Isi Jokes - 94 Hilarious Isi Jokes

An ISIS member was performing...

An ISIS member was performing a routine traffic stop looking for infidels, and stopped the car of a Christian couple. “Are you Muslim?” asked the ISIS member. “Yes,” replied the Christian man, “I’m Muslim.”
The ISIS member says, “If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.” The Christian m...

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

Why wont ISIS bomb my local Walmart?

...because its not a Target.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution

I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me “You’re the bomb.”

One Marine is better than...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters".

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy: Are you moslem?
Christian: Yes I am.
ISIS guy: Recite a verse from Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from Bible.
ISIS guys: Yallah-ho-snackbar, you can go.

Later Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you too...

ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events

Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off

What would you call ISIS after they've been eliminated?

WASWAS.

Who's the real enemy of ISIS?

IBRO

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 mil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an ISIS member use for sex?

A blow-up doll.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Irishman are captured by Isis.

The executioner lines the men in a row and says that each of them can have one final wish. He starts by asking the Irishman what his wish is.

"My wish is to have 1000 Irish tap dancers tapping during my execution."

"Granted." The executioner replied and then proceeded to ask the Scotsm...

What is an ISIS member's favorite game?

Jenga.

Man don’t ever make a isis joke

You always execute it horribly

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common?

They both have Kurds in their way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know you're ISIS if...

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You destroy world heritage but believe we should plant trees.

You have more wives than teeth.

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

You think vests come in two sty...

As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?

They cut a head

What’s the difference between a children’s hospital and an ISIS training camp?

I dunno, I just fly the drones

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

a daeshcam

ISIS recently released their own brand of anti-dandruff shampoo

It's called Shoulders

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isis sent me a sex doll today

It's great! It blows it self up.

Had a job interview with ISIS today...

They asked me where I see myself exploding in five years.

What's the best part of an ISIS joke?

The Execution.

Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now.

Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS

Obama: “We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.”

General: “You are forgetting something important sir.“

Obama: “No I am not.”

General: “Tanks, Obama.”

What is the difference between a Pakistani School and a ISIS Trainingscamp?

I have no idea I'm only flying the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of ISIS finally agreed to be interviewed...

So the interviewer said, "I noticed that every time ISIS releases a video there are always Toyota trucks in the background. Whether it is ISIS members riding in the back of the truck or a torture video, you always see a Toyota truck. Why it is that you guys drive Toyota trucks?"

The head of ...

You've got to hand it to Trump, he defeated ISIS...

...they gave up operations after Trump shows he can kill more Americans than they ever could.

Two ISIS guys are showing each other pictures of their children.

One says, "Ah, Fizal, they blow up so fast."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know ISIS has its own sex toy factory?

There specialise in blow up dolls

Why is ISIS recruiting young members?

Because all they have right now are Boomers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German Man, A Swedish Man, and an Israeli Man Are Kidnapped by ISIS

“Listen up infidels,” says the ISIS member, you have on last with before I kill you.”

The German pleads for mercy, “Germany has always embraced your people, what have I done to deserve this ?” After no answer, he deicdes he wants sausage and a good beer.

Next, the Swedish man screams a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to an ISIS birthday party once

The musical chairs were slow but fuck me pass the parcel was quick.

If ISIS would really like the world to take notice of their intentions

they should kill a lion.

Why does ISIS call camels "Ships of the Desert"?

Because they are full of ISIS seamen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ISIS Warrior, Frog, Doctor

An ISIS Warrior walks into his Doctor's office with a Frog sitting on his head.

"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asks.

"Well as you might have seen, there's a really big tumor on my ass." replied the frog.

Isis have developed

isis have developed an explosive prayer mat they are selling like hot cakes.prophets are going through the roof

What did the Redditor that joined ISIS say?

Edit: Wow, this blew up!

ISIS Awards Night

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

Snow isn't a problem in the Middle East

...but ISIS

Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East

as a fine red mist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, European and Israeli get captured by ISIS.

The captors decide after some discussion that they will behead all 3. The captors ask each of the people what they would like before being executed. The American is asking for a hamburger, the European asked for red wine and the Israeli asked to be kicked in the butt.

All three received what...

Geez guys Not all Muslims are ISIS...

Some are Al-Qaaeda or Taliban.

BREAKING NEWS.. Isis suicide bomber has killed 78

of his family in his two bedroom flat. He had taken government advice and was working from home

What is you call the Mexican version of ISIS?

SISI

How do we call an old ISIS terrorist?

A boomer.

My girlfriend ran off with a member of ISIS and said shes never coming back

I guess she didnt know what Jihad.

Why did ISIS and MS-13 not endorse Donald Trump ?

He's taking their jobs.

Courtesy of my wife.

I LOVE ISIS

She's my favorite Egyptian god

What do you call a concession stand operated by Isis?

Allahu Snackbar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some say members of ISIS fuck kids...

...But they actually let the goats grow up first.

What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the other group is ISIS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

At the ISIS training ground

Director: All right, I am going to show you how to perform a successful suicide bombing

Director: Watch carefully, because I only going to show you this once

I love ISIS jokes!

They're the bomb!

Isis sent 8 terrorists to China

A few years ago, ISIS did train eight people for many months before sending them on terrorist missions to China.

The first guy’s target was Beijing’s most complex interchange. He passed out due to motion sickness.

The second guy wanted to blow up a public bus in Shanghai during rush ho...

Isis bumper sticker

I'd rather be heading.

What's ISIS favourite car?

The Citroen C4

Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp

A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.

Their instructor said, “Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.”

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

Did you hear about the ISIS graphic designer?

He was handed some selfies and asked to blow them up.

Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants?

because they serve Poutine.

How did ISIS rebrand itself after the death of all its leaders?

It changed its name to
WASWAS

What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

Do you want to party with ISIS?

I'm sure it'll be a blast.

ISIS vs North Korea. Who would win?

everyone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do ISIS members practice safe sex?

they mark the camels that kick

What do you call an ISIS member with Tourette's?

A ticking time bomb.

What do you call the pack of boars who killed members of Isis?

Squeal Team 6

ISIS pickup line

Girl are you a suicide vest? Cos I'd like to be inside you

Why does ISIS like sheep?

Is-Lamb!

ISIS

I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I noticed an ISIS Muslim with a large knife sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden toward his house.

Suddenly my neighbor came from out of nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He the...

What does Donald Trump and ISIS have in common?

Both take credit for things they didn't do.

What do you call an ISIS member who owns 6 goats?

A pimp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does ISIS think of their sex slaves?

They're the GOAT.

What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?

They both hate the French press

Whatever people may say about ISIS...

...at least they claim responsibility for their actions.

How do you pass the Isis entrance exam?

I don't know about you, I bombed it.

This ISIS situation is getting out of control.

So it is at this point that I've decided to stop sending them money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend told me he calls his dick "little ISIS"...

My boyfriend told me he calls his dick "little ISIS" because it's like a nuclear bomb in his pants.

I told him he should call it "little North Korea" because that nuclear bomb is dysfunctional.

Three Terrorists apply for ISIS ...

* First Terrorist enters the job interview:

Q: Name?

A: Mohammed.

Q: Biggest accomplishment?

A: Robbed a Bank, killed 2 Officers.

Q: How many Letters are in the Alphabet?

A: 26.

* Second Terrorist enters:

Q: Name?

A: Ibrahim.

Q: B...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's one more ISIS joke.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

ISIS Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." ...

There's an ISIS comedy night coming up...

I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb.

Isis isn't cool...

It's radical!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Japanese kamazazi and a member of ISIS?

One's a Zoomer, one's a Boomer.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.