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Nice Weather Jokes

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach.

There is nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. Suddenly, Satan comes up to him.
"Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me", he says. ...

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We've been having really nice weather lately.

Today my neighbor with the big tits was mowing the lawn topless. I just wish his wife would do the same.

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am und...

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A homeless man is walking through a park...

He sits next to a man on a bench. A hot woman walks by.


Man: "Can I tickle your ass with a feather?"

Woman: "Excuse me?!!!?"

Man: "I said it's particularly nice weather."

Woman: "Oh, um, yes it is."


She keeps walking. Bum is thinking 'what the fuck?'...

Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.

Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. “Hello,” Bush said. “Nice weather we’re having, huh?” Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.

The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to i...

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Pickup lines

An old man drinking at the bar and sees a young man walk up to a girl and say "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

Clearly surprised and upset the woman replies, "What!!?"

The young man "repeats" himself and says "Particularly nice weather?"

Embarrassed by her confusion the girl ...

A joke my friend told me (long)

Two Texans are hanging out in hell. One day, the devil walks up and says, "why are you two not burning?" The Texans reply, "We're from Texas, this feels great." So the devil goes and turns the heat wayyy up. There's no describing this heat. He returns to the Texans to find them still just hanging ou...

An American bloke goes on holiday to England.

On his return, he's telling his pal all about it.

"I was coming out of a shop one day and it was raining hard outside, so I took shelter in a doorway.

Another feller was sheltering too, and he turned to me and he said, "Nice weather". Well, of course it wasn't nice weather at all. In...

I ran into Gwen Stefani on the street the other day

She said to me, “nice weather we’re having.”

I replied, “No Doubt.”

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There's a bum outside a bar...

...watching people come and go just passing time when a very handsome well dressed man walks towards the entrance.
However, he stops outside leans against the wall as if he is waiting for someone.
After a few minutes a beautiful woman walks out the man says, "tickle your ass with a feather?"...

A man is on trial for murder.

The judge asks him to give his version of the story, and how he pleads.

The defendant replies: "Innocent, your honor. I am not sure what exactly happened myself, I was sitting on a park bench, enjoying the nice weather, peeling an apple with my pocket knife, when suddenly this guy trips on th...

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Men who talk about how big their penis is, usualy have small dicks.

Nice weather we are having today.

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A little tickle...

One day a drunk was sitting next to a corner. A guy standing on the corner said to an attractive woman "Tickle your ass with a feather?". The woman, offended, said "What did you say!?". The man says "Particularly nice weather", and the woman went along her way.

As the drunk watched, the man d...

OP meets a talking crow

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?...

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You think it's gonna rain?

A very drunk man hops onto a bus one evening and sits behind the driver. At the next stop, a very pretty woman gets on. In a rather fast manner, the driver says "Tickle your ass with a feather babe?"
She says, "What did you just say?!?!"
"Awfully nice weather we're having to day."
"Oh... y...

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