My girlfriend asked me what size table cloth we should buy

I told her "12x15."

She asked, "feet or inches?" and I told her either one, doesn't matter.

Can't wait to see which one she buys.

If reincarnation was real, I'd come back as a table cloth

I'd get laid three times a day and pulled off at night.

Why did Garry Kasparov took an hour to pass the salt?

Because the table cloth was checked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

A Lena and Sven Joke

Lena went to the doctor a few weeks ago with some problems that Sven had in bed. "Ya know, Sven hasn't been performing as well, I vas vondering what vi could do anything about it" The doctor said"I have this new experimental drug that increase performance, but I warn you it's experimental. Just slip...

A boy was driving home to Minnesota from his first semester of college...

...in California for winter break. He had the car packed and he left after his last final. He wanted to make good time so he drove all night, but as the sun came up his stomach started to rumble...it was time for breakfast!

He pulled into a mom and pop diner and it looked exactly like you'd e...

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The baby elephant trunk...

A man is in a tragic accident and awakens in the hospital. The doctor and nurse are there and after the basic checks the doctor pulls up a chair.

"I have some terrible news, sir. You were in a terrible accident and you lost your penis."

The man is shocked, and starts to weep, but the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with really bad E.D. goes to the doctor for some help

He says, "Listen Doc, I've tried Viagra, acupuncture, you name it. Nothing will get me hard. And to make matters worse, I got a date with this total smokeshow next week and I wanna be on my game. Is there anything you can do for me?"

The doctor gets a really stern and pensive look on his face...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke nsfw

A man was riding his dirt bike one day and has a wreck goes to the emergency room. The doctor says "you torn most of the muscles in your groin so we wanted to get your okay to try a new procedure to replace the muscles in your groin with muscles from an elephants trunk." So he gets the procedure and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A circus train derailed catastrophically (I hope this isn't a repost)...

...and many lives were lost, both animal and human. One clown who was on the train had his penis severed from his body, but luckily the surgeons were able to replace it with the trunk of a dead elephant.

Once fully recovered, the man went on a date. Everything was going smoothly until th...

When you have a 'I Hate My Job' day,try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer
section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson

Be very sure you get this brand..

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove t...

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