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Midlife Jokes

Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

During my midlife crisis, I traded in my Kia for a new convertible.

I literally sold my soul for this sports car

What did the existential bread say when it was having a midlife crisis?

I knead some answers

What do you call a midlife crisis convention?

A Corvette lot.

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis.

He decides to leave the medical profession and become an auto mechanic. He goes to auto mechanic school, and pretty soon it's time for the final exam.
He finishes the exam and is amazed that the instructor has given him a grade of 200. He says to the instructor, "I thought the highest you could s...

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis and takes night classes to become a mechanic...

She's really nervous the night of the final, so she studies real hard and hopes for the best.

When the grades are posted, she freaks out because her grade says 150% and she assumes it was an error, so she goes to see the instructor.

He explains it's no error.

"You took apart th...

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Midlife crisis

A man turned 40 and had the classic midlife crisis. He went out and bought a red convertible sports car. While driving his new car on the highway he decided to speed up and have some fun. Sure enough he heard the siren and saw the flashing lights behind him. In a panic he pushed the gas to the f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My midlife crisis started today...

I met the greatest girl at work, and she was into me, too. When we got off of work I took her to the park, we got carryout and went back to my place, and we were having a blast watching Netflix together.

When it finally came time for her to go she just lay there on my bed, obviously wanting...

midlife crisis questionaire

After years of research, the university of Oxford has finally developed a questionnaire to help men understand if they are suffering from a midlife crisis.

Life sucks?
Job sucks?
Wife doesn't?

Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?

Midlife Crisis.

A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.

I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"

She said "6"

I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"

She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."

"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you...

What do you call it when you have midlife crisis and excessively drink red wine?

UB40

Im 45 years old and I just bought my very first sports car. My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.

But what would she know? She’s only 18.

Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed?

He was going through his midlife crisis.

a kindly but unsophisticated trash friend of mine appreciated a midlife introduction to marx, commenting "religion the opiate of the masses?...

'pretty sure opioids are a solid lock on the opiate of them masses."

My sister was in tears when she found out about her husbands affair

I told her: “you might be going through your midlife cry, sis”

I saw an anti-vaxxers 4 year old son throwing a tantrum at the grocery store yesterday.

You can say he was having a midlife crisis

Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible?

He was having a midlife crisis.

When my dad turned 40 he left me and my mom and went to Syria to become a terrorist.

I guess he's just going through his midlife ISIS.

What’s it called when a 3 year old antivaxx kid starts having a fit?

A midlife crisis

What do you call an anti-vaxer's child's terrible twos?

A midlife crisis

My Anti-Vax neighbor's one year old son is so annoying.

He cries all the time, seems like he is going through a midlife crisis.

Why did the queen felt depressed lately?

Because she is in a midlife-crisis

What do you call a temper tantrum of the child of an anti-vaxxer?

A midlife crisis.

Parents: our baby won’t stop crying!

Doctor: how old is he?

Parents:one

Doctor:is he vaccinated?

Parents:no, why?

Doctor:I’m afraid he’s having a midlife crisis...

An antivaxxer mom comes home one day...

...to see (or not see, rather) her son, which would usually be playing video games in the living room.

After a couple of minutes of searching far and wide, she had never thought to check his room.

When she opened the door, she saw him silently crying with his face buried in his pillow....

Being 30 is the worst thing.

10 years too young for Midlife Crisis and 20 years too old for Michael Jackson.

Antivax parent: Why is my son crying all the time?

Doctor: Well, I guess it's midlife crisis..

You never know when half of your life will pass

So I aim to have a midlife crisis everyday

I thought of an idea for a new reality TV show...

It's about a group of Middle Easter Islamic terrorists that are entering their 40s. They stop buying an excessive amount of guns and explosives and instead start purchasing luxery cars and motorcycles. I call the show Midlife ISIS.

I went to the doctor

I went to my doctor and told him I want to take over the west and kill all the infidels.

He told me I was just having a midlife isis

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