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Number 3 Jokes

Why couldn't the number 3 get out of bed

he could not even

What does the number 3 have in common with a Tumbler user?

They both can't even.

Why didn’t the number 3 cross the road?

He saw a sign that said no trespassing.

I pulled into my driveway, and someone had painted a large number 3 on my garage door.

I thought, “That’s odd.”

Why wasn’t the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test?

Because there’s No Trespassing!!






I’ll show myself out

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
Ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street ....'
Operator: 'How do yo...

I went to a new family doctor today

I went to a new family doctor today. The waiting room was spacious, new renovation, nice and beautiful nurses. And it got a sign:

"We respect our patients' privacy, we will not call you by name".

Quite good eh, I thought.

Completed the registration, I sat down in the wai...

It was only three times... promise.

Sam was very ill and it looked like the end might be approaching so he calls his wife Becky near. Sam says to her, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"

Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Becky,...

What group of creatures go by the base-8 code number 3.110375524210264302151423063050560067016321122011160210514763071...?

Octopi.

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3 men go to hell and Satan appears before them...

Satan says,"You boys have caught me in a good mood! I'm going to give you whatever you ask for. What would you like sir?"

Man number one steps up and says to Satan, "All I want is women."

Satan claps his hands, and a door appears which opens to reveal the most beautiful women the 7 C...

Genie joke

A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it, only to have a genie appear.

The genie says: "I will grant you three wishes, but there are also 3 rules. Rule number 1: no wishing for death. Rule number 2: no wishing for love. Rule number 3: no wishing to revive the dead".

The man thinks for a se...

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Jim was feeling self-conscious so he wanted his wife to reassure him by proving she can pick his dick out of a line-up

He sets up a wall with 4 glory-holes. He and 3 of his friends each stick their dicks through one of the 4 holes. The wife takes a look at the 4 penises and says "Jim, your penis is number 3". She picked correctly. Jim pulls his dick out of the hole, runs to the other side of the wall and embrace...

Three men were at the gates of heaven, but there was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.



Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands unti...

A man and his wife are bored watching TV when the wife gets an idea.

"I have a crazy idea." She says.

The husband bored out of his mind looks over to her and raises an eyebrow. "What that?"

The wife glances at the tv and bites her lip before turning back to him. "Well what if we both came up with a list of 3 people outside that, if we ever got the chan...

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After a rather careless plane crash where everyone was killed, the two pilots responsible were escorted to Satan to choose their eternal damnation.

Satan told the pilots they could choose either door number 1 or door number 2 for their sin of killing innocent people.

"Take your time," he said, "you've got forever to suffer it."

So the pilots look behind door number 1 and it's a freezing cold, blizzard of a hell. They look at each ...

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Doing your homework prevents embarrassment.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, indignant, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will...

The complex mathematics of the bus driver

Imagine yourself being a bus driver.

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

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Older gentleman walks into the brothel...

... He walks towards the brothel mama, as she greets him he says:

"I would like something special"

She looks at him with judging eye:

"Well we have something nobody else has, but it's quite pricey, are you sure you want it?"

He smiles:

"Don't worry, money are not p...

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3 Guys Compete to See Whose Shit is the Worst-Smelling Shit.

It was agreed that to determine the smelliest crap, they would base it on the number of flies that landed on their respective feces.

The first guy proceeds to take a shit. After a short while, a sizable number of flies swooped in.

The second dude does his worst and unloads a big one. A...

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Three guys participate in an annual contest of monkey breeding..

The rules are simple, each participant have an intercourse with a monkey, who can make the monkey give birth to most baby monkeys, wins.

Number three is the last 3 years champion and a natural favorite. Everybody bets their money on him.

First guy gets in an spends 4 hours with the mon...

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a man dies and goes to hell

when he arrives a demon tells him how hell works. "there are three doors, each door has a different event behind them. you get to pick one to experience for eternity." says the demon. he opens door number one and theres a man burning for all of eternity "nope" says the man. he opens door number 2 an...

A woman was nervous about messing up during her wedding ceremony

She spoke with the preacher who offered her assurance.
"Just remember 3 things and you will be fine" he said.
"Number 1, walk down the aisle. Number 2, stand in front of the alter. Number 3, step forward to me after the hymn."
The preacher then assured her that he would guide her through ...

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Pole finds a lamp on the beach at Gdańsk

A Polish man walking along the beach at Gdańsk finds a lamp. He tries to polish the crud off it and as he does so >POOF< a genie appears and says to the Pole "for freeing me from the prison of the lamp you have 3 wishes"

The Pole thinks on his good fortune for a few minutes and ...

Young man goes to the barber

Barber: what's it gonna be

Young man: I'll have the bottom bit completely shaved. Then above it a few little circles. Above that a want a spiky bit. Next to that I want it number 2 on the right side and number 3.5 on the left side. The top I want it a bit messy, with some bits longer that oth...

I have devised a list of all the things I hate about clickbait

Number 3 will shock you

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Phil dies and is met by the Devil in front of three doors.

The Devil takes him to one side. 'Look, Phil,' he says, 'we're trying something out to cut down on admin down here. We used to assign punishments to the damned that fit their sins, but now we're letting people choose themselves.'

He gestures to the three doors. 'What I can do for you is this:...

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There once were two friends

Two male friends take the Porsche of one of the friends for a spin.

They drive for half an hour and then they pulled over to refuel. The man who works at the gas station says that there is a little quiz he does. He says: "guess the number and you get some free sex." One of the two friends s...

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So a guy goes to hell

Meets Satan at the door Satan reminds him he’s been an evil person. “Because you’ve been so bad you’ve got to live for eternity behind one of these 3 doors.” He’s like alright “show me door #1!” The door opens and all these people are standing on their heads extremely uncomfortable and blood rushi...

3 pregnant women in a lobby

Three pregnant women in a lobby are knitting. The first one stops and takes a pill. "It's iron" she says "I want my baby to have strong muscles"
They continue knitting except for woman number 3 who is looking confusedly at her knitting.
The second woman stops to take a pill. "It's calcium. I ...

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A man was wandering, alone in a forest in rural China

He was getting weary from the long hours of constant walking, and was feeling very thirsty. He stopped to have a look around, and spotted a little shack in the forest. As he approached, an old man with a great long beard came out towards him, and bowed. "I see you are tired from walking, and you loo...

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