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Atheists Jokes

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

if Christians read the Bible to get closer to God, what do atheists read to further intensify their non-belief?

The Bible.

Why do atheists struggle with exponents?

They don’t believe in a higher power.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Atheists! If God isn’t real,

Then why did my girlfriend get pregnant even though we didn’t have sex?

I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now

they are a non-prophet organization

What’s a religious saying atheists can agree with?

“He who fears god has nothing to fear”

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. The atheist actually changes the light bulb, rather than praying that it will be done.

Why do atheists give away all their unnecessary money?

They’re a non-prophet organization

What are Atheists?

A non-prophet organization.

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.

One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"

The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohamm...

Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists?

Because the conservatives are at work.

A pick up line for atheists

Did you fall from heaven?

Because your unbelievable.

For Christians, Jesus is always the answer. What’s always the answer to atheists?

Your mom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during sex?

Because it's unbelievable.

In fact, religious persons are not much different from atheists…

There are 4,000 religions in the world.

A religious person believes that 3,999 religions are wrong.

An atheist believes that 4,000 religions are wrong.

Why shouldn’t atheists pay taxes?

They are not for prophets

When I was 8, I had a friend who was raised by atheists.

He once told me, “I don’t know where Adam and Eve is...”

“Are,” I corrected. “And they’re in heaven.”

“I don’t know where Adam and Eve are,” he corrected. “But my mom and dad sure do shop there often.”

Five atheists are driving in a car

Five atheists are driving in a car when they pass a church. Two priests are tending the lawns outside the church.

A sign outside the church says "Beware! The End is Near! Turn yourself around Right Now before it's too late!"

The atheists shout at the priests "Leave us alone you miserab...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the biggest problem Atheists have during sex?

No-one to talk to during an orgasm.

Retired atheists will now get extra money according to a weird new proposal, which has been dubbed

sus pension of disbelief.

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