Computer Programmer Jokes

On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".

He never returned.

They always have multiple baaa-cups.

She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,

"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,

"Because they had eggs."

This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt... read more

None, it's a hardware problem.

They go out and grab a byte.

He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'... read more

Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25

SyntaxError: unexpected EOF while parsing

Ctrl+P

Cody.


(pretty sure I just made this up :) )

You could say I improved bit by bit

The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer programmer: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyon... read more

Floppy drive.

As he holds up 8 fish, he says "I only got one byte"

Whoops, wrong usb.

Because he wanted arrays

All fields should be private.

Because they can't C.

All I want is one byte. Hell, I'll even take a nibble.

Because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said to "1. Lather 2. Rinse 3. Repeat"

Runtime Error.

After a short pause, he replied "Yes."

They were too GUI.

Because it was all baroque and no byte

Oh, wait. That's a hardware problem.

[source](http://nerdfighteria.info/video/54/Zrnd63DAH8o)

When he talks to you, he stares at your shoes instead of his own.

A PDFile.

They both worry about the position of colons.

I’ve been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python

After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn’t work at ... read more

A lady walking by notices him and says, "Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"


"That's OK," says the guy, puffing casually, "I'm a computer programmer."


"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

... read more

...unless you count like a computer programmer.

The buisnessman says: Look! The zebra here are white!

The biologist says: That may not be true, but its an important discovery nonetheless

The statistician says: This zebra is insignificant, only one is known to exist

The mathematician says: Actually we only know that this zebra... read more

A dog walks into a job centre, goes up to the woman at the desk and says, 'Good afternoon, miss. I'm looking for work.'
The woman looks up, amazed, and says, 'Good heavens, a talking dog! Er... well, let's try the circus in town. I'll give them a ring.'
The dog says, 'The circus? What on earth... read more

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tel... read more

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ... read more