How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle it’s balls. :)


Il let myself out....

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A man was at the grocery store

when he suddenly notices an attractive woman waving at him.



She smiles and says hello.

The man is puzzled and can't recall where he knows her from.

He says, "Do you know me?"

The woman replies, "You’re the father of one of my kids."

The man's mind is racing...

I must be really drunk because I swear I just heard a bar stool ask the pool table if it wanted a fight.

My money's on the pool table.

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Why are pool tables green?

You’d be green too if someone was poking your balls with a stick.

Yo momma is so dumb

That she tried to drown herself on a pool table

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[Long] A guy and his monkey walk into a bar

The monkey jumps on the counter and gobbles up a bowl of peanuts.

The bartender asked the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy replied, "Yeah, he does that all the time. He's always hungry. I'll pay for the peanuts", and hands the bartender a buck. The bartender clink...

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A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole...

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ...

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An alligator walks in to a bar

The bartender asks, what can I get you?
The alligator says, I would like a job.
After determining that the alligator had no experience, the bartender said he would give him a chance as a bouncer if he could keep the place safe.
That night, things were going alright until a fight broke out...

What is green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it’ll kill you?

A pool table

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The cowboy's wife

A cowboy walked into the local honky tonk late one Saturday evening with his pistol drawn. "Alright nobody move! This here 6 shooters loaded and I'm here to shoot the low down varmint that's been sleeping with my wife!"
The crowd froze and nobody dared to speak for a full minute. Finally some dru...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon...

A cowboy walks into a saloon, goes to the bar, and orders a whiskey. Then he takes his colt from the holster and shoots all the bottles of whiskey at the bar with one bullet. He turns to the bartender and says: "They call me Colt-Bill".

The second cowboy comes, goes to the pool table, takes ...

Why do elephants wear green shoes?

So they can sneak across pool tables.

Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?

Works, doesn't it?

A man walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic

Out of nowhere a monkey comes by and takes the lime, eats it, and downs the rest of the drink.

Shocked the man sits in stunned silence as he watches the monkey eat some cherries, lemons and oranges out of the garnish tray behind the bar.

The man stands up and yells to get the barten...

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Girl in a super market says to a guy, Hi there: Do I know you he says? I think you're the Father of one of my Kids: He said are you the stripper that I made love to on the pool table while all my buddies were watching? She replies.

No I'm your Sons Teacher.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar with a monkey. Proceeds to the bar, and asks the bartender if he can sit and have a few beers as his monkey joins him.

It’s slow, so the bartender says “sure.”

After a few drinks, the guy asks the bartender if he would keep an eye on his monkey while he uses the...

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The Monkey

This guy comes into a bar with a monkey. While the guy is having a drink at the bar, the monkey climbs onto a pool table, picks up the cue ball, and eats it. Seeing this, the bartender approaches the man and asks "What's up with the monkey? He ate my damn cue ball!!"

The man apologizes and sa...

NSFW maybe. A man walks into a bar...

When he enters he notices a dwarf playing the piano. He thinks it is a little strange but does think anything else of it. He goes to the bar and orders a drink. As he sips his drink he notices a lamp on a shelf above the bar

He asks the barman what it is. "It's a magic lamp" says the barman, ...

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My Sisters From Another Mister

Its Little Johnny's 18th bday. He gets home and sees his mom baking a cake for him and cooking dinner. She says, "Happy birthday son" and gives him a hug and a kiss.
Dad comes home and says,. "Son go put on your best clothes because tonight you're going to become a man.Yep I'm taking you out t...

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

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A man with his pet monkey walks into a bar

As he is ordering a drink the monkey sneaks away and, when no one is looking, it steals the cherry on top of a woman's drink and eats it. This annoys the woman and the man apologises for the actions of his pet monkey and leaves. He returns the next day and once again, when no one is looking the monk...

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Father of one of my children

A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled and said "Hello" to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be talking to him and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from.

So he says, "I'm sor...

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A man walks into a bar...

...with a little monkey on his shoulder. Man orders a beer and the little monkey is excitedly looking around at all the sights. Man sips on his beer and the monkey spies a bowl of peanuts at one end of the bar so he scampers over and proceeds to scarf down all the peanuts. Bartender sees all this, l...

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a guy walks into a bar

the guy sit at the bar, order a beer and starts looking around. at the opposite of the bar, a man is there with a little monkey on his shoulder.
the monkey is eating peanuts and every peanut he pick up he first put into his butthole then proceed to eat it.
the guy think this is really odd but ...

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A man, shopping in the produce aisle, is approached by a friendly woman.

“Good morning, I believe you’re the father of one of my kids” the woman says to him in a brief and polite manner.

The man is instantly overwhelmed by angst and uncertainty once he registers this statement.

“Are you... by any chance the stripper I made love to on the pool table at my ba...

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15 Best Two-Line Jokes

1. Parallel lines have so much in common
It's a shame they'll never meet

2. My wife accused me of being immature
I told her to get out of my fort

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor

4. How many Germans do...

You Might Be An Extreme Redneck If...

