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Tonto Jokes

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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert when they stop to take a break.

The Lone Ranger has to take a wiz, so he whips it out and starts pissing on a cactus. Suddenly, a rattlesnake jumps out and bites him on the dick. The Lone Ranger yells to Tonto, Hurry! Go to that nearby town, find the doctor, and tell him I have been bit by a rattler!

Tonto gallops to the...

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”


“Chemo, s...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky; what do you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What'...

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

The lone Ranger and Tonto

The lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " ...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are walking up a mountain...

When all of a sudden they see a beautiful blonde coming down the mountain by horseback.

Tonto goes up to the woman and says, "Some"

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto you idiot you're an Indian you are supposed to say HOW not SOME!!!"

Tonto Looks back at the Lone Ra...

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(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

The Lone Ranger and his sidekick, Tonto, were riding through the desert one day...

...when Tonto raises his hand to signal for the Lone Ranger to stop. He then climbs down from his horse and places his ear to the ground. After a few seconds, Tonto says, "Buffalo. Come." The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto in disbelief and asks, "How in the world would you even begin to know that?!" to ...

Tonto & the Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger says to Tonto,
" I'm gonna stop & have a tinkle behind this bush "

The Lone Ranger Screams
" AHHH Tonto come here quickly"

Tonto goes over & see that The lone ranger has been bitten by a Snake....
Tonto says "Don't panic , I know a Witch doctor who l...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the desert...

The Lone Ranger gets off his horse for a piss by a cactus. Suddenly, a rattle snake lunges out and bites him right on the dick. Tonto hears him scream and comes running over. He's lying there on his back, moaning in pain.

Tonto says, "I'll ride back to that native village we passed a while a...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out riding when the Lone Ranger needed to shit. So finding a shrub, he squatted down to do his business. Suddenly he started yelling and screaming for Tonto. "Tonto! A rattle snake bit my asshole. Ride into town and get the doctor!" Tonto jumped on his horse and rode...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a cold December day

"Just wait out here," says the Lone Ranger. "I need to see a man in the saloon. They won't let you in, it's illegal to serve alcohol to your people."

"It's freezing," complains Tonto as he hitches the horses to the rail. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Run up and down to keep warm," the L...

The Lobe Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert

When they come to a high hill they can see that they are surrounded by wild indians on all sides.
The Lone Ranger says “This doesn’t look good my friend, they look fierce and out for blood. What should we do?”
Tonto reply’s “What do you mean “we” white man?”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a winter's day

They pull up outside the saloon and the Lone Ranger says, "I need to see a guy in there - you'll have to wait out here, it's against the law to let you in a place where liquor is sold".

Tonto scowls. "But it's freezing out here, *kemo sabe*!".

"I can't help that - the law's the law," s...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

Tonto's Headache

As the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along the trail the Lone Ranger kept noticing Tonto was wavering in the saddle. He was clinching his eyelids, rubbing at his temples and giving out low moans.

The Lone Ranger asks, "What is wrong my Faithful Indian Companion?"

"Not know for sure...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were on horseback across the prairies...

Every now and then Tonto would dismount his horse and put his ear to the group to check for while life or followers.
Each and every time the Lone Ranger was amazed by Tonto’s talent. He never questioned his predictions. When he said cowboys were up ahead, there were. When he said wild life was ne...

The lone ranger and Tonto ride up to a saloon...

The lone ranger tells Tonto to stay outside and run around the horses in a circle to keep the air moving so the will be cool. He then goes inside and orders some whiskey.

After a few minutes, a man enters and says to the people inside "who do the two horses outside belong to"

"They are...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along one day...

...when suddenly, Tonto stops.

"Kemosabe, we cannot go farther. This is Sioux land."

The Lone Ranger replies "All right then, we will turn south.

"I am sorry we cannot. The Arapahoe are to the south"

"Ok then," says the Ranger, "we go north"

"Kemosabe, the Nez Per...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto . . .

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out in the desert. The Lone Ranger asked Tonto for the time. Tonto takes off his loin cloth, sporting a proud erection. Tonto looks at the shadow of his erection and says "It's 3:15".

The Lone Ranger checks his watch. Sure enough, it's 3:15.

