UPJOKE
officeblotterbureaustaplerdeskworklobbydesknotepaddesklampdeskmatedesksideburofurniturepaperclipoffice furniture

Front Desk Jokes

I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. “Excuse me, I don’t remember what room I’m in.” I said.

“No problem,” said the receptionist. “You’re in the lobby.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest checks into a hotel room and says to the front desk "I hope the porn is disabled"

The front desk lady says to him "no, it's just normal porn you sick fuck"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a hotel lobby with his family and whispers to the front desk clerk, "make sure the porn in my room is disabled". To which the clerk replies:

We only have regular porn you sick fuck!

A photon checks into a hotel and the front desk asks "Do you need help with your luggage"?

The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:

and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.

The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.


Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.

Jesus christ walked up to the front desk at a Marriott hotel

He laid three nails on the counter and said, "can you put me up for the night?"

A man calls the hotel front desk

"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"

"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."

"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"

"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."

"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."...

A WOMAN stormed up to the front desk of the library and said,

“I have a complaint.”

“Yes, Ma’am ?”

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible.”

“What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever.”

The librarian nodded and said, “Ah. So, you must be the person who took our pho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A suicide bomber went to heaven.

The Angel at the front desk greeted him.

"Hi, welcome. There are 72 very horny virgins waiting for you!"

"I knew it! said the bomber. "Bring me the women!"

The Angel smiled.

"Who mentioned women?"

I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.

It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.

People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them “Jays here but Jacks off all day.”

An elderly lady called the front desk to complain.

“I am most offended! There is a man bathing in the room across the courtyard. His windows are open and you can see everything. Please do something about it at once.”


The manager arrived at her room. “Please show me what you mean and we will fix it right away.” The lady led him to her win...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a crowded waiting room at his doctor's office and approached the front desk.

The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not, you asked me what was...

A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.

"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"

The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."

"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last time I stayed at a hotel I asked the front desk for a wake up call.

She called me twenty minutes later and said, "what the fuck are you doing with your life?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.

When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow black people in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."

Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"

"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room

-and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stranger guy with a sexy women in a hotel lobby.

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your br...

An army grunt is telling a story about finding a scorpion in his tent…

A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called the hotel front desk, livid.

“There’s semen on the comforter!” I yelled

“I’m sorry sir, I don’t know what to say except I’ll have house keeping up there immediately”

When housekeeping arrived, they were extremely apologetic.

“I’m so sorry sir, I don’t know how this happened.”

I said “Please just get...

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

My job at the front desk of a sperm bank only lasted one day.

I kept telling everyone "thank you so much for coming."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man drives past a retirement home on his way to work...

and is surprised to see three naked elderly women out on the lawn. On his way home, he sees the same naked women, in the same spot, and gets concerned.

He goes to the building's front desk to ask about them. The woman there explains that they're the newest residents.

"They're former pr...

A blonde is on vacation and runs out of money...

A blonde is on vacation and runs out of money. She wants to write an e-mail to her mother so that her mother can send her some. She goes to an internet café and goes up to the guy at the desk.

She says: "I'm sorry, but I'm broke and I really need to contact my mother. Is there any way I coul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in 1920's...

...Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her...

A man walks up to the front desk of a psychiatric facility and strikes up a conversation with the psychiatrist there...

The man asks the psychiatrist, “how do you choose who is admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist explains, "we fill a bathtub with water and give people a straw, a teaspoon, a glass, and a bucket. Then we tell them to empty the bathtub.”

The man chuckles to himself and beams at...

A man walks into an LGBTQ centre.

He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?"

The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

"You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I use her/she...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adhering to my strict religious beliefs, I asked the girl at the front desk if the porn channel in my room could be disabled.

She gave me a real dirty look and exclaimed: "We only have regular porn, you SICK FUCK!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Businessman

Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kind...

Called the front desk of our motel and told him "I've gotta leak in the sink."

He said "That's OK, just rinse it out when you're done."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples check into a hotel for their honeymoons.

The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon."

When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a frog walks into a bank.

So a frog walks into a bank and he goes to the front desk. He looks at the person at the front desk’s name tag, its says “Mrs. Patty Whack”

“Can I help you” she says.

“Yes I would like a loan” said the frog.

“A loan? What does a frog need a loan for “

“I would like to...

A man finds himself in a hotel lobby. The lady at the front desk is giving him big "F me" eyes.

Now, sure, he's seen prettier women in his lifetime. But she's a solid seven, and looking at him in such a sultry fashion that his knees nonetheless knock together nervously.

"You can have me, right here, right now, or you can carry on to success," she whispers, tracing her finger slowly down...

A Preist, a Pastor, and a Rabbit

A preist, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse at the front desk notices them waiting and asks them if they know their blood types; they're very low on specific types of blood, as usual.

The rabbit hurriedly hops up and says "Yep, I'm a type A-."

The nurs...

