This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's difference between the United States and unprotected sex?

With the US, it doesn't matter if it pulls out or not. You are screwed anyways.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex

I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

what do you get when you have unprotected ear sex?

hearing AIDS

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An alligator decided to have unprotected sex...

Now he has Gatorades.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Unprotected Friending

The act of hanging out with a friend and not maintaining social distancing or wearing a mask.

Kind of like unprotected sex. It’s fun while you’re doing it but feels dirty afterward and leaves you worrying for weeks.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

[at the doctor after having unprotected e-sex]

doc it hurts when IP

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why is it safe to have unprotected sex with a vampire?

Because vampires can't come inside unless invited.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Why would Gordan Ramsey never have unprotected sex with a man?

Because it's fucking raw!

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do birds get if they have unprotected sex?

Cherppies!

Do you know why that's really bad?

Their un-tweetable!

If you have unprotected six

You might get eights

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I was recently in a play about unprotected sex.

It was hell, every night I got the clap.

What comes from unprotected casual hook-ups?

Netflix & chilldren

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

College is like unprotected sex...

Good until you get tested

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Having unprotected sex is like having a 401(k)...

You have to know when to pull out

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

PSA: If you have unprotected sex with a banker

Watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Two promiscuous citrus fruits have unprotected sex

They get lemon-aids

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A guy dies and suddenly finds himself in Hell...

He trepidatiously follows the crowd towards the Gates of Hell. He finds a demon holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.

"Craig?," asks the demon as the man approaches.

"Y... yes," answers Craig, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Hi. I'm Ed. I know what you're thi...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Studies show unprotected sex has over an 8 percent chance of causing Cancer.

The same study found a near equal chance of causing Gemini or Sagittarius.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My son has taught me many things.

The main one is that you should never have unprotected sex.

I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...

It's dangerous to have unprotected sects.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

- Doctor, I want to live very old

- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explai...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A 30 year old guy goes to the doctor for a check up

After running some labs and checking vitals, the doctor asks the patient some questions.

Doctor: How often do you drink?

Patient: I've never touched the stuff.

Doctor: What about tobacco use?

Patient: Never tried it. Never will.

Doctor: Do you use any recreation...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Wireless Internet is like Sex

You still want it, even if it's unprotected and in a public place.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A paper bag walks into the doctors because he's feeling a little down

Has some tests and come back a week later.

Doctor says, "I'm sorry son, but you're HIV positive"

The bag is in disbelief "How can this happen, I'm a paper bag?"

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

"We'll no, I'm a paper bag"

"What about sharing needles"

"No...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The Bravest Football Fan

Three football fans, an Arsenal fan, a Chelsea fan, and a Manchester United fan, are caught gambling in a country in which gambling is illegal. They are brought before a judge and sentenced to be whipped 50 times each. Right before the judge releases the men, he tells them they each can have one req...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

As a man: never raise your hand to a child.

It leaves your balls unprotected.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An American Guy goes to China

while in China he has unprotected sex. He then returns to the States after two weeks, he noticed bright green and purple freckles. He immediately goes to see a doctor.
Doc says this is a rare disease called Mongolian VD I'm sorry but the only cure is to amputate your tool.
Horrified he goes t...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Doctor my dick has turned orange..

A man walks into a doctors office and says "doc my dicks turned orange!" So the doctor says "well have you had unprotected sex? Or done any illicit drugs?" The man replies "no doc I've been home all week watching movies and eatin cheetos."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A guy goes to see the doctor . . .

. . . and pulls down his pants to reveal his penis is bright orange.

"Hmmm," the doctor says, "have you had any unprotected sex in the last 6 months?"

"No!" the man grumbled.

"Well, have you been to any 3rd-world countries lately?"

No, I *haven't*," the man said nastily.<...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

hangs his head in disappointment and shame, knowing he's contracted an STD,

A old man who's been in a nursing home for many years starts bugging the administrator to let him have a weekend pass, to 'sow his last wild oats', he says, before he finally passes on. Every week he asks the same question and every week he's turned down.
Months later there's a change of staff, w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.