UPJOKE
noisesoundsaunterplodambletrudgemerrilytrundlescootvroomcareenmeandergurgleclackglug

Chugged Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window.

Ten minutes later, with no injuries, he ran back into the bar, chugged a pint, then jumped out of the same window.

When he returned ten minutes later, a man asked him how he survived.

“You see, alcohol makes you warmer and heat rises. So if you chug a pint really quickly then concentra...

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin...

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed
to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar,
an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man sits down at a bar that has a huge jar full of cash on it...

The man calls the bartender and says "Hey, what's the jar for?" The bartender tells the man that the bar has a challenge where if a customer can complete 3 tasks they will take home all the money in the jar, but if they lose, they have to empty their wallet into it. The man sizes up the jar and asks...

A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of the finest whiskey...

The bartender lines them and the guy downs them one after another within 30 seconds.

"Wow," says the bartender. "You sure chugged those fast."

"You'd drink fast, too, if you had what I had!" the guy says.

"What's that?" the bartender asks.

"Thirty-five cents."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Up in the air

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off.

On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster...

Two friends meet after a long night of drinking...

...and the two compare how much they drank. The first says, "I must have downed a dozen shots of Tequila, and when I woke up this morning, I was naked on the floor of a hardware store."

The second says, "I chugged a bottle of whiskey, went home, and blew chunks."

The first chuckles "...

A guy walks into a bar holding an alligator. He gently rests it on the counter, and takes a seat.

“You can’t bring that in here!” the bartender exclaimed, motioning for the man to leave.
“Aw, he’s completely harmless, won’t hurt a fly I promise!” replied the owner of the alligator.
The bartender was not amused and again insisted that the man leave.
“Alright,” said the man standing up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a sign in front of a bar that states "Free Beer For 1 Year Inquire Inside"

The man goes inside and sits down at the bar, and asks the bartender about the sign he saw out front. The bartender informs him that all he has to do is complete 3 tasks, and the bar will give him free beer for one year. The man asked what the tasks were and the bartender responded. First you need t...

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bum and his amazing taste buds

So this drunk bum walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender tells him "get out of here you don't have any money and you stink". "come on say's the bum, just one and I will leave I swear". The bartender thinks about it and thinks well one won't hurt if it will get him out of here. He then g...

There was a depressed looking man sitting in a bar...

... with a full drink that he had not touched. Another bloke clearly looking for trouble came along, laughed at the clearly depressed guy, grabbed his drink and chugged it down.

The poor depressed man started crying. The trouble maker apologised and said how he was only joking. The depressed ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 3rd grade teacher asked her students to tell a story with a moral...

... John volunteers first and says, "One time I was picking eggs from the hen house and stuffed them all up into one basket. When I was walking back inside I tripped and almost half the eggs fell out and broke. The moral of the story is: don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Good", said th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Jonny and Uncle Ted

A classroom of elementary school students were discussing morals to stories one day. The teacher completed the lesson and with a few minutes left in the class asked, "does anyone have any stories with morals that they would like the share?" Kids hands shot up and the teacher pointed to Suzzy.
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.