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Antique Store Jokes

A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around.

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it."

The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do wa...

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Woman visits the antique store

And find a beautiful wardrobe. She decide to buy, but says, that it is too big and won't fit through her door.

The clerk tells her that they can disassemble it, deliver to her house and then assemble it again. She accept so they do just that.

Next day woman calls to the store explainin...

A man stumbles across an old oil lamp in an antique store...

The lamp is very dusty, so he gives it a rub, and the room starts to shake, and a genii appears.

He announces, "I am the Great Genii of the lamp! Since you've freed me, I will grant you one wish."

The man replies, "Just one?"

The genii relies, "Blame Reganomics, now time is sh...

A communist and his friend walk into an antique store

His friend said:

“Woah,look at this really fancy cone glass thing with the sand!,its mine!”

The communist said:

no


Its Hourglass

Did you hear about the Irish guy who was assasinated at the antique store?

It was a knick knack paddywhack!

A man has just bought a grandfather clock from an antique store.

He’s carefully carrying it out of the store onto the sidewalk when all of the sudden the town drunk runs into him smashing the grandfather clock and knocking both of them down.

The man jumps up and says “why don’t you watch where you’re going!”

To which the drunk replies “why don’t you...

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.


“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”


The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

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My friend just told me, “Going to antique stores is gay.”

I said, “No. It makes you buy curios.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into an antique store with a small wooden box

"My Granddaddy found this in the flotsam of a Nazi sub they sank off the coast of Hatteras." He opened up the box to reveal a finely made typwriter-like machine with 4 wheels set in it. "What do you reckon it is?" He asked the store owner.

"Why sir, that is an enigma."

"Damn! No o...

A man finds a genie lamp at an old antique store

He takes it home and is rubbing it when a genie comes out. The genie tells him that he is an older genie and because of this can only grant the man one wish. The man thinks for a while and tells the genie "well I really like traveling to Hawaii. I'd like a highway that goes all the way from Californ...

You know you're old when you walk into a antique store

And they start bidding on you.

Bridge to Hawaii

One day, a man found a lamp in an old antique store and when he picked it up, **POOF** a genie popped out.
"I shall grant you anything you wish, but choose wisely, because I can only grant one." The genie said.
The man thought for a moment before saying, "I want a bridge from California to...

Your mama's so dumb ...

... she walked into the antique store and asked, "What's new?"

My 98 year old grandmother told us this one, in french

A man and his wife go into an antique store and start looking around. They walk by the shop owner's parrot who looks at the man and says, "Hey!" The man looked at the parrot and the parrot says to him, "YOU'RE WIFE IS SOOOO UGLY!"

Suddenly the shop owner storms over to the parrot and starts ...

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I asked a paraplegic how he lost his legs

He told me his wife brought a mirror home from the antique store and hung it from the closet door one day. She said "Honey, watch this. Mirror mirror on the door, grow my breasts two sizes more." Instantly her chest grows two sizes. He said "I couldn't help it, so I said 'mirror mirror on the door, ...

Three women were shopping at the market place in a foreign country...

A ravishing brunette, a scientist redhead, and a famous Blonde. As they explore the area, they find a fancy antique store with various interesting items, but the most alluring was a big oval mirror with a golden exquisite frame.

 

So they ask the owner about it, and he says "a...

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Sex Drive (Long)

A older man was walking through a antique store when he saw a lamp having a laugh to himself he picked it up and rubbed it. All of a sudden a genie burst out of it almost giving him a heart attack. The genie told the man since he freed him he was willing to give him a single wish. The man pondere...

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A guy walks into a diner with an ostrich.

The waitress comes up to take their order. The guy says, "I'll have the fried mozarella sticks, triple bacon cheeseburger, and extra fries with chili and cheese on them."

The waitress looks at the guy, stunned- he's in great shape, and she's amazed that he could eat like that and maintain his...

The Piano Man

A man walks into a bar, he sees a very small man, no more than one foot high, sitting at the piano and playing some of the most beautiful music he had ever heard. Quite impressed, and more than a little curious, the man walks up to the bar tender and asks where this strange man came from.
"Oh, th...

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