A guy walks into a library, goes up to front desk and in quite a loud voice says,.....

"Could I get a yellow chicken curry, a pad thai and two serves of steamed rice please?"

The librarian is a bit shocked, and in a whispered voice that none the less conveys her displeasure with the gent says, "Sir, you need to be quiet, this is a library, not a restaurant!!"

The guy loo...

I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..."

The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."

- H. Youngman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A front desk attendant at Delta is beginning to board passengers for a flight from Atlanta to Birmingham, Alabama...

As he is taking the tickets from the passengers and allowing them board, he notices one man still standing at the window, looking at the plane. Once everyone else has walked down the passageway towards the jet, the attendant walks over to the man and asks if he is supposed to be on the plane.
...

I went to join a health club today and saw a sign on its door that said ‘Look better in 10 days or your money back.’ I then wrote out a check and handed it over to the girl at the front desk.

The girl looked at me and said, “Keep it. We’re gonna mail it back to you anyways.”

On a recent evening a man came up to me at the front desk of my library. He was carrying a large plank of plywood.

On the plywood were copious amounts of what appeared to be a flour and water mix. He might have put yeast in it to make it airier and lighter. He had shaped the mixture into a kind of giant map. There was something I took to be divisions for states, or provinces. He'd created a facsimile of a capito...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy driving down the road..

A guy is driving down the road one day and sees a sign that says LOSE ALL YOUR WEIGHT TODAY. Intrigued he stops and goes in.at the desk is a well dressed man and our traveler asks the gentlemen how it works.he is told for every pound he wants to lose he pays a dollar.as he weighs over four hundred p...

President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there...

Chicken at the library

A chicken walks into a library and up to the front desk. "Buk" says the chicken. So the librarian gives her a book. The chicken leaves with the book and comes back 5 minutes later. "Buk" she says. So the librarian gives her another book. This happens 8 more times, until finally the librarian goes on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First visit to a brothel (NSFW)

After several years of loneliness a man visits a brothel. He speaks with the madame at the front desk and he says, "It's been years since I've had sex, and I've never been to a place like this before. What can I get for twenty bucks?"

"Hmmm..." says the mistress, "twenty won't get you much i...

Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Ai...

Goku gets into a car accident

and has to be rushed to the E.R. He has a piece of shrapnel stuck in his arm and is in extreme pain. He gets to the front desk and yells at the nurse "Help! I'm in extreme pain! I have shrapnel in my arm!"

The nurse looks at him calmly and says, "sure, but first you have to fill out this ins...

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

...

A man is driving through southern Alabama late at night when his car breaks down

“Just my luck,” he thinks as he decides to start walking. Fortunately, after a quarter mile or so he finds an open, albeit shabby motel. He checks in with the extremely backwoods desk clerk and sees that the place won’t win any Michelin awards, but he just needs a place to lay his head until the mo...

A duck orders a condom, at a hotel...

The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"

The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!"

A couple celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary by staying at a hotel.

The couple walk up to the front desk to check-in.
Receptionist: Hello, how can I help you?
The husband holding his wife's hand: I would like your most beautiful room please.
Receptionist: Sure! For how long would you like to stay?
The Husband: 1 night please.
Receptionist: One whole n...

There was a man staying the night in a hotel.

He called the front desk and said, "Excuse me, sir, I've got a leak in my sink."

The man at the front desk replied, "Oh, okay, go ahead, but most guests just use the toilet."

Biden visits a nursing home.

He goes over to an elderly woman and asks, “Do you know who I am?” She replies, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they’ll tell you.”

My grandpa's favorite joke

Two guys are driving from Kansas to Maine and they drive by a sign for Worcester, MA. They both look at eachother and say, 'how the hell do you pronounce that?" The driver says "War-chester", the passanger says, "Nah, its gotta be "wir-ster". They argue a bit and decide that the only way to know for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad is checking his family into a hotel

Front desk manager: “Hello sir how may I help you?”

Dad: “Yes, I’m checking in with my family so I want to be sure the porn is disabled in our room.”

Front desk manager: *visibly disgusted* “We only have regular porn available you sick fuck”

A young couple is on their shoestring budget honeymoon.

They arrive at their hotel which is right next to the train tracks. The woman lies down to rest while her husband goes out to grab something to eat.


No sooner does the woman lie down in bed, then a train thunders by, shaking the room so much that she is knocked out of bed.

She imm...

A train

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. For this particular trip, he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour." So, his wife lies down on the bed...and just then, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a brothel.

He goes up to the lady at the front desk and says, “good afternoon, I have 5 dollars what can I get?” She replies, “uhh we have a room, but it’s not that impressive, second door on the right.” The man hands the women the 5 dollars and goes to the room. He opens the door and sees a table, chicken, lu...

A snail went to the police station

A snail went to the police station to report that he had been mugged

When he got to the front desk he said

“ excuse me officer but I have been mugged by 2 tortoises “”

The officer said

“ can you describe the incident “

The snail said

“ no officer sorry , ...