Some time...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are riding their horses across the prairie...

Tonto begins to slow his horse and eventually comes to a complete stop.

Lone Ranger: “What is it Tonto?”

Tonto gets down from his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

Tonto: “Buffalo come.”

Lone Ranger: “Wow, how do you know that?”

Tonto: *rubs the side of his fac...

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I overheard a lady talking about penis sizes.

She was saying she seen in a magazine it said American Indians had the largest penis size and Mexicans had a penis with the largest diameter.

I walked up and said let me introduce myself. My name is Tonto Rodriguez.

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A man on a plane..

…to Las Vegas notices a gorgeous woman walking towards him and she ends up sitting right next to him on the flight.
He’s nervous but decides to give it a shot and spark some conversation.
“So”, he says, “what are you going to Vegas for?”
She replies, “im actually going to a sex convention...

The Lone Ranger finds Tonto lying in the desert with his ear pressed to the ground.

"What is it Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger, knowing full well of his partner's sensory capabilities.

Tonto opens his eyes softly and stares into the horizon, with his ear still flat on the ground.

"Five men.... on three horses.... all armed...." he says.

The Lone Ranger is impres...

Ear me now

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out riding the planes one day looking for signs of the herd when suddenly Tonto leaps from his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come" he says a few moments later. "Amazing!" says the Lone Ranger, "Can you sense the herd moving Tonto?" "No" says Tonto, "...

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Lady on a plane

Was reading Cosmo, and a guy sitting next to her asks her, "Are you reading anything interesting?" She says it says men with the longest penises are native American." He says that is very interesting. The lady says it also says Jewish men have the thickest penises. She says I'm sorry I didn't get ...

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Bobby hopped on the train and found a vacant seat.

After sitting down, he looked around the carriage and observed an attractive woman seated across from himself, reading a book titled "Sexual statistics."



A little intimidated at first, Bobby finally plucked up some courage and initiated conversation.



"Hi, that looks lik...

Who's horse is that?

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?" The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?" The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your hor...

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The Lone Ranger..

and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, S...

Out West

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were passing through town on an incredibly hot afternoon. They rode up to a saloon and hitched their horses. The Lone Ranger told Tonto to run circles around the horses to create a draft and keep them cool. Meanwhile he went inside to get a drink. After a couple beers, a fe...

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The Lone Ranger get bit a snake

The lone Ranger and Tonto are out on the plains. The Lone Ranger somehow gets bitten on the penis by a poisonous snake.

He sends Tonto into the closest town to get a doctor and an antidote. The doctor says , 'There is no antidote for this, you're going to have to suck the poison out'.

...

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A man is seated in 1st class with an open seat next to him.

Anxiously awaiting departure he can't believe his luck when a stunningly beautiful blonde approaches. As she sits down next to him he silently vows to abstain from hitting on her. It's doubtless she's had that happen to her frequently. She settles in and they're off and heading for San Francisco i...

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A white man sits down at the bar...

He overheard a blonde and redhead talking.
The blonde says to the redhead, "What kind of guys do you have the best sex with?" The redhead says "Native Americans. Their penises aren't the longest, but they're so wide and just hits all the right spots."
The man smiles and orders them a couple ...

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Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.

He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. ...

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert one day, and it just so happens that it's unnaturally hot. The Ranger and his Indian sidekick are sweating and panting, and their horses are in even worse shape. They're nearing a town where they can stop and rest, but are still miles out when ...

The Native American

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one ...

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An attractive woman was reading The History of Penises on the bus the other day...

... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"

She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest penises in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"

She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"

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Randolph the Bow-Legged Cowboy

You know George Armstrong Custer
And Frank James and Zorro,
Buffalo Billy, Red Ryder, and Tonto
But do you recall
The most famous cowboy of all?

Randolph, the bow-legged cowboy
Had a very shiny gun
And if you ever saw it
You would drop your pants and run

All of th...

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A man boards a plane after a business trip...

... and he sits next to a gorgeous blonde woman. He notices that she's reading a book called "100 Facts About Sex You Never Knew" and asks her if it's any good. She says, "Yea it's really interesting. Did you know that statistically, Native American men have the thickest penises of any race?" "Oh wo...

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