Gawd Jokes - 11 Hilarious Gawd Jokes

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

A cowboy and a Mexican man are at a bar.

The cowboy takes a shot, slams the glass down and yells "T.G.I.F!"

The Mexican man looks over at the cowboy, takes a shot, slams the glass down and yells "S.P.I.T!"

The cowboy looks back over at the Mexican man, takes another shot, slams down the glass again and yells "T.G.I.F!"
...

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Wrong hole ! Turn her over !”

An older man who had finally grown tired of being a virgin wanted to finally lose his virginity. So he called up his buddy who was very good with the ladies and asked him if he would help him organize a night for him and a hooker.

“No problem, I’ve got a perfect plan”, says his buddy. “We’ll...

Snakes

Two snakes on the lawn,one says to the other,” are we the kind of snake that bites our prey OR do we crush them”? The other one says “WE CRUSH THEM”. First snake replies “ Thank gawd for that,I’ve just bitten my lip”

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Once, there was an old couple....

The husband would wake up every morning and thrust out a loooonnnnnng fart.
She told him for years, "Some day, you're going to shit your guts out if you keep on" but that never stopped him from his morning routine. Finally, after decades, she had enough.
After cleaning out a turkey she took...

Anyone wanna hear one about a couple olives? (it’s long but worth the read trust me)

So there are these 2 olives right, let's call
them Frank and Bobby…… and these two
are long time best friends, and they’re as good of guys as they come, and always just having a good time together. Nice as can be. Just some good timing olives you know? Anyways they're on a high top table at a ...

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Triple dose

A Man went to the doctor's office to ask for a Triple Dose of Viagra.

The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.

'Why not?' asked the man.

'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.

'But I need it really bad,' said the man.

'Well, why do you ne...

A young man was going to be married

so he asked his father if he could give his fiance his deceased mother's ring. This was fine with the father.

The father decided to have it appraised for insurance purposes. He asked a lady friend who was a well-known jeweler to do the appraisal; she accepted, and said that her fee would be s...

Realistically and Potentially . . .

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep w...

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A man goes to the doctor to inquire about male enhancement.

"Doc," said he, "I'm tiny. I can't satisfy my wife, and I'm ridiculed in changing rooms. I've tried every drug and herbal supplement, to no avail. I want to look into surgery."

"Well," said the doctor, peering at the man's twig-like member through a magnifying glass, "You're in luck. there's ...

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