Two ducks are having an affair.

hey rent a hotel room for an hour, but the male duck forgot contraception. He calls down to room service.

“Got it,” says the front desk, “and would you like these on your bill?”

“Of course not,” the duck says. “I’d suffocate.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest checks into a hotel

So he would not be tempted to sin, the priest goes to the front desk and says "Excuse me but, I was wondering if the porn on the tv could be disabled."
The lady looks back in disgust and screams "NO YOU SICK BASTARD WE ONLY HAVE NORMAL!"

I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.

I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "

The wife & I were staying at a fancy high rise hotel when the argument started.

Things didnt get any better as the night went on. She started to threaten that she would jump out the window. In a panic I called the front desk. They asked how could they help? I said you better send body up here right away, the window wont open.

A man walks into a sperm bank with a jar in his hand

"What are you here for today, sir?" the front desk woman asks.

The man explains, "So I was here a couple of days ago and I was asked to bring a sample of my sperm. So I got home and I used both my left hand and right hand. Nothing. I asked my wife for help. She used her left hand and then her...

A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...

In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.

In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.

In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ling and Ving...

When I was in high school two exchange students from china came over to study at my school, their names were Ling and Ving. I had several classes with the two and I became quite good friends with them, especially Ving. One day, Ving opened up to me and admitted how dissatisfied he was with his name ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an auto shop.

He walks straight up to the front desk and says, “Listen, I need some repairs, but I’ve got a really suped up, high powered, custom car, so I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it.”
The employee says, “I can see if it’s something we can manage, how many pistons does it have?”
The customer ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man find himself feeling really, really, very horny but also short on money.

Nevertheless, he heads to his local bordello in search of some relief.

He walks in, goes to the nice lady at the front desk, and slaps a $5 dollar bill on the counter. "Lady, this is all the money I got, but I really need some satisfaction, if you get my meaning. What can you do for me?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The administration at my high school was very corrupt

Allowing disgusting school lunches, affairs between teachers and students, and faculty that would show up to school intoxicated.

But one time it went too far. My dad was the tennis coach at my high school, and he always struggled to get funding from the school for his program.

My mom w...

A man goes to the FBI head office

A frightened man goes to the FBI head office and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”

“Why did you come here? Go to the regular police,” said the front desk.

The man replied: “I will. I’m just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.”

The chicken in the library

There is this librarian working his early morning shift one day. He's minding his own business at the front desk when suddenly a chicken walks through the front door

Puzzled the librarian waits and the chicken walks to the front desk

"Ba book" says the chicken.
"You want a book? Her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to see the doctor about my penis

When I arrived at the doctors office I explained to the girl at the front desk that I would like to see a doctor regarding my penis.


'It can't be very long, please take a seat' she replied.


How dare she assume such a thing! I began to storm off to the waiting area as I hear...

I once went to a small hotel in Barcelona

Within three weeks I had caught some kind of bug from their food, I went to the front desk and asked if they had a doctor on site. Shockingly, they did. Within an hour he had healed me back to full health. I expressed my shock at such a small hotel having a doctor on hand. He responded:

NOBOD...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a building

He walks up to the woman at the front desk.

He says “how much for one of your sex dolls?”

She says “your money is no good here sir.”

He says “why not?”

She says “Because this is a morgue.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tries to join the Big Dick Club...

He goes to the front desk and they ask him how big his dick is. "15 inches." He replies with a proud grin. But the guy at the desk just laughs. Everyone in the room just laughs at this poor guy. He sulks. Ashamed, he heads toward the door, but a janitor stops him. "Hey, don't feel bad. They deny a l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Special

Two buddies are out at a bar swapping stories and getting wasted.

Just as last call is signaled, one of them remarks to the other, "You know, Jon, its been a long time since I really gave it to a woman. I mean, just really let her have it, you know?" He pounded his fist into his palm lightly...

A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.

So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.

"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."

They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:

"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the unemployment office to complain about there phone service "It's just not good enough, i called all day yesturday and nobody answered"...

"What number did you call ?" The lady behind the front desk asks "08001730" the man says.
"That's our opening and closing times' she replies..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and son go on vacation together

While checking into the hotel, the father asks the front desk "before my son and I go to our room, I'd just like to confirm the porn is disabled"

The concierge with a look of disgust states "no sir we have normal porn here you sick fuck"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into the library looking for a book...

After looking around, he walks up to the front desk and asks"Hey, I am looking for a book about micropenises but can't seem to find it."The librarian responds"I am sorry, I don't think it's in yet""That's the one!"

And now for something completely different

A young female nurse is working the front desk at a sperm bank. A man wearing a ski mask barges in through the front door and holds a gun to her head. He tells her "Open the vault!"

"But sir, this is a sperm bank..."

"Just do it!" The woman complies and opens the vault containing hundr...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.