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Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

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what do you get when you have unprotected ear sex?

hearing AIDS

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My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex

I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.

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Unprotected Friending

The act of hanging out with a friend and not maintaining social distancing or wearing a mask.

Kind of like unprotected sex. It’s fun while you’re doing it but feels dirty afterward and leaves you worrying for weeks.

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Imagine to surviving all the unprotected sex

Only to die of unprotected handshakes.

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[at the doctor after having unprotected e-sex]

doc it hurts when IP

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An alligator decided to have unprotected sex...

Now he has Gatorades.

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Why would Gordan Ramsey never have unprotected sex with a man?

Because it's fucking raw!

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What do birds get if they have unprotected sex?

Cherppies!

Do you know why that's really bad?

Their un-tweetable!

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Why is it safe to have unprotected sex with a vampire?

Because vampires can't come inside unless invited.

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I was recently in a play about unprotected sex.

It was hell, every night I got the clap.

If you have unprotected six

You might get eights

What comes from unprotected casual hook-ups?

Netflix & chilldren

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What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

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Having unprotected sex is like having a 401(k)...

You have to know when to pull out

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College is like unprotected sex...

Good until you get tested

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Two promiscuous citrus fruits have unprotected sex

They get lemon-aids

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What do you contract from unprotected sex with a cowgirl?

Gonor*yeeeeehaaaa!*

I walked into my local bank, they asked me to remove my mask..

I said there was no way I was going risk my life or theirs by exposing us to an unprotected face.

.


.


.


Then I gave them 1 minute to fill the duffle bag.

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Studies show unprotected sex has over an 8 percent chance of causing Cancer.

The same study found a near equal chance of causing Gemini or Sagittarius.

I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...

It's dangerous to have unprotected sects.

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

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Quality assurance joke about sex (NSFW)

There was a quality assurance bug tester who was interested in getting pregnant. She read on a factual website that having sex without a condom will make you pregnant, so that's what she did. However, a month later, she was not pregnant.

Frustrated, she submitted a complaint to the website th...

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A paper bag walks into the doctors because he's feeling a little down

Has some tests and come back a week later.

Doctor says, "I'm sorry son, but you're HIV positive"

The bag is in disbelief "How can this happen, I'm a paper bag?"

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

"We'll no, I'm a paper bag"

"What about sharing needles"

"No...

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Wireless Internet is like Sex

You still want it, even if it's unprotected and in a public place.

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- Doctor, I want to live very old

- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explai...

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A 30 year old guy goes to the doctor for a check up

After running some labs and checking vitals, the doctor asks the patient some questions.

Doctor: How often do you drink?

Patient: I've never touched the stuff.

Doctor: What about tobacco use?

Patient: Never tried it. Never will.

Doctor: Do you use any recreation...

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An American Guy goes to China

while in China he has unprotected sex. He then returns to the States after two weeks, he noticed bright green and purple freckles. He immediately goes to see a doctor.
Doc says this is a rare disease called Mongolian VD I'm sorry but the only cure is to amputate your tool.
Horrified he goes t...

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The Bravest Football Fan

Three football fans, an Arsenal fan, a Chelsea fan, and a Manchester United fan, are caught gambling in a country in which gambling is illegal. They are brought before a judge and sentenced to be whipped 50 times each. Right before the judge releases the men, he tells them they each can have one req...

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As a man: never raise your hand to a child.

It leaves your balls unprotected.

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So I hooked up with this girl the other day

After we finished having unprotected sex 3 times, she was laying in my arms and told me to tell her something about myself. I told her my nickname is snapchat. She thought about it for a second and curiously asked why. I looked at her and said because if you get pregnant I will be gone in 24 hrs

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Doctor my dick has turned orange..

A man walks into a doctors office and says "doc my dicks turned orange!" So the doctor says "well have you had unprotected sex? Or done any illicit drugs?" The man replies "no doc I've been home all week watching movies and eatin cheetos."

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hangs his head in disappointment and shame, knowing he's contracted an STD,

A old man who's been in a nursing home for many years starts bugging the administrator to let him have a weekend pass, to 'sow his last wild oats', he says, before he finally passes on. Every week he asks the same question and every week he's turned down.
Months later there's a change of staff, w...

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A guy goes to see the doctor . . .

. . . and pulls down his pants to reveal his penis is bright orange.

"Hmmm," the doctor says, "have you had any unprotected sex in the last 6 months?"

"No!" the man grumbled.

"Well, have you been to any 3rd-world countries lately?"

No, I *haven't*," the man said nastily.<...

My music teacher gave the saxophones a lecture on always keeping their cases with them.

Because unprotected sax is really unsafe.

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