Macy Jokes

He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

The store manager was giving final instruction to the new sales clerk before sending him out onto the floor for the first time.

Said the manager to the clerk, “The most important thing to remember is that we NEVER tell a customer that we don’t have it. Times are tough, and we can’t afford to ... read more

He picks up his seeing eye dog and starts twirling it around on the leash.

An employee walks up to him and says, “What on earth are you doing?”

He says “Don’t worry, just looking around.”

He heard boys' pants were half off.

Salesman was very helpful. He carefully measured my inseam several times

I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted

I almost just left but bought the toaster anyway

Little boys pants, half off

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a p... read more

They're calling it 'Elon Musk'.

At the counter, the saleswoman asks, "what's your wife's bra size?"
Freddie replies, "6 7/8"
Saleswoman says, "6 7/8? What kind of bra size is that?"
Freddie: I don't know, I measured them with my hat."

Boy, eyelashed out.

It was one ring to rule the mall.

A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady,
"I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B."

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"

He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a J... read more

because the photographer kept telling me, "I'm just a cashier" and that I "need to leave Macy's."

He slowly but firmly grabs my throat. I try to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble...'


- 50 Shades of Macy Gray.