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What does the mafia and pussy have in common

One slip of the tounge and your in deep shit

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Jhonny worked for the mafia and received a promotion...

...to be part of the Boss' security detail. He was assigned to patrol the interior of the Boss' house.

The Boss' daughter saw the fresh meat and wanted a piece of that. She called him into her room and they started to make out. Right when things were getting good the Boss entered the room and...

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia…

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia, who want him to tell them where his company’s money is hidden. They put him in a chair at gunpoint and demand the location, but he won’t tell them a single word.

After a while, the mafia members decide that he isn’t going to be of any use to them,...

Once a man in the mafia, was tasked with killing another man.

He ended up killing him with a porcelain doll in a rice paddy.

It was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

What did the italian baker say to the paramedics after the mafia broke his knees with a pan?

PANINI !

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So there's a deaf accountant who works for the mafia.

One day, the kingpin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the kingpin. Translator says, "There's a million dollars...

What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?

A hamster

Whats the difference between the mafia and an acting troupe?

When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone elses

Barry's job was to write articles for a massive online news site run by the mafia...

He absolutely hated his job, but he had to stay because they would kill his family if he left. He had to write articles about the mafia’s crimes, and because the company had all the lawmakers bribed, they were untouchable even though they openly admitted to their crimes.





The ...

What do you call a butler in the mafia?

A maid man.

Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.

You ask why.

Because they don't say a word when questioned.

Why was the mafia boss surprised when the Spanish hitman missed his shot

He didn't expect the Spanish Imprecision

If Caitlyn Jenner joins the mafia

Would she become a made man or a self-made woman?

Whats the difference between the Trump Administration and the Mafia

the Mafia supports unions

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

You could say I was involved in very organised crime.

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The Mafia leader tells his right-hand man to...

, "Go into the bathroom, jerk off and bring it out." Then he hands him a plastic cup. Unsure of what's going on, the right-hand man goes into the bathroom, jerks off into the plastic cup, and comes out. The Mafia leader says, "Good, good. Now do it again. Don't forget to bring it out." The Mafia lea...

Why did the Mafia cross the road?

Forget about it.

Did you hear about the mafia Don with memory problems?

He kept making people offers he couldn't remember.

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.

One of them is organised.

If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi

it would be a flash mob.

What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?

Pasta asciutta.

Mob bosses who date both men and women are tollerated in the Mafia...

... they let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.

What did they arrest the mafia mallard for?

Quacketerring.













The mafia visited the local pizzeria for extortion money.

They wanted their piece of the pie.

Why doesn't the mafia like elephants?

Bodies don't fit in the trunk.

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What's similar between The Mafia and a Pussy..?

...I haven't been in either.

I quit the mafia to become a housekeeper

Now I’m a maid man.

What's the Mafias favorite game?

whack a mole

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An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up." r/pissing

Did you hear about the guy who got his tongue cut out by the mafia?

Never mind. It's a tasteless joke.

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

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Masturbation in the Mafia

is called 'Offing Jack.'

Artie wants to join the Mafia

So Artie goes to the Mafia and asks if he can join. Big Joe, Head Mafia, replies with,"You must kill a man with a sniper with no hesitations." Artie takes a big gulp and says, "I'm on it sir."

He comes back to Big Joe and has proof that he completed his mission. "Good job Artie! Now you must...

What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?

A maid man.

A guy comes up to an Italian

and says, "you are a southerner. You are in the mafia"

So the Italian told him, "No, look. Not all southerners are gangsters."

But the guy kept insisting, he said, "No, no. You are a southerner. You are in the mafia"

The Italian tried to reason with him by telling him that they ...

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Mercedes

A police officer was standing on the side of the road, as he saw a dirty beggar drive past in a brand new Mercedes. He thought to himself:

"That's unusual."

So, without hesitation, the officer jumped in his car and pulled the beggar over, came up to the window and asked:

- Tel...

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Left handed

The mafia boss was pissed that his captain Alphonse's mistake costed him $5M.

Fearing wrath, Alphonse pleaded - Boss, spare me and don't kill me. I have worked here for 8 years.

The boss said - Alright Alphonse. I spare you. I don't kill left handed man.

Confused Alphonse said ...

An old mafia boss was at the end of his life

He knew he didn't have much time left to live and he was getting worried about where he might end up after his death if he did not get absolution for his sins. He had been a very evil person and he knew that any old village priest would not be able to do the job so instead he arranged a meeting with...

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This guy has a horrible wife.

She screams at him, hits him sometimes, and his life becomes miserable. The problem is that he’s a Roman Catholic, and he can’t divorce her. He’s sitting in a bar one night telling his friend his problem, and his friend says ”Why don’t you have her killed?”
The guy says “I don’t know anyone who d...

I got addicted to gambling on quiz games

Now I’m in Kahoots with the mafia.

What has broken arms, broken legs and is on the bottom of a river?

People who tell jokes about the Mafia.

Which organization makes the best cakes?

The Mafia because they are the best at icing things, especially cakes.

I HAD A ROUGH YEAR

It was a tough year, but I made it !!!
But not everyone is as lucky as I am......
Economy is so bad, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniatu...

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This guy Arty....

So there was this guy Arty. Arty always wanted to be in the mafia. This was his dream since he was young. Henry Hill was his role model. Arty had watched every mafia movie known to man, he was just waiting for the day to meet them and get in.

One day Arty sees 4 mafia members sitting around ...

Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

A boy told his father..

- Dad at school everyday they call me the Mafia boy.


- Well, i will pass through your school to sort it out.


- Ok, but make it look like an accident!

Great Deal at the Grocery Store

Bill is a man in his forties and he gathered his old fraternity brothers together for a weekend to play some poke, reminisce about old times and complain about their lives. Particularly, Bill had marital troubles, and was explaining his worries that his wife was cheating on him.
One of the guy...

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Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have ...

Mafia florists

Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.

One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle th...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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