UPJOKE
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Broken Up Jokes

Ever since me and my ex broken up I’ve been calling her the bull…

She’s been chasing red flags non stop

Elon Musk and his girlfriend have broken up.

Told her he needed some space.

Why is getting broken up with like doing algebra?

You've got an ex, and you're trying to figure out why.

I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Girlfriend has broken up with me over my chronic gambling addiction..

.. Desperate to win Her back.

I heard Facebook was going to get broken up...

...so I've already claimed Eyebook, Nosebook, and Mouthbook dot com.

A man walks into a bar, broken up about his past relationship

The man orders a drink and catches the attention of another man sitting at his table. They engage in a conversation and started talking about tennis. Out of nowhere, the man said:
"What's the meaning of love?"


"Nothing." The man's new friend responded.
Crying, the man ran out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend came pissed off at me, saying that it had not even been two days since he broke up and I already had sex with his ex girlfriend

I said: Sorry dude, I didn't know you guys had broken up!!

People say that they hate getting broken up with. To be honest, I hate ending the relationship more!

I mean come on, they were together for 3 years before I slept with her

I should have broken up with my boyfriend when he showed me his collection of Soviet memorabilia...

I mean, the red flags were right there in front of me.

The price of victory

I wrote this joke in a book I published recently.

>“Would you like to hear a joke I wrote about seafood?”
>
>“Sure.”
>
>***A man went to a restaurant and ordered lobster. When the plate was placed before him, the lobster was in numerous pieces. The man asked...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Compatibility

A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his f...

My ex used to beat me a lot with stringed instruments.

Then i realised that she used to do it to all of her previous boyfriends.
I would have broken up sooner if i had known she had a history of violins

My girlfriend is very insecure about relationships

It probably didn't help when I told her I've never broken up with a girl who wasn't pregnant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cock fighting is legal in Minnesota.

As long as you don't use chicken's.

I know it's an old one, but there was a cock fight broken up in my county last night and this was going around the jail.

I came across a guy changing his tire on the side of the road

So I stopped to help him, his lug nuts were on super tight, so we both pushed on the tire iron with our full weight, which was a mistake, you see, because i lost my balance, and fell hard, with an audible snap!

“Oh my God! My arm I broke my f-ing arm!”

“Which bone?” He asked me, as he ...

A guy walks into a bar.

The guy next to him says, "What's up, buddy?"

He says, "My wife just left me."

"My, my. What are the chances," says the guy. "My wife just left me too."

Then a third guy looks over at them from the other side of the bar and says, "Did I just hear that right? Your wife just left ...

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