UPJOKE
rusticbumpkinrubeyokelhayseedunsophisticatedyahoochawbaconbumpkinlyprovincialrurallobstereotypeathertongooch

Hick Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once this Hick from West Virginia called the Vet because his horse's eyes were crossed.

He brought the Vet to the barn and showed him.

"You see?" said the Hick. "This is my fav'rit horse. I can't have him runnin' around with his eyes crossed like that!"

"I see," said the Vet. "That's an easy fix. Here, stand at the front of the horse and watch his eyes. When they go strai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The hick shepherd

National TV decides to feature a rural shepherd who has spent his entire life on his mountain without ever leaving his small town.

The interview begins, "So, your life must be quite unique. Tell us, what was your happiest day?"

The shepherd replies, "Certainly, that day when my favor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas

When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That swee...

A cowboy randomly stood up and drunkenly sang Never Gonna Give You Up

I was hick-rolled

Everyone's talking about Trump having Covid-19, but what if Mrs. Hicks' condition doesn't allow her to support his campaign?

That would be pretty hopeless.

Two hicks get on a plane from Saskatoon to Miami

About one hour into the flight there's an announcement made by the pilot "Hello this is your pilot speaking, 1 of our 4 engines failed, no need to panic, we're going to have a delay." After another hour a second announcement is made "Hello, another one of our four engines has failed, again, no need ...

Not a dadjoke - but he told it to me anyway...

A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy. All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor.

The barman says, "You aren't from around here, are ya?"


The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."


The bartender says, "Wha...

What's a rednecks favorite excercise?

Hick ups

Donald Trump had a close adviser named Hope Hicks. Which makes sense -- her name suggests his campaign strategy:

Say racist things and hope hicks will vote for you.

Hey, did you hear? Hope Hicks is set to resign as White House Communications Director.

I guess you could say Trump has No Hope Left. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A man comes into the Airport Employment Office.

He looks like a real hick, in overalls, muddy boots, and a ragged straw hat. "Ah'z looking fer a jobe," he announces.
"And what is it you do, good sir?" asks the man at the desk.
"Ah'z uh pahlut."
Surprised, the man says "Really? Well, we can always use another pilot around the airpor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy moves way way out to the country...

...miles from anything. One day there's a knock at the door, and he opens it to find a guy in full hayseed regalia, overalls, thermal shirt, the works.

Hick: "Howdy, new neighbor! Would ya like to come to a party at my place tonight?"

New guy: "Well, sure! I'm new to these parts, I su...

What's the difference between rednecks and a political advisor?

Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.

Drunk guy is walking down the street…

…one foot on the road, one on the sidewalk. One foot on the road, one on the sidewalk…

Cop comes up and asks “You drunk?”

Drunk guy says “Whew…thank God I thought I was cripple!”

(I believe this was a Hicks joke…enjoy!)

Jimmy Hendrix died in a pool of his own vomit

Do you guys know how much vomit it takes to fill up a pool?

(*Bill Hicks?)

What do you call it when a redneck can dunk?

Hick Ups

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A DEA agent stopped at a ranch and told the rancher: "I need to inspect your ranch for illegal drugs."

The rancher, pointing over to the west, said: "Okay, just don't go in that field over there."

The DEA agent exploded, exclaiming: "Listen here, you bucktoothed hick! I have the FULL AUTHORITY of the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT!"

"That may as well be," said the rancher, "But you'd bet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A real dummy

A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" "Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just j...

Traffic violation

After pulling a farmer over for speeding in an urban area, the police officer starts to lecture him about his callous disregard for public safety. The officer goes on and on, even belittling the farmer saying he must be a "hick from the sticks" and not know how to behave in a civilized area.
<...

What do you call pop-country music?

Hick-Hop

Happy Fathers Day Quotes,,,

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld*

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita ...

Hang-glider

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding.

Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight.

He takes off running and reaches the edge--into the wind he goes!
<...

One for all of us country folks

Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Washington takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can...

Those Tennessee Boys Are Stupid

So these counterfeiters make a mistake and print a load of $15 bills.
The head man says "No problem. We'll take these bills down to Tennessee. Those hicks won't know the difference. We'll swap out the bad bills for real money."

So they head down to Tennessee and stop at a small general st...

What do you call it when a very pregnant woman starts using fake words like “did’ve?”

A Braxton Hicks contraction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A half dozen transexual magicians are touring the American South.

Six chicks with dicks play card tricks for a mix of hicks.

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A country boy gets into Harvard and meets his posh roommate...

He asks, "Hey, y'all know where the bathrooms are at?"

The roommate replies, "Here at Harvard, one would do well to know not to end their sentences in a preposition."

The hick responds, "Aight, where the bathrooms at shithead?"

A big city lawyer runs a stop sign

in a little Southern nowhere kind of town. He gets pulled over by the local sheriff. The lawyer, being very studied and knowledgeable, believes he can easily outsmart the poor hick. So the sheriff comes to his window and says, "You didn't stop at that stop sign." "It's okay officer, I slowed down," ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Texas Three Kick Rule.

A lawyer from California was duck hunting between a lake, and a farm.

The Lawyer was a bad shot, and scared all the ducks into the air. One finally landed on the fence of the farm across from the lake. The lawyer took aim, and fired. The duck keeled over and fell onto the dirt on the farm's s...

People who are pro-life shouldn't protest clinics...

...they should be protesting cemeteries.

Credit to Bill Hicks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wager

A drunk man stumbles on to the bar. The bartender starts shouting, "Hey, you idiot, off the bar!"

"Wait, *hick* I bet you a 100 bucks, I can piss into that glass right in front of you."
The bartender agrees.

The man proceeds to piss all over the bar, and onto the bartender, who jus...

Magic Beer

A man was walking deep into a forest when all of a sudden a sprite appeared. She said m: “no man has seen me in over 100 years. Since you did I will grant you two wishes. What do you desire?”

The man ponders and answers “I’d like a bottle or beer that never empties”.

Poof! He is holdin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't hear many Limerick jokes any more. So I wrote one.

There was a man named Johnathan Hicks,

who liked to write limericks.

But his Poems were crude,

and many lewd,

so his balls were often kicked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rooty the Rooster [NSFW]

Farmer John found himself in a bit of a rut. His crops weren't yelding like they use to, cattle prices had hit an all time low, and he was really strapped for cash. After discussing it with Mrs. Farmer John, they decided to salvage what they had, sell the farm, and move to greener pastures. He kisse...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.