I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. .

My gondolences

Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master?

Because he had a locomotive

I've run over 20 marathons

Still can't get the blood completely off of my front bumper

Did you know that when someone gets run over by a Tesla it isn't considered Vehicular Manslaughter?

They call it electric car battery!

The serial killer who used his car to run over people has finally been arrested

According to lawsuit analysts, he musthang.

A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c...

Recently got run over by a guy in a Tesla, thought he got away but:

He’s currently being charged with battery now

My ex girlfriend got run over by a bus today

Today has just been horrible. I even lost my job as a bus driver.

I hate sports like cricket and baseball because all you do is hit and run over and over

if I wanted to hit and run I'd get in a car

Did you hear about the guy who was run over in a freak steamroller incident in a printing shop?

He made quite a splash across the headlines, but left a good impression on paper

Badoom pssshhh

What do you call a guy that's mad about his feet getting run over?

Lack-toes intolerant

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

*“Curses! Foil again!”*

Why did the driver run over the sidewalk?

He wanted to flatten the curb

What do you call Batman and Robin after they get run over by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

Did you hear about the cyclist who was run over while trying to outrace a car?

First he got tired, and then he got exhausted.

Did you hear about the man who was run over by the police?

He was arrested under suspension of law.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

What is it called when you run over three disabled kids with your car?

Cripple kill.

There was once a chicken who was in a loving relationship with a salad. Unfortunately, the salad died and went to heaven. A few years later, the chicken got run over trying to cross the road. The chicken died and went to heaven.

Finally, the chicken Caesar salad.

Did you hear about the boy who survived being run over by a monster truck?

When reporters interviewed him at the hospital he was alert and said that he just felt very tired.

What did the VSCO girl say when she got run over by a truck?

She didn't say anything. She got skskskquished.

I’m always getting run over by the same bike, same day every month, same place, month after month...

It's a seriously vicious cycle.

What does a crab have in common with a Chinese guy who gets run over by a bus?

They're both crushed Asians.

Did you hear the joke about the guy that got run over by a train because he wasn't paying attention?

Yeah, I guess he didn't either

What do you call a blue bird who’s got run over by a lawn mower?

Shredded tweet



I’ll show myself out

My uncle fell asleep in traffic and got run over...

I guess he got tired

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A woman is lying in the road after being run over.

The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

"You're just a blur," she says, "so my sight is clearly affected."

Concerned, the driver leans over the woman in order to test her eyesight.
"How many fingers have I got up?" he asks h...

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

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A couple driving home run over a badger.....

they get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold.

Husband says "put it between your legs and warm it up".

Wife replies "but it's all wet and it stinks".

Husband replies "well hold the badgers fucking nose then"

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It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice...

Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...

Last year, a group of us in a triathlon were run over by a speed boat, and I was one of the lucky few who survived.

All I got was some swimmer’s ear.

[Long] There was a truck driver who loved to run over lawyers with his truck.

Every time the truck driver saw a lawyer walking by the road he would make sure to run them over with his truck. One day the truck driver saw a priest walking close to the road and thought he could do some good by offering the priest a lift. The priest was grateful for the offer as he had been walki...

"Where is the patient that was run over by a steamroller?"

"In room 69 to 120."

Few people know this, but the man in the famous Tiennaman Square photo was actually run over by a tank. While English-speaking people generally refer to him as the "Tank Man," in Chinese he's known as "Lobster"...

Because he was a crushed Asian.

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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shite, O'Conner," says Sean,

"He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,...

TIL that while little is known about the Tiananmen Square "Tank Man," many eyewitnesses claim that he was actually run over shortly after the famous footage was taken. Indeed, the Mandarin nickname for this folk hero is "The Lobster"...

...because he was a crushed Asian.

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

Officer: I'm sorry sir but it looks like your wife got run over by a truck

Officer: I'm sorry sir but it looks like your wife got run over by a truck.

Guy: I know but she has a great personality.

On an excursion, I decided to go swimming with the Dolphins. Unfortunately, one of them was run over by a boat and killed

I'm really going to miss Dan Marino

A man gets run over by a car. As he is losing consciousness he’s sees the light.

It was a second car

A friend of mine was run over by a red lorry,

then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.

When the policeman informed his family he said
"There's no easy way to say this"...

O’Malley is leaving his favourite bar when he is run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test.

O’Malley agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box.

St Peter decides to go easy on him. “What has five fingers and is made of black leather?” he asks.
O’Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up.
“It’s a glove,” says St Peter. “

Let’s try again...

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A man is driving past a farm when he runs over a rooster...

He feels bad about it, so he collects the rooster and goes to knock on the door of the farmhouse.

When the farmer opens the door, the man says, "I'm afraid I've run over your rooster, it was out in the road. I really do apologize, and I'm more than happy to replace him."

The farmer ha...

I really hope someone brings their cat to Mars only to get it get run over

So we can finally say Curiosity killed the cat.

Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?

The answer is (B) a flounder.

The other two are crushedAsians.

A woman is run over by a man in his car. Who is at fault?

The man. You’re not supposed to drive a car in a kitchen.

Pupil: My neighbour, Mr Chang, got run over and killed by a steam roller. Teacher: Johnny! That’s awful and has nothing to do with the homework I set you. Sit down immediately!

Pupil: But Miss, you said we had to talk about crushed Asians.

On Easter morning a man and his son run over the Easter bunny...

They hop out of the car and the son immediately says "Daddy! You killed the Easter bunny!"

The man thinks to himself and then says "Don't worry, I know exactly what to do."

He goes to the trunk of the car and produces a spray can. He shakes it up and sprays the dead Easter bunny with i...

A man was run over by a truck on his way to the movies

He didn't see the trailer.

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because...

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Every 15 minutes, a woman gets run over.

She's starting to get pissed.

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I just had my foot run over by a rental car...

...fucking Hertz!

Did you hear about the deaf women getting run over by a train?

Neither did she

What's on a toast that got run over by a car?

Traffic Jam

I lived with my friend who got run over

He was my flat mate.

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Got run over by a limo today

Took fucking ages

A guy got run over by the PopeMobile yesterday.

I guess he didn't see the sign that said "Cross traffic does not stop."

Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes?

Whoa, he should really get out of the road!

What do you feel when you accidentally run over and kill a group of geese crossing the road?

Goosebumps

Why did the chicken get himself run over by a car?

To get to the "other side".

I used to have a friend who wanted to be run over by a steam train...

When he finally was, he was chuffed to bits.

The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

The Realist sees the approaching freight train.

The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...

A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults

The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?"

The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!"

"How did it happen?" Asks the judge.

"Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the r...

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A chance to escape Hell

The other day Bubba and I were walking around town when, out of nowhere, we get run over by a truck and die, and we both go straight to hell.

In hell, I'm greeted by the devil, who tells me that I have two choices: I can either stay in hell being tortured for all of eternity, or I can have se...

General approaches the Bugler

The General went to the company Bugler.

I understand that you're something of a composer. One of my senior officers has been run over by a tank, and I'd like you to write a funeral dirge for him.

No sweat.

What key will you compose it in?

It would be fitting to use A flat...

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Why should you never run over a black kid on a bike?

Because it's probably your bike...

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