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Tumour Jokes

I went to the doctor about my brain tumour

... he told me it was all in my head

Damn girl, are you a tumour?

Cause you’re sitting on the wrong organ.

Dogs operating XRays cannot detect brain tumours.

But CAT scan!

I was absolutely livid with my doctor. He told me I had a brain tumour.

Naturally, I panicked at first. But I lost it when he said,

“It’s all in your head.”

Not only is my wife really funny, but she's a world class clinical oncologist too.

She has a great sense of tumour.

I lost a friend to cancer today.

He didn’t die, he just didn’t appreciate the nick name Tumour Rick.

How did the comedian die?

He had a sense of tumour.

A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...

It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour". The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, "what's the good news?" The doctor responds, " the tumour is B9".

How did the doctor tell his patient that he has only 48h left to live?

He said: "I'm sorry but you only have tumour days left to live"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor breaking the news

A patient is at the doctors office, it is the end of his appointment and he is discussing the results with his doctor. The doctor says: “Why don’t you go downstairs to the vending machine and buy yourself a drink on me, this next bit of news might be tough to hear.” The doctor rummages around his po...

A dyslexic boy walks into a toy store and asks for a "satr wars atcion figuer"...

The manager tells him that dyslexia does not cause you to talk in misspelled words and took the boy to hospital where he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.

A man found a mole on his arm one day.

He'd never seen it before, but he wasn't the most attentive person, so he let it alone. A week passed. Eventually, that mole began to grow, and seemed to bleed into the skin around it. The man asked his wife about it, and she said he should probably get it checked out, but he ignored the advice, ass...

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