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is out of your league b...

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A man and his pet monkey walk into a bar...

...They sit down at the bar and the man orders a beer. The monkey promptly starts running around the bar, eating everything in sight. He eats some napkins, peanuts off of the bar, all the marichino cherries, everything he can pick up. Then the monkey hops over to the pool table, jumps on top of it, ...

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A man walks into a bar with his pet gorilla.

The man walks in with his leashed pet gorilla and sits at the counter. The man asked the barkeeper whether it is okay to unleash the gorilla, in which the barkeeper agreed as the gorilla seemed to be very calm. The man then unleashed the gorilla and the gorilla walks off around the bar.

Firs...

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Why you shouldn't be unfaithful.

A guy notices a hot chick giving him the eye in the supermarket. 'Do i know you?' he asks. She says 'Aren't you the dad of one of my kids?' He thinks back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful & says 'Were you the hooker I banged over the pool table at my buddy's party while your friend spa...

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A guy walks into a bar wiht a monkey on his shoulder.

The guy sits down gets his drink and then the monkey jumps off his shoulder onto the bar. The monkey runs down the bar eating all the lemons, limes and cherries.

Bartender: What the hell man?!

Guy: I'm sorry, I just got him and I'm still training him. I'll pay for it.



Th...

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A young man was standing in line in the supermarket..

... When he notices a hot brunette waving at him and smiling. He was surprised to see such a gorgeous woman notice him and he felt he knew her from somewhere, no idea where, so he asked her:

"Excuse me, do we know each other from somewhere?

She replied:"I may be mistaken, but i think y...

A guy walks into a backwoods Arkansas bar and orders a glass of white wine.

One of the bubbas at the pool table walks over looking for trouble. He asks, "Where you from, mister?" The guy replies that he's from San Francisco. The rednecks in the bar all laugh, and the bubba says, "So what do you do there in San Francisco?" The guy answers, "Well I'm a taxidermist." The bubb...

A man walks into a bar

In the corner, sits a man with a big, orange head. The first man walks up to the bartender and says "what's that guy's story?"

The bartender shrugs and replies "If you buy him a drink I'm sure he'll tell you..."

So the man buys a beer, brings it to the man with the big orange head, an...

A blind cowboy walks into a bar...

...and after ordering his drink, asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a blonde joke. The bartender replies, "Well, I don't mind sir, but I must warn you that there are three rather dangerous blondes in this bar tonight.

The first one by the pool table just got released from prison for murd...

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

As soon as he steps in, the monkey jumps off his shoulder and begins exploring the bar.

The monkey grabs a handful of beer nuts and scarfs them down. Then he grabs a fish from the large fish tank and eats it. Lastly, he grabs the cue ball from the pool table and swallows it whole.

Me...

A Blind Man walks into an all women's bar

He sits down and orders a shot. After the shot he asks, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"
The lady next to him leans over. She says, "Hey buddy, so I'm gonna tell you this because it seems like you don't know any better. I'm a blonde coal miner, that woman over at the bar is a blonde pro...

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A man goes shopping...

...to the supermarket. At the cashier, there is a pretty long queue. In the queue next to him, a hot blonde smiles at him. The dude says:

"Hmm, do we know each other?"

"I'm not sure, but I think you might just be the father of one of my kids!"

The guy thinks about the only time ...

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A Guy Walks Into a Bar With a Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The man sits down at the bar, orders a drink, and immediately the monkey is running all around the bar, causing havoc. Before long, the monkey jumps over to the bar, grabs a bowl of pretzels, and gobbles them down without hesitation. Next, the monkey devours an ...

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A man holding a monkey walks into a bar .

He sits on a stool and asks for a drink, the bartender is a bit surprised to see someone with a monkey, but leaves him be.

Mid drink the monkey jumps to a table nearby and starts eating stuff, first some peanuts, then a sip of beer, the bartender starts to say something, but the man instantly...

A Blind Man Walked Into A Bar

He sat down, and asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The bartender said:
"Okay, tell the joke, but before you do, know that two blonde women are sitting beside you. Behind you, at the pool table, are three blonde men. I happen to be a blonde man as well. Now, do you still want...

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey.

The bartender says "get that monkey out of here, no animals allowed in the bar!" The man says, "he is very well trained, let him stay". The bartender nods and says, "what'll it be?". The man orders a beer, amd then a few more. After he's good and drink he slides a beer to his monkey. The monkey down...

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A man went shopping

A man went shopping for some supplies in one of those overpriced stores. He got what he came for, and went to stand in line to check out. A young, attractive woman was waving to him, and he wondered why she would notice an old geezer like himself. He made his way over to her, and asked, "why did you...

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Sticking up for his girl

A man is going out to a bar to have a nice relaxing night out with his lovely girlfriend. They sit down at the bar and each grab a beer.

After some time the mans girlfriend needs to excuse herself to go to the restroom. After a few minutes she comes back in an absolute rage. She turns to her...

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