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Morning After Jokes

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

I shouldn’t have bought this piece of shit from IKEA.

the morning after

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
Bartender says "sorry, we don’t serve breakfast"

A grandfather and his young grandson were out walking one morning after a light rain...

They notice an earthworm on the ground having just crawled out of its burrow.

“Tell you what- if you can figure out a way to get that worm back in its hole, I’ll give you $10.”

The kid thinks for a second and tells his grandpa he’ll be right back.

He returns a few minutes lat...

There's now a morning after pill for guys.

It changes your blood type.

What do you call Batman the morning after a big fight?

Bruised Wayne

What did the tiny Cambrian reptile say the morning after his first workout?

He said he was just a little 'saur.

You know that you're getting old when it feels like 'the morning after'.....

.....but, there was no 'night before."

Every morning after waking up, I find that someone has left a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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The Monday morning after. . .

The Monday morning after a big party weekend, a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "W...

A sailor comes back one morning after a long time at sea

His best buddy died on the ship, so he goes announcing the news, first thing, to his widow. One thing led to another and they are starting to undress, but she suddenly stares at him and stops, asking:

-Why are you only half mast?

-It’s mourning wood

My wife is a hooker?

My wife woke me this morning after being out all night I asked her where she was and she told me that because we were going through some money problems she decided that she was going to go on the game and after a lot of arguing I asked how much money she made and she said 4 thousand 6 hundred 40 eur...

God Of Thunder

Awakening the morning after an orgy, the god of thunder was stretching sleepily when he noticed a beautiful Valkyrie standing in the doorway. “Good morning,” he said. “I’m Thor”. She replied “ You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can hardly pith.”

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What if instead of a "morning after pill"....

They made a "right before pill" that you take before sex... And what if they tasted like mints so you had fresh breath for kissing too...
We could call them Pre-dick-a-mints.

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A teenager comes home in the morning after a night out...

He walks in on his father sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

"Where have you been all night", asks the dad.

The teen is apologetic and says "Oh, sorry about staying out all night, I was losing my virginity."

The dad's eyes light up and he's feeling proud of his son,...

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A condom broke last month. I freaked out and went to the pharmacy, and they told me to use the morning after pill.

That shit doesn't work. I took two and she's still pregnant.

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One day a twelve year old walks into a house of ill-repute dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred dollar bill on the counter and says

"I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says "Don't you think
you're a bit young for that?" He slaps another
hundred on the counter and says "I want one of
your women."

The madam says "Okay, have a seat, she'll be down
in about thirty minutes." He slaps anoth...

A Priest with a golf addiction...

awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...

Mea...

A man is listening to his daughter pray one night.

The daughter says, “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, and goodbye grandpa!” The dad asks her, “Why did you say goodbye grandpa?” She replies, “I don’t know, it just felt right.” The next morning the grandpa sadly dies. The man rubs it off as a coincidence and listens to her pray a...

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A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

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A son ask his dad "Dad, how can I take the next step with my girl? We kissed and all, but I don't know how to proceed... "

His dad answers "Listen to me son, do what I did with your mother. I treated her to a romantic dinner, took her home and brought her to her room. We're there, I look at her, and she looks at me. I look at her she looks at me, I look at her she looks at me, I move her panties away and put it in! " ...

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