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Hic Jokes

Three drunk guys stumble upon a magic lamp

Inside, there was a Genie who gives each one of them one wish, anything they want to.

The first guy said "Hic-I want a bottle of beer please", and the first guy got a beer

Second guy said "Give me, hic-one more please", and the second guy got a beer

Lastly, third guy said "Give ...

A young man is visiting his girlfriend at her parent's home for the first time...

He's looking for a cup to make some tea in when he notices a long row of handmade cups, each inscribed with what seems like half-words. Just then the girlfriend's mother walks in, and he asks her what the deal with the cups are.

"Oh those. They are our family cups, one for each member, they'v...

an old joke told to me at school by my Latin teacher:

A man goes into a restaurant and orders dinner, then the wine waiter comes over.
"I'd like a bottle of Hock please"
"I beg you pardon, sir?"
"I said a bottle of Hock, you know, as in hic haec hoc"
"Very good sir"
The man eats his meal, but the wine never arrives, so he called the wine...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 drunk mice

3 mice are up late at night, drinking and bullshitting, as mice often do. Just eating cheese bits and chasing them down with copious amounts of alcohol.

They begin to brag about how tough they are relating various experiences evading the cat, the exterminator and other adventures, each one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer pulls over a car he spots swerving all over the road, and asks the driver to step out of the vehicle. A clearly inebriated man reeking of beer stumbles out of the car...

The officer tells the man that he pulled him over because of his erratic driving and strongly suspects that he is under the influence of alcohol.

"No way, offisher. I just came from work and I am \*hic\* good-to-go," the man slurs and stumbles a little.

"Well just to be safe, would you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to...

My wife scolded me about how much I drink..

She says... For God sakes! You ever imagine the damage you're doing to your health? Not to mention all the money you've spent? How much money do you think you've spent so far?

I say... Idk.. hic..

She says: how much is a bottle of Jack Honey?

I reply: idk... like $24...

A guy walks into a bar, pulls up a seat, and orders his favorite drink.

In the bar there's a group of gorgeous blond ladies who are having a bit of a celebration. "TWENTY-SIX DAYS! TWENTY-SIX DAYS!" they shout as they're knocking back drink after drink.

This goes on for some time. The ladies are getting more and more intoxicated, "TW..TWENNNTTTY-SIX DAYYYYS.... &...

A man stumbles out of a bar just before closing time.

An officer was already outside, waiting for drink-drivers. She watches as the man nearly trips down the stairs outside the bar, stagger over to his car, and fumble in his pocket for his keys.

Looks like I've got one, the officer thinks to herself.

15 minutes later, closing time finally...

Two guys are talking at a fancy rooftop bar.

Clearly drunk out his mind, one guy says to the other, "Ya know...the air currents are sho shtrong up here...hic...you can float on 'em like water."

Also wasted, the other guy says, "Ah, you're crazy. You can't do that! (Burp)"

The first guy says "S'true! Juss watch!"

So he stum...

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon an ancient village.

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon a legendary ancient village. The villagers, who to the man's surprise are still alive and well, lavish him with praise. They think he must be a god! But he must first be tested, just to be sure.

So the chief of the village takes him to a row of ...

All the forest animals are having a big car show..

..shining their rims, getting ready to put their cars on display for the forest folk to see. The bunny is hopping along half drunk and stumbles into the clearing.

"WHOAAHhh bear, that's a sweet lambo, how did you ever afford it?"

"Well bunny, i'm not an alcoholic like you" replies the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Batman and Robin go out drinking one night...

...And they both come out drunk as shit. Batman throws Robin his keys and with a slurred speech says: "*hic!* You drive tonight, Robin..."

Robin says "Oh, wow! I get to drive the Batmobile!" and he hops in all excited into the driver's seat, fires up the Batmobile and takes off for the Batcav...

A police officer pulls a man over for driving all over the road...

...and discovers the man has clearly been drinking.

Officer: "You'll have to come with me for a breathalyzer test, sir."

Man: "I'm afraid I can't do that officer, I'm ams-- *hic* alths-- I'm asthmatic. I could have an episode."

O: "I see. In that case, I'll need to take you dow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Particularly nasty weather.

There's a guy at a bar who's trying to get lucky. He walks over to a beautiful brunette and says, very casually,

"Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The woman is shocked. "Excuse me?!"

The man responds without missing a beat, "Particularly nasty weather."

"Oh... yes, I supp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was drinking at a bar...

...and had been for hours. Needless to say the man was thoroughly trashed. After a dozen or so beers, he can barely sit on his stool. Suddenly, he stands up and asks the bartender, "Hey! Wheresh the bath-hic-room?"

The bartender, disgusted, looks at him and says, "Down the hall and on the lef...

A drunk walks into a pet store

. . . and leans heavily on the counter. "Gimmie a shot of Jim Beam," he slurs to the clerk.

"I, I'm sorry, sir," says the clerk, "you must be mistaken. This is a--"

"Goddamnit, I wanna (hic) drink, you can't tell me what mzmblrf kn izzenuf!" shouts the drunk, slamming his fist on the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is lost in the forest and stumbles upon a hotel.

Tired, lost and hungry; a John has been wandering through the woods for what has felt like days. He stumbles upon a strange house and feels a deep sense of relief as he notices a light is on.

He knocks and a peculiar looking old man opens the door.

"Please. Please. I am lost and hungry...

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