The Mafia Jokes - 37 Hilarious The Mafia Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the mafia and a pussy have in common?

One slip of tongue, and you're in deep shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mafia leader asks his right-hand man if he would do anything he says .

The guy says he’ll give his life for his Capo. Ok then , "Go into the bathroom, jerk off and bring it out."

Then he hands him a plastic cup.

Unsure of what's going on, the right-hand man goes into the bathroom, jerks off into the plastic cup, and comes out.

The Mafia leader s...

Why did the Mafia hire a magician?

They heard he was an expert in making people disappear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf accountant works for the mafia.

One day, the king pin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the king pin. Translator says, "There's a million dolla...

The Mafia Don's Funeral

The Mafia don of a city dies. His family hold a public funeral allowing friends family and enemies to come and pay their respects.

They take it in turns to come up take a handful of earth to scatter and say a few words. The chief of police takes a handful, scatters it then turns away crying.<...

What's the difference between the Mafia and Price Waterhouse Cooper?

The Mafia have a code of honour.

What is the difference between the IRS and the Mafia?

The Mafia at least gives you protection when you pay.

The Mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep upto date.

They have just launched a new App called Pay-Up-Pal.

Don't ever mess with cleaners who work for the mafia!

They're all maid men.

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

How is the mafia more considerate than Amber Heard?

A freshly cut horse head would take a couple of days to stink up the place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jhonny worked for the mafia and received a promotion...

...to be part of the Boss' security detail. He was assigned to patrol the interior of the Boss' house.

The Boss' daughter saw the fresh meat and wanted a piece of that. She called him into her room and they started to make out. Right when things were getting good the Boss entered the room and...

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia…

An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia, who want him to tell them where his company’s money is hidden. They put him in a chair at gunpoint and demand the location, but he won’t tell them a single word.

After a while, the mafia members decide that he isn’t going to be of any use to them,...

Whats the difference between the mafia and an acting troupe?

When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone elses

Where dose the majority of the mafia operate

In the spaghetto

What do you call a butler in the mafia?

A maid man.

If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi

it would be a flash mob.

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

You could say I was involved in very organised crime.

What did they arrest the mafia mallard for?

Quacketerring.

What did the italian baker say to the paramedics after the mafia broke his knees with a pan?

PANINI !

What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?

A hamster

The mafia visited the local pizzeria for extortion money.

They wanted their piece of the pie.

What's the Mafias favorite game?

whack a mole

Did you hear about the mafia Don with memory problems?

He kept making people offers he couldn't remember.

Barry's job was to write articles for a massive online news site run by the mafia...

He absolutely hated his job, but he had to stay because they would kill his family if he left. He had to write articles about the mafia’s crimes, and because the company had all the lawmakers bribed, they were untouchable even though they openly admitted to their crimes.

The ...

Why was the mafia boss surprised when the Spanish hitman missed his shot

He didn't expect the Spanish Imprecision

Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.

You ask why.

Because they don't say a word when questioned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between The Mafia and a Pussy..?

...I haven't been in either.

I quit the mafia to become a housekeeper

Now I’m a maid man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbation in the Mafia

is called 'Offing Jack.'

Mob bosses who date both men and women are tollerated in the Mafia...

... they let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.

Why did the mafia cross the road?

Hey forget about it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up." r/pissing

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

Artie wants to join the Mafia

So Artie goes to the Mafia and asks if he can join. Big Joe, Head Mafia, replies with,"You must kill a man with a sniper with no hesitations." Artie takes a big gulp and says, "I'm on it sir."

He comes back to Big Joe and has proof that he completed his mission. "Good job Artie! Now you must...

An old mafia boss was at the end of his life

He knew he didn't have much time left to live and he was getting worried about where he might end up after his death if he did not get absolution for his sins. He had been a very evil person and he knew that any old village priest would not be able to do the job so instead he arranged a meeting with...

What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?

A maid man.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.