Because they're born Devs.

A game develper goes to H*ll

A young game developer is killed before his time, and stands before Saint Peter.
"Because you died so young, we cannot properly judge you on your sins and virtues. Therefore, you will be allowed to choose between going to Heaven or Hell."
Before the developer can express his dismay, St. Peter ...

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Are you sure?

So a man dies and is sent to hell.

When he gets there the devil says "hey you know what? I'm in a good mood today so I'll let you pick your eternity here from these 3 doors"

The man says ok and opens the first door.

Behind door #1 was a lion eating a man alive, every time the li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You've Been Programming Too Long When...

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omit...

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