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Gaining Weight Jokes

After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says...

"I look forward to seeing you in it".

So for his birthday I bought him a coffin.

Those who are afraid of gaining weight, should drink a shot of whiskey before every meal…

alcohol reduces fear.

My girlfriend has been gaining weight so I sat her down in the living room to talk to her.

I said "We need to talk about the elephant in the room"

Covid lockdown has me gaining weight so I started a new diet

Its called Two weeks to flatten Your curves

I don’t understand why I’m still gaining weight...

...I’ve added a salad to every meal

My miniature Siberian dog is gaining weight too fast.

He’s a little Husky.

A man was trying to become rich by gaining weight

He was trying to make a four chin

A girl once told me I was the reason she was gaining weight

Needless to say we didn't work out

Help me reddit. I've quit smoking and I'm gaining weight

Before, I only had to reach into my pockets to feel a little lighter.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Relationship 101

I Recently broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop gaining weight. I know I know that makes me sound like a dick but in my defense there’s no way I’m ready to be a father

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a therapist

"I work long hours to support my family. When I finally get home, my wife hands me the baby and the other kids are waiting for me to help them with their homework. After dinner, it's my job to clean up and help put the baby to bed. I have an endless list of things to fix around the house on weekends...

If youre having trouble losing weight

Try gaining weight for new years resolution

A boy approached his mother...

Boy: Mom, why were you bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?

Mom: Oh... Well... Daddy has been gaining weight recently, I was helping him lose weight by pressing his stomach down.

Boy: Oh, I don't think that will work.

Mom: Why?

Boy: Because when you're not around, the ...

Did you hear about the mathmatician's wife?

It all started when they got married. She sat down on the couch every single day, and screamed at him for not cleaning the house, doing the laundry, or washing the dishes while she was watching TV.

Of course, such a static lifestyle only makes you less healthy. So after a while, she grew fatt...

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