Number 5 Jokes - 19 Hilarious Number 5 Jokes

number 5

I was walking down the street a few days ago I happened upon my good friend Tim. I waved him over and told him I had the craziest dream the other night.

Tim listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge, bright, number -5-. It was made of gold and shined li...

Customer: "Can I have a number 5 with coke?

Me: "I'm so sorry, maam, but we don't sell cocaine."

Manager: *pulls me aside* "Why the heck would you say that!?"

Me: *goes back to the customer* "My bad, we do sell cocaine".

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.

A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist

Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se--"

Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"

Frenchman: "It Cinq"

On May 5th I woke up at exactly 5:05 AM.

At 5:55 I left my apartment (apartment 505 on 55 5th St), hopped on the number 5 bus, and paid a $5 fare to go to work.

5 minutes later, I arrived at 555 5th street and rushed to my office in room 505.

After I'd been working for 5 hours, I realized that I'd experienced a lot of 5's tha...

How many buzzfeed employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

10, but number 5 will shock you!

The cabinet maker

A woman in Tel-Aviv finally saves enough money to buy a new hand-made cabinet, and has it installed in her home, which faces the street whereby bus number 5 passes.

As she is admiring her new purchase, she notices that bus number 5 passes her house, and as it does, the cabinet doors open up...

Gas station robbery

First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Broke guy walks into a brothel...

Man: "All I have is $20 bucks, what can I get for that?"

Madame: "Fine. Go to door number 5 over there."

He goes to door number 5, and all he sees in there is a chicken. Being horny, and with no one around and having nothing to lose he quickly drops his pants and starts havin...

The complex mathematics of the bus driver

Imagine yourself being a bus driver.

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

What does someone who ate 4 mangoes say?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is mango number 5!

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A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant

A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant, they sit down, and the waitress takes their order, the man says "I'll have a number 5 with a large coffee", and the chicken says "I will have that as well". When they finished their meal, the man walks up to the counter to pay, and he reaches into hi...

I was changing the 15 fuses at the Buzzfeed HQ building

Number 5 shocked me.

Monty Smith

Monty has five letters in his first name...
He has 5 letters in his second name...

He has lived his entire life at 555 West 55th Street
In NYC

And worked his entire career at Saks 5 Avenue

He met his wife in Fifth Grade..

He has 5 kids and owns 5 cars...

Nee...

Meteorologists have recently reconfigured the 5 categories of hurricane.

Number 5 will blow you away.

Five boys lined up for a race

The starter said “1,2,3 GO!!”

Three of the boys raced away but two boys stayed put

The starter asked “Why didn’t you guys run?”

One of the boys replied “You said 1,2,3 go, didn’t say nothing about me and number 5”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ten Thoughts

Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a...

So there is this guy named Juan...

So there is this guy named Juan and Juan is a great guy. He doesn't drink he doesn't smoke, he doesn't beat his wife and kids. He doesn't kick his armadillo a cross the back yard.

One day, person number one comes up to him and says "Juan, you're a great guy. You don't drink. You don't smoke....

The Dunne Family

Some years ago, in the hills above Killarney, there lived Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of 6 boys.

It was a happy but isolated existence, so it came as a bit of a shock when eldest son Niel announced that he was off to seek his fortune amongst the bright lights of London. His...

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