Mario and Luigi

Peach is walking past Mario and Luigi and hears:

"First Emma comes, then I come, then two asses come, then I come a-one more time, the two asses come again, I come a the third time, pee twice, then I come for the last time"

She walks up and slaps him.

"Mario! That's disgusting!"...

What kind of pants to Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim denim denim

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice everyday.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price
of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community
holds a dance ...

Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?

Because he's a fungi.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A young Italian couple get married,

(actually, Italian-American, second generation) named Maria and Luigi. They can only afford to spend their honeymoon night at Maria's Mama's house. Maria is a nervous virgin, but finally Mama 'shoos' her upstairs to be with her husband.
Luigi is sitting on the bed admiring Maria, undressing her ...

Since Luigi died in the Smash direct, what do we have to use to contact him?

A Louija board

Giuseppe and Luigi were life-long friends from the old country.

They both moved to America, had good careers, retired, and now met in the park every day. One day, Luigi got to the park and Giuseppe wasn't there. Giuseppe was always there first. For 15 years, Luigi never got to the park first. He was so worried about his friend.

Suddenly, a limousine pulls...

What are Mario and Luigi's pants made of?

DenimDenimDenim

So Mario is talking to Luigi.

"So I breka up with tha princess last night. But I told her, it's a not you, it's a me! Mario!"

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!


I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

If I had to choose to hang out with either Mario, Luigi or Toad. I'd pick Toad.

He seems like a fungi.

What's Mario's and Luigi's favorite type of pants?...

Denim denim denim....

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Mario and Luigi were on the bus while visiting America

So Mario says to Luigi, "Emma comes first, then I come, two asses come together, I come again, two more asses, I pee two times, finally I come again." A woman overheard this and disgusted, she shouts, "Don't tell each other about your sexual experiences on the bus, you pervert!" Luigi says, "Relax, ...

Mario & Luigi

Mario :- Ey Luigi , whats this funny ol' image called.
Luigi:- It a Meme , Mario

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An old Italian man goes to the doctor's office...

He says - "Doctor, I want you to take a look at my penis."

The Doctor says - "Sure, Luigi. Go in the other room and remove your pants. I will be in there shortly."

The doctor comes in the room and gets down on one knee and inspects the old man's package.

After a thorough inspect...

Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs?

In case he gets a hole-in-one

Luigi the Fisherman

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one little old Italian man. The game warden asked Luigi how he did it.
Luigi said, "Comma down tomorrow...we go fish"

Once they got to the middle of the lake Luigi took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An Italian Farmer was working the fields with his three sons and notices that two of them were out of breath because they were over weight.

He called over to his three sons and spoke to each of them.

Papa: "Luigi, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Luigi: "Papa, I love eating my wife's lasagna. It's so good!!!"
Papa: "Son, you need to take smaller bites."

Papa: "Mario, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Mario: "Papa, I lo...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

After returning from his honeymoon...

...with his bride Virgina, Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop inJersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep down to Florida?"

Luigi, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An old Italian joke..

A woman raised in a Monastery gets married. Let's call her Maria and her husband Mario.The wedding finishes and Mario and Maria are now in the bedroom.
Mario takes off his clothes and Maria being a girl raised in a monastery only with women is surprised when she sees Mario's penis. She asks him:...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call two Italians with a Japanese Father?

Mario and Luigi.

How did Mario contact his dead brother?

A Luigi board.



^(I'm so sorry.)

Me and this girl would smash all the time, but eventually we broke up. Why?

She never let me pick luigi

The Italians are fighting Americans in the trenches

An American gets the idea to yell the name Luigi, and being a common Italian name when someone hears their name and looks up, they shoot him.

"Hey, Luigi!"

An Italian looks up and says

"Yeah?"

BANG

After the Americans do this a few times, the Italians try it for th...

My house is haunted by Nintendo characters.

I knew I shouldn't have fooled around with that Luigi board.

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".

A German soldier call...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An old Italian man and his three sons...

NSFW (Best if delivered in an eccentric Italian accent with all the gestures)

So this old Italian man has 3 sons, 2 of them quite fat and 1 skinny.

He asks his first son "a-Mario! Why you-a so fat?" Mario says "oh but-a papa, I like-a the linguini!" His papa say "but-a Mario! You take...

A man walks into a bar, at night

He walks in and is seated next to the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. All he can think about is how he has to marry her. He strikes a conversation with her and they hit it off. They leave the bar and as they're walking out she gives him her number, her name was Lela.

They had...

How does Mario speak to the dead?

With a Luigi board

Credit to u/gagga_hai

How does Mario talk to the dead?

With a luigi board.

Made this joke up about 10 years ago while trying to think of terrible laffy taffy jokes.

Have you guys heard about the old italian plumber who can talk to ghosts?

He uses a Luigi board.

The Italian Beach (NSFW)

Mario and Luigi, two Italians recently out of jail, see each other at a bar. "Luigi! You friggin guy! how are ya, i heard you just got outa jail," Mario drunkenly exclaimed. "Yeahs, i was ina the jail for robbery, how about you Mario?" slurred Luigi. "well," began mario, shaking his head sadly "i ...

Golf and vino

70 year old Luigi goes to his doctor for an annual check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape Luigi is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

β€˜I'm Italian and a golfer’ says Luigi, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out go...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.