Native Speaker Jokes - 19 Hilarious Native Speaker Jokes

How do you know someone with excellent English isn't a native speaker?

They apologize for their bad English.

(Inspired by seeing an example on this sub.)

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I'm not native speaker, how would you rate this ?

A student is taking the chemistry class. The subject is acids and bases. An another student can't figure out whether NH3 is an acid or a base. The student tells him "Oh, it's so basic! How can't you know that ?"

Or should I say, is it a proper joke ?

As a non-native speaker, I have to say, sorry about the bad English

That I'm about to get in replies from the native born speakers.

Last weekend I went to see my gf's soccer match and she did this awesome save...

...She's definitely a keeper!

Presidents

Two guys, one American, one Russian, are discussing their presidents:

– We despise our president, you know, when Trump is out in the crowd, everyone throws eggs, fruits - saw somebody throwing a pineapple at him; he get spit a lot and we swear at him aloud ...

– Here, In Russia, when P...

Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it

can someone explain me like im two years old this joke?

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Mailman

The mailman knocks on the door. Then this very hot blond opens the door. She pulls him inside. Together they have a fun time in bed. After the sex the blond give him a dollar. The mailman asked: why do you give me a dollar. The blond replies: I asked my husband if i should give The mailman anything....

A cloud, a lake and a mountain are having an argument...

>A cloud, a lake and a mountain are having a big argument, they are all yelling claiming each one is the greatest form of nature alive.

>To settle this, they come up with a little challenge: Who can kill the most humans with a single action.

>The cloud goes first.

>W...

George goes to see a hooker. It’s his 50th birthday and although still single, he needs to celerate. [nsfw]

So off he goes to the ladies of pleasure and sees a rather big woman he wants to “go to town with”. In he goes, starts to go down when suddenly he feels something stuck between his teeth. He uncomfortably pauzes and tries to take out what appeared to be a piece of carrot. A bit weirded out because h...

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Two mathematicians and two physicists take a train to a science symposium

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

Depends what you smoke.
(Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

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The single girl

A short joke, but one of my favorites.

A girl in her mid twenties goes to the supermarket. When she is done with her shopping, she begins walking towards the checkout (as you do).
At the checkout sits a guy, around her age. Short brown hair, brown eyes, a cute smile. Well, kind of an att...

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Superman

Superman is just flying arround through Metropolis using his x-ray vision when he spots wonder woman in her house completely naked laying in her bed with her legs spread wide open. He turns arround, and sees her again but this time on all four.
He's so horny that he thinks to himself I'll use my ...

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a joke that i have been told by one of my friends(long)

im not a native speaker, but i will do my best

A woman has three daughters, 13, 14 and 15 years old

One day while she was cooking they come to the kitchen and say "mom can you give us a bit of money, we were studying all day" the mom says yes, and gives each one of them 20 dollars.
...

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Argentinian joke

There's a competition about bravery in the military force.

* First goes the french. The general tells his soldier: "Soldier, i want you to go into open sea, fight a shark, kill it, and bring it." So does the soldier, and returns after 15 minutes with the dead shark. The general says: that's ...

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Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm

Grandfather, Grandmother and grandson are in the farm. Granddad is cutting the wood with an axe and Grandson is helping Grandma to sort the harvested corn. Suddenly a strong breeze blows up the grandma’s skirt. Unfortunately, she was not wearing underwear and kid saw everything. After couple seconds...

Mother in law

A lady had 3 son in laws and she wanted to know who is the sincerest of them so she thought of trying them out one by one.

One day she asked the eldest one to come and help her in some errands. On the way back home she deliberately jumped into a water well and starts to drown. The eldest with...

Rapid guy in a bar

Guy walks into a bar, clearly in a hurry.
Sits in front of bartender and shouts to him:

*- Give me a shot! Faster, faster, before it starts!*

Bartender in a little shock fills a shot for him and he drinks it right away.

*- Give me another one! Faster, faster, befo...

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simply genius

Joe is late for work again and cant find a regular parking space, so he parks on a parking space for disabled persons. His boss, however, is not the forgiving kind and fires him right off the bat for being late. Devastated, Joe walks to the parking lot just to see a meter maid writing him a ticket. ...

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