An employee asks his boss to be transferred to a new department.

"Why, what's wrong with the fan department you're in now?" says the boss.

"Are you kidding me? This department blows!!"

The boss sighs, "Well, there is an opening in the vacuum cleaner department..."

"Hell no!" the employee screams, "that department sucks!"

The boss chas...

A farmer has a wife who loves to correct him.

One day, he asks her if he can invite his friend Billy over for dinner. "Don't say Billy," she chastises, "say William."

After they eat dinner, he asks William if he can tell him a tale. "Don't say tale," the wife says, "say anecdote."

When the farmer is about to go to bed, he realizes...

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A priest goes fishing

A priest goes fishing with one of his parishioners and catches a large fish. The parishioner, still excited at the catch, exclaims "That's a big fucker!"

The priest immediately chastises the parishioner for his language. Thinking quickly, the parishioner replies: "But Father, that's the n...

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A man walks into a hardware store...

you know the type, the independent store that barely survives and sells EVERYTHING, but rarely has a customer, how they are still trading is a miracle. Anyway, the man approaches the counter and asks the shopkeeper "I need a budgie file".

"A budgie file?" The shopkeeper muses out-loud, "not h...

One my dad taught me years ago, couldn't find it with a search so I thought I would share

So this girl is going on a ride with her good friend Louie who's known for being a pretty reckless driver, she has to hold on for dear life while he cruises through a red light and she chastises him for it. Louie isnt concerned though, he says "my brother Vinny does it all the time"

They co...

the importance of aim

so there were these twins who had grown up with a relatively religious christian upbringing. good kids, loved playing golf for fun. now, these twins tried acid in college and had super opposite reactions - one became atheistic and the other joined the clergy. however, as time passed they both still ...

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A nun goes down to the market...

A nun goes down to the market to buy a fish to prepare for dinner back at the convent. As she approaches the local fisherman's stand, she sees him holding up a massive fish, saying, "I'm selling this big Sunnuvabitch!". The nun, repulsed by such language, chastises the fisherman for saying this. He ...

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The parrot and the prostitutes

A lady goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. One particular parrot is extremely cheap. She asks the pet shop owner why. The owner replies that it has spent some time in a brothel and has picked up some bad language. Always the spendthrift, the lady takes the parrot home with the intention of teachin...

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Little Johnny's penis starts to itch while his mom registers him for summer camp...

...so he scratches the itch. The counselor and his mother both see this, and his mom chastises him.

"It's not appropriate to do that to yourself in public or private, honey. I don't wanna see you ever scratching yourself in public again."

"Okay mom." Johnny says.

Later, Little ...

A Priest and a Rabbi Go Golfing...

A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing. On the first hole, the Rabbi swings and misses, yelling, "Goddammit, I missed!" The Priest chastises him in response, telling him "Don't say that, or else God will strike you down."

They go to the next hole, and the same thing happens. The Rabbi yells "Goddamm...

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