How do the best naughty jokes start off ?

The best naughty jokes start with a quick look over your shoulder to see who might be listing!

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What a better way to start off a flight

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude the captain announced:
“ ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. Welcome to flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, rela...

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A couple go to a marriage counselor. The counselor says “let start off with something you have in common”.

The husband says “ neither one of us like to suck cock”

I was hoping 2019 would be a year where people stopped getting offended by everything, but boy was I wrong. All I said was "I hope you start off the new year on the right foot"

Damn amputees

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If you start having sex at 11:58 tonight, you might start off the new year with a blast

if you make it that long

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

How about some stereotyping to start off the day?

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shovelling.'
And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of sup...

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shephard, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have ...

Marriage is like playing cards

You start off with a heart and a diamond, and soon you’re looking for a club and a spade

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use as his house.
He took the box back home, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with h...

Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

My friend asked me if I suck all the toes or just the big one

I told him I treat all toes fairly, I just don’t wanna start off on the wrong foot.

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin?

Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.

My God will save me

Just to start off, this joke was considered blasphemy by a devout Christian. Sorry if it offends you for whatever reason.

John was on the roof of his house as the city was flooding.

A raft stops by and ask the man, "Hey, jump into the raft. The entire city is flooded and you're going t...

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

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