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Def Jokes

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

What do you call a def gynecologist??

A lip reader

I bought a high-def TV today

It’s my new year’s resolution

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain...

What's the difference between a turkey and Def Leppard?

A turkey has two drumsticks

What do we say to the god of Def ?

"Agnaghha gaggahgah"... Sorry I was thinking out loud

What did the blind, def and mute kid get for Christmas?

Cancer

Have you heard of OS X Def Leppard?

It runs on ARM.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are moving to Japan, you are def going to enjoy doing two things there: no. 1-

and
no. 2.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old and crusty retired Army Master Sergeant was sitting by himself at a bar [mildly NSFW]

...when a beautiful blonde bombshell comes in the room. She noticed the old Master Sergeant right away. She finds him rugged and handsome, and sits down next to him.

"May I buy you a drink?" she asks him. He obliges.

She's obviously interested in him. The blonde says to him "So t...

What animal has 9 arms and sucks

A def leopard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wives and husbands stores

There's a store somewhere in a small town that advertises selling ready-to-go husbands for women who wish to settle down. One day a woman walks in looking for a husband.

As she walks in, she sees a sign that says "Welcome to Husbands 'R Us! This store has 6 floors. On each floor you will fin...

When a Cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a

Def Leppard

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

What do you call a furry that cant hear?

Def Leopard

Was playing air drums to AC/DC the other day when I dropped my stick...

...had to switch to Def Leopard

I used to play air drums for Rush in my car until I lost a stick out the window.

Now I can only play for Def Leopard.

What's a big cat that can't hear?

Def Leppard.

Who would record for Beethoven if he was still alive today?

Def Jam.

What’s a deer without eyes?

No eye deer.

What’s a deer without eyes or legs?






Still no eye deer.

What’s a deer with no eyes, legs, or ears?






Def. still no eye dear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got stoned and made a sex tape with a girl with hearing loss..

It was high def

A Python Executable Message that Describes this Sub. Yes it really runs...

this = we = 1

# Start reading here...
try:
def ending(your, self):
for reposting in [this.__sub__]:
while we:
raise 'hell'
except:
None and None

What do you call a cat that’s been listening to too much rock and roll?

Def Leppard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mama Bear Papa Bear and Baby Bear...

Are sitting at the table for breakfast. The Papa Bear says "my porridge is too hot!" And the Mama Bear says "my porridge is too cold!". The baby bear says "bitch bitch bitch, can't you guys ever be happy about anything?"

... As told by an 84 year old Italian man who was a patient of mine at...

I caught my friend licking my tv today.

So much for the high def LSD screen.

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