Mildred was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl

She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital ...

Mildred, the local gossip and self appointed keeper of the church’s morals, kept poking her nose into other people’s business.

Several members of the church did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but kept to themselves in fear of reprisal.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member, George, of being an alcoholic after seeing his old pickup parked outside the town’s only pub one afternoo...

"Mildred, are you putting on weight?"

Lady of the House, "Mildred, are you putting on weight?"
Maid, "Well, to tell you the truth Madam, I am pregnant." Lady, "OH DEAR! How ever did you get your self in such condition?"
Maid, "Well Madam it started when I ordered a vibrator through the mail."
Lady, "Goodness! Yo...

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A Farmer

A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in th...

Mildred and Bert moved to Texas.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?' Mildred looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the ba...

Shamus Murphy was enjoying a pint at the bar, when he saw someone who looked very familiar

Aye! You look familiar, what is your name?

Me name is Angus Murphy.

You don't say? M'name is Shamus Murphy!

You don' say? Did you grow up in the town of Derry?

I did! Did you go to Saint Anthony's?

I did! Did you have an Aunt named Mildred?

I did! Did your f...

Two elderly women were out driving

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have...

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Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversat...

Senior Computer Security?

Senior Computer Security?

My memory is going Mildred, so I changed my password to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect”.

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50th anniversary

For their 50th wedding anniversary, an elderly couple in their 80s decided to relive their honeymoon. They got the same room in the same little cottage in the small town the got married in those many years ago.

While her husband excused himself to go to the bathroom, the wife thought she'd s...

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The town busy-body is curious about the local minister and his beautiful young housekeeper...

The talk is that they're having a secret affair, but nobody can prove it.

So Mildred goes to dinner one night to investigate. The house is immaculately clean, and everything seems above board. There is absolutely nothing suspicious going on. The two of them even have separate bedrooms on opp...

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So Jerry was the most popular guy in the old-fogey's home,...

...and all the old ladies wanted to romance him. Problem was, Jerry had no interest in women anymore. One day Betty asked him to go to the movies with him on Friday night. "Nah, no thanks, not interested" he replied. After further pleading he still declined so she offered "I'll hold your cock during...

A couple visits the mountains on their honeymoon...

They were walking by and saw a sign for a helicopter tour. The man turns to his wife and says, "What do you think, honey? Want to give it a try? It's only fifteen dollars" "I don't think so, dear." She replies. "We just got married and don't have a whole lot of money and fifteen dollars is fifteen d...

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