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Huntin Jokes

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Boudreau goes huntin'

There was these two Louisiana Cajuns on the bayou.

One morning Leroy saw Boudreau in his boat floating down the bayou with a lawnmower in it. "Hey Boudreau the hell you gon do with that lawnmower?" "This here's a John Deere and I'm going deer huntin!"

Leroy shakes his head at Boudreau...

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William and Shakespeare...

Were traveling together and came across a small village. Both being poets, the crowd of people wanted to know whom was the best poet and conducted a contest amongst William and Shakespeare. Shakespeare, with smugness, decided to go first. The mayor gave Shakespeare the word, "Timbuktu" to come up wi...

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Be Vewy Quiet

Long

Game Warden approaches a man Squirrel hunting; "Watcha got in that bag, son?" The young kid snorts; "Three Squirrels, Sir!"

"Let me see one of them Squirrels!" The Game Warden licks his finger and shoves it up the Squirrels butt, sniffs it and says; "Well, this here Squirrel is f...

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Family ties, or is we kin?

Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local factory.


After a few beers, the first guy says to the second,

"If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your ...

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3 ducks

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the ...

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Clem goes hunting.

Clem decided to take his annual hunting trip up near the Great Smokey Mountains around the borders of North Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia. He had been out most of the day small game hunting when he came across a Game Warden.

The Game Warden walks up to Clem, points to his game bag and says...

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Pirate pick-up lines

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”

“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”

“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”

“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”

“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and p...

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Man in the Woods

A naked old man stumbled out of the woods on the side of a dirt road. I stopped to see if he was alright.

Me: "Hey sir, you doing alright?"

Him: "I'm fine. What's it to ya?"

Me: "Just curious. What brought you all the way out here?"

Him: "Just huntin and fuckin"

...

A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love.

When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

Fi...

Shazza walks into the kitchen and finds Bruce with a fly swatter.

"Waddaya doin?" She asked. 
"Huntin Flies" He responded. 
"Oh. Kill any?" She asked. 
"Yep, 3 blokes, 2 sheilas," he replied. 
Intrigued, she asked. "How'd ya know that?" 
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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Bill's been looking forward to this hunting trip for months.

He shakes his wife awake at the asscrack of dawn and says, "C'mon woman, less'go! We gotta get them guns packed into the Chevy," and she says, "No, honey, I don't feel good, you go on without me," and he says, "You summ'bitch, do you know how long I've been plannin' this goddamn couples huntin' trip...

Pessimist

Friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking.


The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could...

The Redneck Poet

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate at the same time. St. Peter stood at the gate with instuctions for the two: ''You cannot enter the gates of heaven until you can make up a poem and recite it to me using the word 'Timbuktu' in it.'' Robert Frost stepped up and recited a magnificent, g...

At the national poetry contest finals,...

The final two contestants were a harvard educated english professor and a redneck from the hills of Alabama. The final task was to write a 4 line poem containing the word timbuktu. Each finalist was given 5 minutes to come up with a poem

After they were given some time to think, the finals ...

A Harvard grad with a PhD and a redneck with a 5th grade education are in a contest

This was one of my dad's favorites, and I've never seen it here. This is basically how he told it:

A Harvard grad with a PhD (we'll call him John) and a redneck with a 5th grade education (we'll call him Bubba) are in a contest, and at the end of this contest (the type doesn't matter), their ...

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[NSFW] A man goes into the woods...

A man goes into the woods to go hunting for the bear that killed his Pappy.

After a day or two of trackin’ the beast he finds the biggest meanest looking bear he’s ever seen.

He takes aim and POW!... the bear drops.

When he runs over to claim his kill the bear jumps up, very muc...

Boudreaux’s Annual Check-Up

Boudreaux, an 80-year-old Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his every year check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is. "How do you stay in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?"

“I stay in de swamp and I hunt and fish every day," say de old Cajun. "Dat's why I'm in su...

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