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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent set up, both men fell asleep.

A few hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger.

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what do you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies "I see a beautiful clear sky with millions of stars".

"What does that tell you?" Asked Tonto....

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at a bar drinking,

when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"

The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"

The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun a...

Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding together through the prairie and Tonto raises his fist to stop. He gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

T: "Buffalo come."
LR: "How do you know?"
T: "Ear sticky."

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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

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(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

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Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blur...

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”


“Chemo, s...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a cold December day

"Just wait out here," says the Lone Ranger. "I need to see a man in the saloon. They won't let you in, it's illegal to serve alcohol to your people."

"It's freezing," complains Tonto as he hitches the horses to the rail. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Run up and down to keep warm," the L...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the desert...

The Lone Ranger gets off his horse for a piss by a cactus. Suddenly, a rattle snake lunges out and bites him right on the dick. Tonto hears him scream and comes running over. He's lying there on his back, moaning in pain.

Tonto says, "I'll ride back to that native village we passed a while a...

Tonto & the Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger says to Tonto,
" I'm gonna stop & have a tinkle behind this bush "

The Lone Ranger Screams
" AHHH Tonto come here quickly"

Tonto goes over & see that The lone ranger has been bitten by a Snake....
Tonto says "Don't panic , I know a Witch doctor who l...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were on horseback across the prairies...

Every now and then Tonto would dismount his horse and put his ear to the group to check for while life or followers.
Each and every time the Lone Ranger was amazed by Tonto’s talent. He never questioned his predictions. When he said cowboys were up ahead, there were. When he said wild life was ne...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are walking up a mountain...

When all of a sudden they see a beautiful blonde coming down the mountain by horseback.

Tonto goes up to the woman and says, "Some"

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto you idiot you're an Indian you are supposed to say HOW not SOME!!!"

Tonto Looks back at the Lone Ra...

The Lone Ranger and his sidekick, Tonto, were riding through the desert one day...

...when Tonto raises his hand to signal for the Lone Ranger to stop. He then climbs down from his horse and places his ear to the ground. After a few seconds, Tonto says, "Buffalo. Come." The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto in disbelief and asks, "How in the world would you even begin to know that?!" to ...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a winter's day

They pull up outside the saloon and the Lone Ranger says, "I need to see a guy in there - you'll have to wait out here, it's against the law to let you in a place where liquor is sold".

Tonto scowls. "But it's freezing out here, *kemo sabe*!".

"I can't help that - the law's the law," s...

The Lobe Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert

When they come to a high hill they can see that they are surrounded by wild indians on all sides.
The Lone Ranger says “This doesn’t look good my friend, they look fierce and out for blood. What should we do?”
Tonto reply’s “What do you mean “we” white man?”

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Learning the ways..

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Sure chief, coming right up...'

He gets the Red Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, p...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

The lone ranger and Tonto ride up to a saloon...

The lone ranger tells Tonto to stay outside and run around the horses in a circle to keep the air moving so the will be cool. He then goes inside and orders some whiskey.

After a few minutes, a man enters and says to the people inside "who do the two horses outside belong to"

"They are...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out riding when the Lone Ranger needed to shit. So finding a shrub, he squatted down to do his business. Suddenly he started yelling and screaming for Tonto. "Tonto! A rattle snake bit my asshole. Ride into town and get the doctor!" Tonto jumped on his horse and rode...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along one day...

...when suddenly, Tonto stops.

"Kemosabe, we cannot go farther. This is Sioux land."

The Lone Ranger replies "All right then, we will turn south.

"I am sorry we cannot. The Arapahoe are to the south"

"Ok then," says the Ranger, "we go north"

"Kemosabe, the Nez Per...

Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping together

They Fall asleep early due to a long day.

In the middle of the night, Lone Ranger wakes up and speaks to Tonto who’s now awake as well

“It’s a beautiful night” Tonto Says

“How so?” Replies Lone Ranger

“There are many stars in the sky” Tonto Replies

“You know what t...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger

One day Tonto and the Lone Ranger were riding the trail when Tonto signals to stop. He dismounts and puts his ear to the ground and listens. Looking up he says,"Kemosabe many buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looks at him in amazement and says,"Tonto I've seen you do that hundreds of time and I'm...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto . . .

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out in the desert. The Lone Ranger asked Tonto for the time. Tonto takes off his loin cloth, sporting a proud erection. Tonto looks at the shadow of his erection and says "It's 3:15".

The Lone Ranger checks his watch. Sure enough, it's 3:15.

Some time...

The Lone Ranger finds Tonto lying in the desert with his ear pressed to the ground.

"What is it Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger, knowing full well of his partner's sensory capabilities.

Tonto opens his eyes softly and stares into the horizon, with his ear still flat on the ground.

"Five men.... on three horses.... all armed...." he says.

The Lone Ranger is impres...

Tonto's Headache

As the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along the trail the Lone Ranger kept noticing Tonto was wavering in the saddle. He was clinching his eyelids, rubbing at his temples and giving out low moans.

The Lone Ranger asks, "What is wrong my Faithful Indian Companion?"

"Not know for sure...

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A man on an airplane notices this very attractive blonde sitting next to him... (Long)

As the flight begins she removes a book from her bag and starts to read. The man immediately notices the title; "Confessions of a Nymphomaniac" and he's instantly transfixed.

After a few moments, she pauses her reading to take a drink and the man seizes his opportunity... "so" he says, "I ju...

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A white man sits down at the bar...

He overheard a blonde and redhead talking.
The blonde says to the redhead, "What kind of guys do you have the best sex with?" The redhead says "Native Americans. Their penises aren't the longest, but they're so wide and just hits all the right spots."
The man smiles and orders them a couple ...

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The Lone Ranger..

and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, S...

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Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.

He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. ...

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An attractive woman was reading The History of Penises on the bus the other day...

... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"

She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest penises in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"

She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"

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A man named Tony gets on an airplane

A man named Tony gets on an airplane in New York going to Las Vegas, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a stunningly beautiful and very sexy woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards him. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo an...

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The Lone Ranger get bit a snake

The lone Ranger and Tonto are out on the plains. The Lone Ranger somehow gets bitten on the penis by a poisonous snake.

He sends Tonto into the closest town to get a doctor and an antidote. The doctor says , 'There is no antidote for this, you're going to have to suck the poison out'.

...

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Randolph the Bow-Legged Cowboy

You know George Armstrong Custer
And Frank James and Zorro,
Buffalo Billy, Red Ryder, and Tonto
But do you recall
The most famous cowboy of all?

Randolph, the bow-legged cowboy
Had a very shiny gun
And if you ever saw it
You would drop your pants and run

All of th...

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A man boards a plane after a business trip...

... and he sits next to a gorgeous blonde woman. He notices that she's reading a book called "100 Facts About Sex You Never Knew" and asks her if it's any good. She says, "Yea it's really interesting. Did you know that statistically, Native American men have the thickest penises of any race?" "Oh wo...

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert one day, and it just so happens that it's unnaturally hot. The Ranger and his Indian sidekick are sweating and panting, and their horses are in even worse shape. They're nearing a town where they can stop and rest, but are still miles out when ...

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