Do you know why the cookie went to the doctor? BECAUSE HE FELT CRUMMY! AH-HAHAHA! Do you know why the cookie went back to the doctor?

Cancer. Stage 4 cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me sowing: Hahaha... fuck yeah!!! Yes!!

**Me reaping:** Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

What goes “hahaha”-‘bonk’?

A man laughing his head off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ole and Lena are drinking to beat the winter blues along with their neighbor, Sven.

All three of them are having a grand old time, when Ole noticed that they were quickly running out of booze. Ever the thoughtful gentleman, Ole bundles up and trudges to the liquor store.

Upon his return, Ole opens his front door only to see Sven and Lena bare naked and fucking on the couch....

So, what do you do? - I'm a supervillain

What's your name? - Autocorrector.

— HAHAHA! Are you Sirius?
What's your super powder? Wait a minion... what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

A burglar breaks into a joint

While going through the owner's belongings a shrill voices goes:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"

Slightly irritated, the burglar switches on the light and sees a parrot in the corner, repeating its line:

"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[after Pumba suffers a fatal heart attack]

**Timon [sobbing]:** OH GOD WHYYYY??

**Simba:** hahaha hakuna matata buddy

**Timon:**

**Simba:** remember that? remember when you told me that? after my dad was fucking murdered?!

You break me, you get bad luck..

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: Are you kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!


Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

(Me mate just passed and this was his favourite joke) A man walks up to a stranger and says, "Would ye like to hear a joke"? The stranger replies: Eh, aye. Why not?

The man then says "me life" and starts sobbing and wailing

The Stranger replies: Come now, your life can not be that bad. It's nothing to cry over, surely.

The man says back, "I'm not crying, I'm laughing. See? Hahaha" and the man starts fake laughing and sobbing at the same time. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Elephant and a Camel met for the first time..

Elephant: Yo, why do you have titties on your back?

Camel: Hahaha, it's better than having a dick on my face!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A heavy set guy was showering at the gym when a gym rat hollered 'Hey man, how long since you seen your dick'? hahaha. 'Why dont you diet'?

Replying...'why, what color is it now'?

A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people every time they tell a lie...

Dad: what were you watching?

Son: Kung-Fu Panda

*\*robot slaps son\**

Son: Ok! It was an erotic movie.

Dad: WHAT?! When I was your age i didn’t even know what an erotic movie was

*\*robot slaps dad\**

Mum: HAHAHA!!! He’s your son after all

*\*robot s...

Hahaha the football team

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are sitting in a bar...

One man looks at the other and says "Wanna hear joke?"

"Sure"

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator!"

"Hahaha that's pretty good, but I have a better one. What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bee's ghost?

a BOO-bee

Hahaha.. like .. boobie.
Plz don't hurt me. I know it's bad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.