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I Need Money Jokes

I asked the cashier “Could you give me small change instead of bills? I need money for the bus “

She said “That’s fare”

Two reasons I don't give money to begging homeless people:

1. They need money for drugs.
2. I need money for drugs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of the day…

A man’s walking in the woods when he spies a little man no taller than ten bars of Irish Spring soap stacked on top of each other. The man grabs the little man garbed in green.

“Aye! You caught me,” exclaims the leprechaun. “I’ll tell ya what. I’ll give you three wishes and ye let me go.”
...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT



ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your c...

Dad! Bus ticket! Money! Now!

**Daughter**: Dad I need money for the bus.

**Dad**: Why do you need to buy a bus?

**Daughter**: I am serious dad, stop it. This isn't funny, just give me **£1.50.**

**Dad**: I don't have enough money, ask your mother.

**Daughter:** Fine.

\[...\]

**Daughter...

What did the bank say to the government

Bank: Hey government. I need money to pay my workers or we're gonna go out of business.

Government: Hey bank. Sure. I remember you from Harvard, how are you doing?

Bank: Doing great, actually! I remember you too. Frat bros for life. Thanks for the cash.

Government: Frat bros for...

50 cents

This kid goes to his dad and say
- Dad I want to go to a 50 cents concert and I need money
The dad gives him $1 and say
- take your sister with you

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