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Quality Time Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

My girlfriend said we need to spend more quality time together.

So I bought her a tea set and a koala and said wtf are we supposed to do now?

At the airport check-in counter

At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.

The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together.

"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this ...

The Shining

is my favourite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk looks at his watch...

A man, who has fattened the coffers of the local pub this night, looks at his watch and says, "Well, it's about time I go home, and spend some quality time with the wife."

He gets out of his chair, and can't even take two steps without falling on his face. "Don't worry!" he yells, "I can jus...

A woman tells her husband..

We should spend quality time this weekend.

The husband replies "great! See you next week!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family checks into a hotel for a vacation...

with their two teenage boys. This will be the first vacation where the boys will have their own hotel room, and their parents are looking forward to some quality time together.

The father checks them all in and gives the two boys their keys. The father knows all too well what teenage boys are...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you enjoy your ride?

A loving grandfather always made a special effort to spend time with his 5 year old granddaughter on the weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take her for a drive in his car for some quality time --ice cream, pancakes, the park, the zoo-- just him and her.

One Saturday, however, he had ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was a mother of three boys, who wanted to grow up to be pimps........

NSFW.

.....They were always getting into trouble at school, cursing and swearing, and generally terrible boys. So the mother decided to spend some quality time with them one morning, by making them breakfast.

She calls the boys downstairs for breakfast and they sit at the table. Moth...

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